I thought we were going to work this ‘oot (I haven’t decided which plane I’m taking)

President Trump signed orders on Monday imposing a 50 percent tariff on Canadian goods imported into the U.S. OK, now what are we taxing ourselves to punish Canada for? Fighting again with Canada? I thought we were going to work this ‘oot.’” — Desi Lydic

Trump is threatening further tariffs on Canada for the smoke coming into the U.S. from their wildfires. Are you sure you want America to set a precedent for paying for pollution? I feel like your pals at Pesticide Microplastic Death Diarrhea Lettuce Inc. might have other ideas. — Desi Lydic

“I love how he’s discovering climate change while standing next to his idling jet: ‘Something is causing this, and we have got to get to the bottom of it. Keep the engine running guys, all of ‘em. I haven’t decided which plane I’m taking.’” — Desi Lydic

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

unless they're downwind, then they're totally cool (So finally some good news for the Jonas Brothers)

"Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how long it's been since I have been able to wear my "Go Iran" T-shirt?" –Conan O'Brien

"A major wildfire in northern California is now being blamed on marijuana farmers. Everyone in the region's really angry about it – unless they're downwind, then they're totally cool." –Conan O'Brien

An expert panel has recommended that a medically-induced pregnancy made from three people’s DNA could begin as early as next year. So finally some good news for the Jonas Brothers. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I hope this works because the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid (I wish her well)

I read in the paper today, they said human beings were probably responsible for the wildfires. There goes my theory that it was freebasing raccoons. --Bill Maher

"British Petroleum is going to try something new. They're going to try what they call a 'top kill.' That's where they shove a fluid that looks a lot like mud down into the well. I hope this works because the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I totaled your car but I saved your floor mats (Even people who lost their homes now say it was worth it)

Joe Biden claimed he created 17 million new jobs without mentioning that the pandemic wiped out 22 million. So under him we lost 5 million jobs. That's like saying I totaled your car but I saved your floor mats. —Greg Gutfeld     

                                                                                        

Meanwhile nearly 200 paintings by Hunter Biden have been destroyed in the LA fires. Even people who lost their homes now say it was worth it. —Greg Gutfeld                  

A New York City gym teacher is accused of sticking his penis into a Lysol container while standing in front of his class. I know that is something you never expect to see in a New York City classroom. Lysol. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which has the public demanding more wildfires (finger quotes)

Meghan Markle is postponing the debut of her latest Netflix show due to the concern over wildfires. Which has the public demanding more wildfires. —Greg Gutfeld       

So with Donald Trump becoming president Rachel Maddow will return to MSNBC five nights a week. In related news Doritos will be adding more asbestos. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He also defended his homeless policy with a coupon for tents (And he's like the main boy)

In defending his fire response Governor Newsom sent people to a DNC fundraising site. He also defended his homeless policy with a coupon for tents. —Greg Gutfeld

Kevin O’Leary claimed Donald Trump shot a 68 at Mara-lago with Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson replying, ‘Big deal we shoot that many over a holiday weekend.’ —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He'll be wearing his formal wife beaters (leaving his house with his most prized possessions)

Kid Rock is scheduled to perform at Donald Trump's inaugural celebration. Because of the occasions historical importance he'll be wearing his formal wife beaters. —Greg Gutfeld                    

Climate Warrior Leo DiCaprio has fled LA on a private jet as the fires continue to rage. He was seen seen leaving his house with his most prized possessions Britney and Amber. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Does this burning city make me look fat? (Let's only hope that the sock he puts in his crotch is flame retardant)

As wildfires still wreak havoc in southern California President Biden used a briefing on the fires to brag that he's now a great grandfather. Even worse, when aides rushed him to leave he said, hey buddy where's the fire. —Greg Gutfeld   

I haven't seen this many Californians run for their lives since Cher made an appearance without her makeup. —Greg Gutfeld      

Out of concern for safety, firefighters made sure to keep Gavin Newsom far from the blaze. The last thing they need was a grease fire too. —Greg Gutfeld        

ABC's David Muir is being mocked for using clothes pins to cinch his jacket more tightly around his chest while reporting from the scene of the fire. He was also overheard asking a crew member does this burning city make me look fat. Let's only hope that the sock he puts in his crotch is flame retardant. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Let’s call it Maga-ritaville, baby! (I thought it was another Canadian wildfire)

Donald Trump remains the frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination despite numerous ongoing legal cases. Joe Biden, meanwhile, is dealing with significant pushback from his base; according to new polls, 21% of Democrats disapprove of him. And that’s the difference – Trump doesn’t have the same problem with his base. Trump could renounce literally every position he’s ever held, call himself a woke antifa communist who believes the military should be abolished and everyone should live together on one giant hippie commune where they smoke weed and wear Hawaiian shirts, and his supporters would be like, ‘hell yeah, let’s call it Maga-ritaville, baby!’ —Seth Meyers

“President Biden turned 81 today despite his campaign staff specifically advising him not to.” — Seth Meyers

There were so many candles on Biden’s birthday cake, I thought it was another Canadian wildfire. — Dulcé Sloan, guest host of “The Daily Show”

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills just joined SEAL Team 6 (Torso Jones)

"Nine survivors of shark attacks recently went to Washington, D.C., to press the Senate to put new restrictions on shark fishing. The Senate met with the leader of the group, Torso Jones." --Conan O'Brien

"A major wildfire in northern California is now being blamed on marijuana farmers. Everyone in the region's really angry about it – unless they're downwind, then they're totally cool." –Conan O'Brien

A new study just came out that found that breast implants can save your life if you’re shot in the chest. In a related story, the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” just joined SEAL Team 6. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Among the new states would be Botoxia, Pornsylvania, and of course, the Commonwealth of Kardashiania (Drop it!)

"A major wildfire in northern California is now being blamed on marijuana farmers. Everyone in the region's really angry about it – unless they're downwind, then they're totally cool." –Conan O'Brien

A new report says that former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice recently rejected an offer from Donald Trump to be his running mate. When Trump's people asked why she rejected the offer, she said, "For the last time, I'm Whoopi Goldberg." –Conan O’Brien

"There's currently a petition to split California into several states. Among the new states would be Botoxia, Pornsylvania, and of course, the Commonwealth of Kardashiania." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently watching all the people in coach silently trudging past you just doesn’t hit the way it used to (a whole bunch of silvers)

"The important thing for people to know is that I'm gonna be runnin' for president every four years for the rest of my life. It's my Olympics and I intend to win a whole bunch of silvers." –Tina Fey as Sarah Palin

"It's just so great to be back on Fox News, a network that both pays me and shows me the questions ahead of time. I just hope that tonight the lamestream media won't twist my words by repeating them verbatim." –Tina Fey as Sarah Palin

"Pat Philbin, the man who staged a fake FEMA news conference on the California wildfires last week, has lost his promotion because of the event. Which begs the question, 'What does it take to actually get fired from FEMA?'" --Amy Poehler

 

"After securing the Republican presidential nomination on Tuesday, John McCain addressed his supporters, saying, 'Stand up with me, my friends. Stand up and fight for America.' To which supporters responded, [on screen: picture of elderly people in wheelchairs] 'We can't.'"

--Amy Poehler

Some airlines have announced that as part of Coronavirus safety procedures they will now be boarding from the back of the plane so that First Class will be the last to board. Apparently watching all the people in coach silently trudging past you just doesn’t hit the way it used to. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you're not the only rock in the neighborhood, you know what I'm saying? (You can't PowerPoint your way to j*had)

"Osama bin Laden fell surprisingly short in his latest tape, in which he discussed realigning percentages of Muslim representation on the U.N. Security Council and made some funding proposals for the Hamas regime in the Palestinian Territory. You know, I think Osama's jumped the sheik on this latest tape. Osama, keep your eye on the prize. Leave the Excel spreadsheets to the financial guys. You can't PowerPoint your way to jihad." --Jon Stewart

"Last week was a busy, busy week for both major parties. Starting with the Democrats, who met for a candidates forum on Logo, the gay-oriented cable channel that is not Lifetime or Bravo. It was generally a friendly event, except for one William Richardson [on screen: Richardson saying homosexuality is a choice, when asked if homosexuality is a choice or it is biological]. Richardson then swung into damage control mode, explaining the next day he didn't understand the question because of jet lag. Yes, apparently, the governor had just flown in from the 1950s." --Jon Stewart

"What was Earth doing in the run-up to Earth Day? Well, over the last week it gave us a volcano erupting in Peru, earthquakes in Tibet, Indonesia and Japan, freak tornados in America and the Philippines, floods in Hungary, Romania, Malaysia and Kenya, wildfires in Colorado, and a category five super-cyclone that's about to destroy Darwin, Australia. Earth, could you meet me over at camera three please? Hey Earth, how's it going? So I guess kissing your ass doesn't work. We call you beautiful, precious, mother. Gave you your own day. Just like veterans and groundhogs. We even named you planet of the year in 1988 -- even though by any objective estimation that was Neptune's year. We try to make nice, and what do you do? Not only do you kill us in a thousand different ways, but when we raise your temperature by just a degree -- one little degree -- you're all, 'Oh, it's so hot now, my polar ice caps are melting!' You're a pussy! I got news for you, Earth, you're not the only rock in the neighborhood, you know what I'm saying?" --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, the only person we can rule out is Billy Joel — he’s got an airtight alibi (jacked on enough cocaine to bring down a bison)

"It's been five years since the economic meltdown. And while even I used to be mad at Wall Street -- at this point, who can even remember who wired the global financial system to a roulette wheel, while jacked on enough cocaine to bring down a bison?" –Stephen Colbert

At the beginning of the speech, he listed some of the natural disasters we've endured this year. [clip of Trump] "We have endured floods and fires and storms." And Stormys! Don't forget her! She was one of the most expensive disasters for you, personally. --Stephen Colbert

“House Republicans assigned Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia to the Education and Labor Committee this week. Oh, come on! The lady who denies school shootings is in charge of the schools? Why not just appoint Surgeon General Joe Camel? ‘Warning: Smoking can make you dangerously cool.’” —Stephen Colbert

“In the midst of the devastating California wildfires of 2018, Marjorie Taylor Greene went on Facebook and claimed that the real and hidden culprit behind the fire was a laser from space triggered by some nefarious group of people. Who started the fire? So far, the only person we can rule out is Billy Joel — he’s got an airtight alibi.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Congress has a line of credit with China for up to $14.3 trillion (it was just the Metamucil talking)

June 2011

"Sarah Palin has canceled the rest of her bus trip around America. She had to quit before she got to Mount Rushmore and somebody asked her to name the Presidents.” –Jay Leno

"Senator John McCain is in a bit of hot water after he made an unsubstantiated claim that illegal immigrants caused the Arizona wildfires. He kind of backtracked today. Now he's saying it was just the Metamucil talking." –Jay Leno

"John McCain made his claim that illegal immigrants started the Arizona wildfires without doing his research. The last time he did that we got Sarah Palin.” -Jay Leno

"It has now been revealed that Newt Gingrich had a second line of credit at Tiffany's for up to a million dollars. That sounds like a lot until you remember that Congress has a line of credit with China for up to $14.3 trillion." –Jay Leno

"More bad news for Newt Gingrich. One week after his campaign staff quit, his campaign finance team quit. In fact, Newt was going to pull out of the race, but today the guy who writes his concession speeches quit. He can't do anything." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wow, newsflash! Elderly New Yorker moves to Florida (that’s pretty representative)

The wildfires are so bad in California right now, Lori Loughlin today paid for her kids to get into a better shelter. --Bill Maher

Congress finally did it, they voted to formalize impeachment. It got zero Republican votes. Zero Republicans think Trump has done anything that's even worth checking out. Their view is they're outraged. They say the Democrats are trying to overturn the election and thwart the will of the Russians. --Bill Maher

Nancy Pelosi says they hope to start right before Thanksgiving. Great idea. Get our Trump loving relatives at peak panic mode right before we hand them the giant carving knife. --Bill Maher

A Democrat resigned this week from congress. Katie Hill. There were pretty graphic pictures of her kissing women and smoking a bong nude. She was a representative of California and that’s pretty representative. --Bill Maher

Trump has said that he has had it with the East Coast elitists. He is changing his official residency now to Florida. Wow, newsflash! Elderly New Yorker moves to Florida. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump will go anywhere where there's a chance a Latino might run into a wall (some dirt on Joe Biden)

Speaking of the World Series, Trump says he is going to a game five if there is a game five. Trump doesn't really like baseball but he'll go anywhere where there's a chance a Latino might run into a wall. --Bill Maher

Trump said no to throwing out the first pitch of the World Series. He said he'd like to but throwing makes his tits jiggle. --Bill Maher

This is a very beautiful time here in Southern California. I think mid-fall right. It's a lot like New England or our trees turning a beautiful shade of red and gold that's because they're on fire. --Bill Maher

President Trump says he will send federal aid for the fires in California, but first they have to come up with some dirt on Joe Biden. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

House Democrats have been spotted at Costco buying subpoenas in bulk (you can only slide so long on charm)

I read in the paper today they said human beings were probably responsible for the fires there goes my theory that it was freebasing raccoons. --Bill Maher

It seems Trump’s response to every tragedy is, “How can I hurt.” --Bill Maher

Trump only once came to California to look at wall swatches. He he went down to the border to see the wall he still hasn't built. You know Trump fans and others if you're keeping score: no wall, no health care plan that was “better, cheaper covered everybody.”  The trade deficit bigger. The tax cut did not pay for itself. The debt of course, is exploding. North Korea is building bombs again. You know, Mr. President, you can only slide so long on charm. --Bill Maher

I mean House Democrats have been spotted at Costco buying subpoenas in bulk. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is the time of year when I make the transition from medical marijuana to recreational marijuana (Party Identification)

Trump is gonna be here tomorrow. He's coming to California to check on the wildfire situation and he says he can relate because last Tuesday he also lost a House. --Bill Maher

This is our last show before next year we come back January 18th. That's two months so thank you for appreciating that, but this has been an amazing season. I want to thank my producers my crew my head writer Donald Trump. --Bill Maher

I'm sorry to leave you at the two months but I need a break. It has been very stressful. This is the time of year when I make the transition from medical marijuana to recreational marijuana. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”