"Today was the first
and only day of confirmation hearings for his replacement Robert Gates. The
committee immediately confirmed the guy. They really only had one question: Are
you now or have you ever been Donald Rumsfeld? He said, 'No.' He showed them
his driver's license and utility bill, and boom, they confirmed him."
--Stephen Colbert
"Big problem in
Malibu. A thirty-foot sink hole opened up on the Pacific Coast Highway. You
thought President Bush was slow getting federal aid to rebuild New Orleans? How
long do think it's going to take to bail out Barbra Streisand?" --Jay Leno
"Now three schools
are in the running for the George Bush presidential library. I understand the
losing school will get it." --Jay Leno
"Indiana Senator Evan
Bayh announced he is starting a presidential exploratory committee. Right now
the two Democrats throwing their hat in the ring are Tom Vilsack and Evan Bayh.
To give you an idea of how unknown these guys are, their Secret Service code
names are Tom Vilsack and Evan Bayh." --Jay Leno
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