police are on the lookout for a man who weighs 7 pounds, 3 ounces (the Way Too Good for Ken Collection)

In honor of International Women’s Day, Mattel is releasing a set of Barbies based on history-making women, like Amelia Earhart and Olympic gold medalist Chloe Kim. It’s called the Way Too Good for Ken Collection. --Jimmy Fallon

“A burglar in the UK was identified after leaving his birth certificate at a crime scene. Forget leaving it at a crime scene. Who walks around with their birth certificate? Right now, police are on the lookout for a man who weighs 7 pounds, 3 ounces.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Commander, say hello to Cricket for me (microplastics, asbestos, lead, mercury)

One likely also-ran for the job of Trump’s Vice President is the South Dakota governor, Kristi Noem, who triggered backlash last week for the admission in her memoir that she killed her puppy Cricket for being disobedient. 

Further excerpts from her book don’t make her look less like Cruella De Vil. In a later chapter, Noem talks about Joe Biden’s German shepherd, Commander, who has a history of biting Secret Service agents. Noem said if she were president, “the first thing I’d do is make sure Joe Biden’s dog was nowhere on the grounds (Commander, say hello to Cricket for me)”. 

That’s your ‘if I was president’ fantasy? What happens if she finds a genie’s lamp? ‘Three wishes? I guess kill a dog, kill a dog and time machine so I could go back and kill Hitler’s dog.’ —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even Dick Cheney won't go hunting with her (Please Don't Eat Me)

"Squeaky Fromme has been in prison since the '70s for trying to shoot President Gerald Ford. Out of prison now. But she's described as an unstable gun nut. Here's how unstable and nutty she is. Even Dick Cheney won't go hunting with her." --David Letterman

"But have you seen these town hall meetings about healthcare? People are screaming. And I'll tell you, because if there's one thing Americans hate, it's comprehensive health coverage." --David Letterman

"But you know, this is a great thing about the United States of America. We take any situation, make it something good. You know, we are a glass half full country. Mrs. Paul's, the fish sticks people, they heard about the mercury in the fish and they've come out now with a tasty new fish stick which you can also use to take your temperature." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”