"Tomorrow at the
White House, President Bush will pardon the turkey and today, Dick Cheney spent
all day torturing it" --David Letterman
"President Bush's
very busy. Yesterday, he went to Ho Chi Minh City. Unfortunately, when Bush
addressed the crowd he said, 'Greetings, hoes.' Actually, this is the first
time President Bush has visited Vietnam. Afterwards, the President said, 'It's
nice here. I don't know what John McCain's talking about." --Conan O'Brien
"According to our
latest intelligence, Osama bin Laden is losing his influence and power. I
didn't know he was a Republican." --Jay Leno
"The FDA lifted the
ban on silicon breast implants. One thing about those Democrats, they don't
waste any time. They promised us change for the better, hey, we got it. Sounds
like a return to the Clinton era. Hooters' stock went up six dollars a
share." --Jay Leno
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