President Clinton said, "This means the terrorists have won." (times that by 11 million)

"After a three-year run, Hooters Airlines announced it's calling it quits, closing its doors. Today,  President Clinton said, 'This means the terrorists have won.'" --Jay Leno

"It's absolutely workable. Just think about Elian Gonzalez, how easy that was. Now just times that by 11 million." --Jon Stewart, on deporting illegal immigrants

"President Bush said it's time for the people of Iraq to put together a functioning government. He said 'it's time to shut her down and get governin'.' Other presidents quote Lincoln and Roosevelt. Bush is the only one to quote Larry the Cable Guy." --Jay Leno