police are on the lookout for a man who weighs 7 pounds, 3 ounces (the Way Too Good for Ken Collection)

In honor of International Women’s Day, Mattel is releasing a set of Barbies based on history-making women, like Amelia Earhart and Olympic gold medalist Chloe Kim. It’s called the Way Too Good for Ken Collection. --Jimmy Fallon

“A burglar in the UK was identified after leaving his birth certificate at a crime scene. Forget leaving it at a crime scene. Who walks around with their birth certificate? Right now, police are on the lookout for a man who weighs 7 pounds, 3 ounces.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Commander, say hello to Cricket for me (microplastics, asbestos, lead, mercury)

One likely also-ran for the job of Trump’s Vice President is the South Dakota governor, Kristi Noem, who triggered backlash last week for the admission in her memoir that she killed her puppy Cricket for being disobedient. 

Further excerpts from her book don’t make her look less like Cruella De Vil. In a later chapter, Noem talks about Joe Biden’s German shepherd, Commander, who has a history of biting Secret Service agents. Noem said if she were president, “the first thing I’d do is make sure Joe Biden’s dog was nowhere on the grounds (Commander, say hello to Cricket for me)”. 

That’s your ‘if I was president’ fantasy? What happens if she finds a genie’s lamp? ‘Three wishes? I guess kill a dog, kill a dog and time machine so I could go back and kill Hitler’s dog.’ —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes (That unborn child is Luke Skywalker)

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to 'The Terminator.' In this one he travels back in time and kills the person who suggested he run for Governor." –Conan O'Brien

"Today residents of L.A. are voting on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes." –Conan O'Brien

"I'm upset that friend of the show Mike Huckabee criticized Natalie Portman for having a child out of wedlock. Listen, I'm no fan of unwed mothers either, but this is Natalie Portman we're talking about. That unborn child is Luke Skywalker." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

now you’ve got innocent cokeheads snorting asbestos, it’s unacceptable! (If You Haven't Figured It Out)

November 2021

“The legal maneuverings of the health products giant Johnson & Johnson to avoid liability for its popular talcum baby powder. The company is facing thousands of lawsuits over allegations that its powder was contaminated with asbestos. Johnson & Johnson has long denied the link, but documents reveal the company knew about small amounts of asbestos in its products as far back as 1957. 

The company has recalled the product and been forced to pay hundreds of millions of dollars in settlements for women who attribute their ovarian cancer to the powder. That’s a lot of lawsuits. I mean, you know you fucked up when your company is giving away more money than Power Bowl.

You cannot be selling baby powder with asbestos in it. People are rubbing the stuff all over their bodies. Not to mention the cocaine dealers who mix it in with their product – now you’ve got innocent cokeheads snorting asbestos, it’s unacceptable!

Johnson & Johnson has found a cure, but unfortunately, it’s not a cure for the cancer. It’s for the company’s legal problems. Through an audacious legal loophole, a shadow company of Johnson & Johnson, based in New Jersey, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in Texas.

J&J founded the alternative company, LTL, in Texas, a state with lax regulations; dumped all the billions of legal liability into it; and then promptly filed for bankruptcy. This is insane, people – Johnson & Johnson is pretty much trying to do the first thing everyone thinks of when they get caught: blame it on your evil identical twin.

I mean, we’ve all tried it, but it somehow actually works if you’re a large corporation. Honestly, I’m almost impressed, I just wish they put as much effort into Covid immunity as they did into legal immunity.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At this point, so is asbestos (that's how we got George W. Bush)

April 2012

"Bring Your Child to Work Day — that's how we got George W. Bush." –David Letterman

"Newt Gingrich says that next week he will announce that he is dropping out of the race. Isn't that already the announcement? If you say next week I'll announce I'm dropping out of the race, what's the point of having the announcement next week?" –David Letterman

"According to a new ABC poll, both Michelle Obama and Ann Romney are more popular than their husbands. At this point, so is asbestos." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”