"Tom DeLay, embroiled
in a lobbying scandal, said he will not run for re-election and he will leave
Congress in a few months. DeLay says he will spend his free time doing what he
loves most: slapping ice cream cones out of children's hands." --Tina Fey
"President Bush threw
out the first pitch Monday at Cincinnati's great American ball park. 18 Iraqis
were killed." --Amy Poehler
"According to
Washington insiders, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan could be the
next official to leave the Bush administration. McClellan says he'd like to
spend more time lying for his family." --Amy Poehler
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