To make it up, Biden promised us that he'd give everybody 100 free hours of AOL (Mr. Potato Head’s lost p*nis)

March 2023

“In other news, it’s been a bad couple of weeks for the Fox Fascist & Friends due to the revelations from the defamation lawsuit by Dominion Voting Systems that the network’s executives and anchors privately hated Trump and knowingly endorsed his election lies anyway. The trove of private messages have reportedly angered the network’s news anchors, who worry they will ‘further sully the reputation of the networks ‘straight news’ journalists’. Really? That’s like the people at Taco Bell worrying that the cool ranch and fiery Doritos locos tacos is going to further sully the reputation of their ass-blasting salt pockets. According to one Fox source in the Daily Beast, ‘it’s just a really bad time to be working here’. Yes, unlike the golden age of their journalism: warning us about woke Lego and longing for Mr. Potato Head’s lost penis.” —Stephen Colbert

“Well, guys, the White House just backed a bipartisan Senate bill that would give President Biden the power to ban TikTok. Or, as they're calling it on TikTok, the ‘Trying to Lose the Election Challenge.’ I wouldn't worry just yet. As of now, Biden thinks TikTok is the clock on 60 Minutes. Don't worry. To make it up, Biden promised us that he'd give everybody 100 free hours of AOL.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s all laid out in the new movie, ‘A Riot Place.’ (because it could hurt them politically)

May 2021

“The House approved a 9/11-style commission to investigate the 6 January attack on the Capitol on Wednesday, though 175 Republican members opposed the bipartisan body. Even though they were in the building when it was attacked by the blood-thirsty mob, they opposed it. Why? Apparently, Republicans fear a January 6 probe could undercut their midterm message. That message: restoring honor to Mr. Potato Head’s penis.” —Stephen Colbert

“Republicans seem to think that if they don’t talk about January 6, no one else will either. GOP leaders demanded equal representation on the commission and then balked when the request was granted, don’t want to find out why they were almost murdered, because it could hurt them politically.” —Stephen Colbert

“The refusal to even look into the siege by congressional Republicans has met outrage from a surprising source: Capitol police officers. On Wednesday, 50 members sent a letter to Congress calling the ‘no’ votes ‘unconscionable to even think anyone could suggest we need to move forward and get over it’. Strong words – this must be particularly tough for Republicans to hear because they’re not used be stopped and questioned by police. Really makes you wonder just who were these Republicans talking about when they said ‘back the blue’. The guys from Avatar? Cookie Monster? Mitch McConnell’s hands?” —Stephen Colbert

“Republicans seem to think that if they don’t talk about Jan. 6, no one else will, either. It’s all laid out in the new movie, ‘A Riot Place.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yo, this is like that time they got rid of Mr Potato Head’s p*nis! (an actual existential crisis)

April 2021

“Vaccine passports are methods to present digital proof of one’s coronavirus vaccinations to gain entry to sporting events or international travel. This can help give businesses peace of mind, you know? American businesses want to know that the customers who are legally carrying assault rifles into their store aren’t going to sneeze on anyone. It’s safe.” —Trevor Noah

“I really want to know what Fox News is gonna do when there’s an actual existential crisis, like a real one. Because everything for Fox News is a crisis, everything – Dr Seuss is a crisis, vaccination cards are a crisis. If America is ever invaded, Fox News is going to be like, ‘Yo, this is like that time they got rid of Mr Potato Head’s penis!’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s a Dr. Seuss-themed gay wedding cake (it’s smart enough to go from sofa to brunch)

March 2021

“I get it — after a year of quarantine, nothing fits anymore. They should have put that ship into their stretchy canal. You know, the one that looks like denim, but gives, and it’s smart enough to go from sofa to brunch.” —Stephen Colbert

“I’ll give you a sense of how huge these container ships are: This one is as long as New York’s Empire State Building is tall. Well, there’s your problem. You should have sailed it through upright.” —Stephen Colbert

“In the wake of the Boulder and Atlanta shootings, many have once again called on Congress to pass gun safety legislation, while others are calling on the NRA to pass the money bucket. Republicans are trying the same old cynical of switching the subject away from guns to things like mental health or video games or ‘look over there! It’s a Dr. Seuss-themed gay wedding cake for the marriage of Pepé Le Pew and Mr Potato Head!’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

There isn’t even 76% approval in my family for my Al Pacino impression (Potato Head pronouns)

March 2021

“There is currently a 76% approval rating from Americans for the $1.9 Trillion relief bill that would bring people a second cheque. There isn’t even 76% approval in my family for my Al Pacino impression.” —Seth Meyers

“But the Covid Relief bill remains up in the air and the Democrats have been accepting harmful modifications and refusing to boldly push it to the finish line. Stop behaving like your own opposition party. Now is the time to go all in while the GOP is distracted by Potato Head’s pronouns.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

it looks like King Midas dry-humped a Bob’s Big Boy (Promises/Reality)

March 2021

“As for his speech, Trump once again doubled down on his baseless election fraud claims as the crowd chanted: ‘You won!’ I watched CPAC and ‘WandaVision’ this weekend, and I’m not sure which characters are living in a more warped reality.” —Trevor Noah

“The star of the weekend was none other than Donald Jobless Trump. And for anyone wondering if Trump is still worshipped by his people,” then look no further than the conference’s large gold statue of the ex-president. Holy shit, guys, did you see that thing? I get it, it’s a golden idol and blasphemous and all of that, blah, blah, blah, but guys, why is he wearing flip flops and holding a magic wand? Do you know how hard it is to make Donald Trump look weirder than he already is? It doesn’t even look like Trump – it looks like King Midas dry-humped a Bob’s Big Boy.” —Trevor Noah

“South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem attacked Anthony Fauci, Representative Matt Gaetz attacked Mr. Potato Head, and the C.E.O. of Goya Beans said Donald Trump is still the ‘real, legitimate and actual president of the United States.’ Now he can get away with saying that because what are you going to do — buy generic black beans?” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

No word yet from ‘Magoo,’ but we’ll see (Won’t someone think of the tots?)

February 2021

“No more ‘Mr.’ Potato Head? Naturally, when this news hit Twitter, the world’s top idiots weighed in. Piers Morgan tweeted, ‘Who was actually offended by Mr. Potato Head being male? I want names. These woke imbeciles are destroying the world.’ Yes, they’re destroying the world. How will children grow up without a strong male potato role model? Won’t someone think of the tots?” —Stephen Colbert

“And by the way, Hasbro isn’t the only one dumping the ‘mister.’ From now on these popular American products will be known as ‘Salty, ‘Peanut,’ ‘Rogers,’ ‘T’ and ‘Clean.’ No word yet from ‘Magoo,’ but we’ll see.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”