Is now a bad time to tell you that there’s algae in the pool again? (or ask Dr. Strange to erase everyone’s memory)

“I read that President Trump has been furious about the Iran war, and he’s been shouting curse words at his top national security officials. Yeah, his staff was like, ‘Is now a bad time to tell you that there’s algae in the pool again?’” — Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, the last time Trump was this angry was when McDonald’s added salads to the menu.” — Jimmy Fallon

“But the White House downplayed the report. They said the president just gets cranky when he misses his all-day naps.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, officials remain divided over whether they should stop Iran’s nuclear program, protect ships in the Strait of Hormuz, or ask Dr. Strange to erase everyone’s memory.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the Sea Biscuit biscuit (the school's bake sale raised 40 million dollars)

"Congress may allow Americans to start selling horse meat for human consumption. When they heard the news, McDonald's unveiled their new breakfast offering, the Sea Biscuit biscuit." –Conan O'Brien

Here in New York federal agents busted a 12 million dollar marijuana operation that was operating across the street from a public school. Police became suspicious when the school's bake sale raised 40 million dollars. --Conan O’Brien 3/25/2005

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You bet! Where's Uhura? (did in fact not get a kid)

A McDonald's employee will face charges for putting fries in her mouth before serving them to a customer. On the bright side, it's the first time McDonald's fries were actually served warm. —Greg Gutfeld

A California judge has banned the Cars for Kids jingle after ruling that the charity misled donors. True. Our investigative reporter found out that people who donated a car did in fact not get a kid. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're made out of people who ask too many questions (it does seem like he’s had a lot of concussions)

​​"McDonald's released a new video showing how it makes their Chicken McNuggets. Apparently it turns out that McNuggets aren't made out of chicken. They're made out of people who ask too many questions." –Conan O'Brien

It has been reported that a woman in Illinois still breastfeeds her eight-year-old son and she says that the boy doesn't think there's anything odd about it. Though the boy does want to know why his friends always want to have lunch at his house. --Conan O’Brien 7/11/2002

Donald Trump told People Magazine that he’s good at sports. Which could be true, because it does seem like he’s had a lot of concussions. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the same thing Joe Biden said as he bit into a pine cone (the wrong guy)

So, at the McDonald's Impact Summit yesterday, President Trump praised the filet-o-fish, but said it needs more tartar sauce. It's the same thing Joe Biden said as he bit into a pine cone. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett claimed that Lee Zeldon received money from Jeffrey Epstein, but it turns out it wasn't the sex offender. It was actually a doctor donating to Zeldon's campaign. This is not to exonerate Zeldon, but to keep Hillary Clinton from hanging the wrong guy. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Over my soon to be dead body (Thanks, but I just wanted a Big Mac)

Karine Jean-Pierre announced that she's writing a tell-all book about the Biden administration. In response people are saying "Thanks, but I just wanted a Big Mac." —Greg Gutfeld

And when Joe Biden was asked if he's going to read the book he replied "Over my soon to be dead body." —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's had more microphones stuck in his face than Pelosi has had needles (it was on stationary labeled coroners report)

You didn’t need an MD to see Biden was DOA. Of course they couldn't release his medical evaluations since it was on stationary labeled coroners report. —Greg Gutfeld

Trump is everywhere. He’s not just healthy, but over the top healthy. He may live on McDonald's and Diet Coke but he runs rings around reporters half his age. Even Politico called Trump just about the most accessible president in modern history. It’s true. Trump has done media on 111 of his 138 days in office That's an 80% hit rate. He's had more microphones stuck in his face than Pelosi has had needles. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

...And the the people said (accidentally eaten Yoda)

A seven-year-old boy somehow drove his little sister nine miles to a McDonald's in his mom's SUV. Authorities say it could have been far worse if the mom had been driving. —Greg Gutfeld

To celebrate Star Wars Day JB Pritzker tweeted out a picture of himself in a Jedi costume. Whoa. Even Jabba the Hut was like "Wow this dude's fat." True, the picture caused many to wonder if Pritzker had accidentally eaten Yoda. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s a Chernobyl of opportunity right now (squeezing HIS balls for a change)

President Trump posted on Truth Social that he would undergo his annual physical examination at Walter Reed medical center on Friday. I bet it’s going to be an excellent report. Let me guess: his physical strength and stamina are extraordinary, his blood pressure is astonishing and he is by far the healthiest president to successfully tank the world economy overnight. I will say, after all he’s put us through, it will be nice to know that on Friday, somebody will be squeezing his balls for a change. —Jimmy Kimmel

Trump used to say, “There’s a lot of opportunity in the bad times.” And now there’s nothing but opportunity as far as the eye can see. It’s a Chernobyl of opportunity right now. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

He's already landed the lead in the reboot of The Walking Dead (they're complicit)

Congratulations to Joe Biden who signed with the Hollywood Powerhouse agency CAA. He's already landed the lead in the reboot of The Walking Dead. Meanwhile Kamala Harris just signed a deal to get her old job back at McDonald’s. —Greg Gutfeld 

Mexican president Claudia Sheinbaum made a deal with Trump to pause tariffs and put 10,000 Mexican troops on the border. And the best part is they all fit in one car. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump would high-five him so hard it would break both their hands (It will be the first time Trump has ever paid a construction worker on time)

During a particularly contentious back-and-forth, the Democratic senator Tim Kaine pressed Hegseth over his alleged marital affairs. “You’re asking why Pete Hegseth didn’t tell Trump about how many times he cheated on his wife? Maybe because if he did, Trump would high-five him so hard it would break both their hands.”  —Jordan Klepper                                       

The Village People are set to perform at Trump’s inaugural eve ball. It will be the first time Trump has ever paid a construction worker on time. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He'll be wearing his formal wife beaters (leaving his house with his most prized possessions)

Kid Rock is scheduled to perform at Donald Trump's inaugural celebration. Because of the occasions historical importance he'll be wearing his formal wife beaters. —Greg Gutfeld                    

Climate Warrior Leo DiCaprio has fled LA on a private jet as the fires continue to rage. He was seen seen leaving his house with his most prized possessions Britney and Amber. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the best money I ever spent said Chris Christie (hold the special sauce)

A massive tuna sold for $1.3 million at a Japanese auction. It's the best money I ever spent said Chris Christie. —Greg Gutfeld

700 former employees are suing McDonald's because their managers demanded sex in exchange for extra hours. One thing's for sure the next time I go to McDonald’s, I'm going to ask them to hold the special sauce. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The veil sheltering you from "reality" is lifting (cavity-searched at the M&M store)

Luigi Mangione, 26, was caught after being recognized at a McDonald’s in Altoona, Pennsylvania, with a hash brown in hand. They caught him brown-handed. It’s so crazy to think that Donald Trump working the french-fry machine was only the second weirdest thing to happen at a McDonald’s in Pennsylvania this year. —Jimmy Kimmel

Luigi Mangione has been charged with second-degree murder but is not pleading guilty and is fighting extradition to New York. Well, that makes sense, no one wants to be extradited to New York during the holidays. You’ve got to wait in a two-hour line just to be cavity-searched at the M&M store. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the last pigeon (McFlurry)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka said that her father loves eating at McDonald's. It makes sense, considering the “McFlurry” is also what Trump asks for when he goes to the barber. –Jimmy Fallon

Let’s get to some sports here. The Giants announced that they are benching Eli Manning this weekend. Eli’s not sure what’s worse – not getting to play for the Giants, or having to WATCH the Giants. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He can’t resist a lady holding a mop (And that’s the power of prayer)

In London, someone stole 22 metric tons of award-winning cheese. “Did someone say cheese,” said Chris Christie. —Greg Gutfeld

Later this month, the McRib will return to select McDonald’s restaurants. “And that’s the power of prayer,” said Chris Christie. —Greg Gutfeld

Arnold Schwarzenegger has endorsed Kamala Harris for president. Kamala said if elected president she would clean house, and we all know that Schwarzenegger can’t resist a lady holding a mop. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we're just glad our parents aren't around to see this (you can't hold a guy back wearing all that baby oil)

An attorney for Diddy said that his client wants to testify at his trial, saying, I don't know that I can keep him off the stand because you can't hold a guy back wearing all that baby oil. —Michael Che   

A new Netflix show about convicted murderers Eric and Lyle Menendez is being criticized for implying the brothers had an incestuous relationship. Said the brothers, we're just glad our parents aren't around to see this. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, good news for Mrs. Heat Wave (it just shows you the middle finger emoji)

“Scientists warn heat waves will be longer, more intense and more frequent. So, good news for Mrs. Heat Wave.” — Stephen Colbert

“Yep, this week, when you open the weather app, it just shows you the middle finger emoji.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You will have to use your car in the McDonald's parking lot like the rest of us (Then the strangest thing happened)

Donald Trump says he's too busy to give a birthday present to his wife. I mean, how much effort does it take to just leave the back door open and say, "You're free, Melania. I let you go.” --James Corden

Apparently, the library at the University of Utah has installed what they're calling a "Cry Closet." This is exactly what it sounds like. I promise this is true. It's a closet where stressed-out students can go to cry. Because there's nothing more comforting than being trapped in a tiny dark box. It's going to be a shock when those students graduate. Take it from me, there are no "Cry Closets" out here in the real world. You will have to use your car in the McDonald's parking lot like the rest of us. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The price of a Big Mac (Who’s Hitler?)

SpaceX is planning to build a Mars rocket right here in Los Angeles. The voyage to Mars will take nine months, but eight of those months will be spent just getting out of L.A. --Conan O’Brien

At today’s Easter Egg Roll, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer read a book to children. Afterwards, all the kids had the same question: “Who’s Hitler?” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”