The park firmly stands against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small (OK, OK, it's pot)

The New York City Parks Department actually released a statement on the naked Trump statue after they took it down. This is completely real — they said, "New York City Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small." –Jimmy Fallon

Scientists have discovered a painkiller that will not cause addiction. When asked for details about this miracle drug, scientists said, "OK, OK, it’s pot." –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has been saying that Hillary Clinton looks unwell. Trump then admitted he thinks any woman over 35 looks like she’s dying. –Conan O’Brien