getting your breath back will cost you over $600 (Putin named world's sexiest leader)

After starting a firestorm, Mylan's CEO Heather Bresch came forward to address the criticism. She said, “Look, no one's more frustrated than me.” She's frustrated! I mean, the tone-deafness of that just takes your breath away and getting your breath back will cost you over $600. –Stephen Colbert 

The FBI is investigating whether Russian intelligence agencies have hacked the computers at The New York Times, or as the Times reported it, "Putin named world's sexiest leader." –Stephen Colbert

McDonald's recalled the wristbands after they left people with burns and blisters — which, technically, is the job of their apple pie filling. –Stephen Colbert