Of course I do — Superman, Wonder Woman and Ben Affleck (Batman's recurring nightmare)

Donald Trump went on Twitter today and mocked Ronda Rousey for losing her fight this past weekend. In response, T-Mobile's CEO said he'd pay to see Trump fight her in the ring — at which point, Trump started building a wall around himself. –Jimmy Fallon

Carrie Fisher claims in her upcoming book that she had an affair with Harrison Ford on the set of “Star Wars.” And Jabba the Hutt was like, “You said you don’t date coworkers. What’s the deal?” –Jimmy Fallon

Trump keeps tweeting that the Justice Department should investigate Hillary Clinton, instead of his ties to Russia. When asked if he knows who runs the Justice Department, he said, "Of course I do — Superman, Wonder Woman and Ben Affleck." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the book was way better than the presidency (3%)

"I finally read former President Bush's memoir, and I've got to say, the book was way better than the presidency." –Jimmy Fallon

"George W. Bush's famous 'Mission Accomplished' banner may be put in his Presidential Library. They plan to hang it up as soon as they start construction." –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump went on Twitter today and mocked Ronda Rousey for losing her fight this past weekend. In response, T-Mobile's CEO said he'd pay to see Trump fight her in the ring — at which point, Trump started building a wall around himself. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bieber's funeral is tomorrow

They're saying that Republican candidate Ben Carson made a number of serious mistakes as a neurosurgeon and even left a sponge in one patient's brain. When asked how it affected his life, the patient was like "It's fine, I'm still running for president. I don't care. Everything's great. It's gonna be huge." –Jimmy Fallon

California governor Jerry Brown signed a controversial new bill allowing assisted suicide. Yeah. Just in time for Lakers season. –Conan O’Brien

Lexus has built a drivable car made of cardboard. Part of the new motto is, "Nothing can stop our cars except a light drizzle." –Conan O’Brien

Ultimate fighting champion Ronda Rousey is mad at Justin Bieber because Bieber refused to take a picture with her little sister. Bieber's funeral is tomorrow. –Conan O’Brien

We surrender!

Yesterday, UFC fighter Ronda Rousey accepted a Marine's invitation to the Marine Corps ball in December. When they heard Ronda Rousey was teaming up with the Marines, ISIS was like, "We surrender!" –Jimmy Fallon

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker says that he thinks only 12 states will decide the presidential election. And if Trump wins, those 12 states will include shock, confusion, outrage, despair, denial, anger, bargaining and finally acceptance. –Jimmy Fallon

She also knows what it's like to damage someone's organs in less than 30 seconds

Ben from Ben & Jerry's has endorsed Bernie Sanders for president. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, "After all we've been through together?" –Conan O’Brien

UFC champion Ronda Rousey will be the next model for Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr. chose Rousey because she also knows what it's like to damage someone's organs in less than 30 seconds. –Conan O’Brien