Does this burning city make me look fat? (Let's only hope that the sock he puts in his crotch is flame retardant)

As wildfires still wreak havoc in southern California President Biden used a briefing on the fires to brag that he's now a great grandfather. Even worse, when aides rushed him to leave he said, hey buddy where's the fire. —Greg Gutfeld   

I haven't seen this many Californians run for their lives since Cher made an appearance without her makeup. —Greg Gutfeld      

Out of concern for safety, firefighters made sure to keep Gavin Newsom far from the blaze. The last thing they need was a grease fire too. —Greg Gutfeld        

ABC's David Muir is being mocked for using clothes pins to cinch his jacket more tightly around his chest while reporting from the scene of the fire. He was also overheard asking a crew member does this burning city make me look fat. Let's only hope that the sock he puts in his crotch is flame retardant. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I believe in God, but not enough to take a $95 helicopter ride (But you can imagine what'd be like if they did)

A musical based on Cher’s life will come to Broadway next year. But I dunno — what are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals? –Jimmy Fallon

Traffic is really backed up here in New York City because of the Pope's visit, but a company called Blade is offering $95 helicopter rides around the city. Even the Pope said, "I believe in God, but not enough to take a $95 helicopter ride.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals? (100 percent will still complain about the results)

A woman in Colorado says that after someone hit her car, they left an apology note, and half a joint. It got weirder when he came back later and said, “Did I accidentally leave my apology note here?” –Jimmy Fallon

"A new study estimates that only 3.4 percent of Americans will vote in the midterm elections next month. But on the bright side, 100 percent will still complain about the results." –Jimmy Fallon

A musical based on Cher’s life will come to Broadway next year. But I dunno — what are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals? –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Great, that should pretty much make up for everything (I'm going to make my husband take down his Cher posters)

"Conservatives are criticizing Time magazine because they put President Obama on the cover for the 12th time in the last year. Not only that, every week since Obama was elected, he's been on the cover of Black President Magazine." --Conan O'Brien

"Cher tweeted that Michele Bachmann needs to go back to school and take a history class. Michele Bachmann said, 'Because of that comment I'm going to make my husband take down his Cher posters.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Interesting announcement just came out. Next month, a 95-year-old Crow Indian chief will receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom. When asked about it, the chief said, 'Great, that should pretty much make up for everything.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I never would have thought giving money to a porn star would be an act of patriotism (he started calling them dad)

"Yesterday Rick Santorum greeted the locals by telling them if Puerto Rico wants to become a state, they need to start speaking English. Only Rick Santorum would go to someone's native land and tell them they're speaking the wrong language." –Jimmy Kimmel

Deutsch Bank in Germany gave Donald Trump more than $2 Billion in loans. They gave Trump so much money he started calling them dad. --Jimmy Kimmel

There are new developments in the case of Stormy Daniels, the adult film star who may or definitely did have sex with Donald Trump. She is trying to raise money to pay her legal fees. She launched a fundraising page on a website called CrowdJustice.com. So now you can give money to a porn star just like the president of the United States. In 24 hours, she’s raised more than $135,000. I never would have thought giving money to a porn star would be an act of patriotism. But then, I never thought a guy who would get in a Twitter war with Cher would become president. Every dollar you donate potentially brings us one step closer to seeing photos that will haunt our dreams forever.  --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Their anti-gay laws are so strict, men can be arrested just for showing up at a Cher concert (18 months ahead of schedule)

"Well, the publisher was impressed that Sarah Palin finished the book four months ahead of schedule. That's not a big deal. She finished her term as governor 18 months ahead of schedule." --Jay Leno

"Cher has turned down an invitation to sing at the 2014 Olympics in Russia because of Russia's anti-gay laws. Their anti-gay laws are so strict, men can be arrested just for showing up at a Cher concert." –Jay Leno

"Scientists in Stockholm say hundreds of jellyfish have shut down a nuclear reactor. Hey, that's nothing. In this country, a bunch of spineless jellyfish have shut down the entire government." –Jay Leno

"No, actually, experts say this $5 billion project of President Obama's could lead to the development of dozens of life-saving medical treatments that your insurance company could one day turn you down for." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because of that comment I'm going to make my husband take down his Cher posters (You are doing it all wrong)

"Cher tweeted that Michele Bachmann needs to go back to school

and take a history class. Michele Bachmann said, 'Because of that

comment I'm going to make my husband take down his Cher

posters.'" –Conan O'Brien

"First they had a beer at the White House. Well, now, Professor Gates and the cop who arrested him are planning to go to a Red Sox game. It's getting to be a bit much. Last night, they went to a piano bar and sang 'Ebony and Ivory.'" --Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump insisted he's always had a great relationship with women. He said, "I believe a woman can be anything she wants to be, whether that's Miss USA or Miss Universe. Either one." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I usually vote for whomever Cher is voting for (that's only $22 a day)

"Democrats are split pretty evenly between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I say, when in doubt, let your favorite celebrity decide for you. I usually vote for whomever Cher is voting for." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Paris Hilton is in hot water for a picture in which she looks like she's doing a Nazi salute. Let's be honest, Paris Hilton has no idea what a Nazi salute is. She probably thinks Nazi is a game you play with dice." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Now they are saying that Eliot Spitzer may have spent $80,000 on prostitutes over the last ten years. Is that a lot? I mean if you do the math, that's only $22 a day. I spend that on Direct TV." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So now you can give money to a porn star just like the president of the United States (what you're really getting)

Deutsch Bank in Germany gave Donald Trump more than $2 Billion in loans. They gave Trump so much money he started calling them dad. --Jimmy Kimmel

In 24 hours, she’s raised more than $135,000. I never would have thought giving money to a porn star would be an act of patriotism. But then, I never thought a guy who would get in a Twitter war with Cher would become president. --Jimmy Kimmel

There are new developments in the case of Stormy Daniels, the adult film star who may or definitely did have sex with Donald Trump. She is trying to raise money to pay her legal fees. She launched a fundraising page on a website called CrowdJustice.com. So now you can give money to a porn star just like the president of the United States. --Jimmy Kimmel

"It wasn't much of a Super Bowl game. The Seahawks beat the Broncos 43-8. You know how after the game the winning players go to Disney World? Some of the Seahawks went halfway through the third quarter." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a super Congress consists of six congressmen from each party, plus Wolverine (Dances to Gaga)

August 2011

"The debt deal calls for the formation of a 'super Congress' to take on tougher decisions down the road. In case you're wondering, a super Congress consists of six congressmen from each party, plus Wolverine." –Conan O'Brien

"The world's 7 billionth person is expected to be born in India in October. He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger." –Conan O'Brien

"In Washington a Native American tribe has approved same-sex marriage. The move was led by the tribe's leader, Dances to Gaga." –Conan O'Brien

"Cher tweeted that Michele Bachmann needs to go back to school and take a history class. Michele Bachmann said, 'Because of that comment I'm going to make my husband take down his Cher posters.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

one step closer to seeing photos that will haunt our dreams forever (Twitter war with Cher)

Donald Trump, surprisingly, hasn’t tweeted about Mueller’s subpoena yet. Probably because he doesn’t know how to spell the word subpoena. --Jimmy Kimmel

There are new developments in the case of Stormy Daniels, the adult film star who may or definitely did have sex with Donald Trump. She is trying to raise money to pay her legal fees. She launched a fundraising page on a website called CrowdJustice.com. So now you can give money to a porn star just like the president of the United States. --Jimmy Kimmel

In 24 hours, she’s raised more than $135,000. I never would have thought giving money to a porn star would be an act of patriotism. But then, I never thought a guy who would get in a Twitter war with Cher would become president. --Jimmy Kimmel

Every dollar you donate potentially brings us one step closer to seeing photos that will haunt our dreams forever. --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

what are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals?

A musical based on Cher’s life will come to Broadway next year. But I dunno — what are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals? –Jimmy Fallon

A woman in Colorado says that after someone hit her car, they left an apology note, and half a joint. It got weirder when he came back later and said, “Did I accidentally leave my apology note here?” –Jimmy Fallon

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

JOKES: George W Bush Haunted House (whomever Cher is voting for)

"Last week, prison guards had to use tear gas to break up prison riots in New Jersey. When the tear gas didn't work, the guards sprayed the prisoners with New Jersey air." --Conan O'Brien

"Democrats are split pretty evenly between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I say, when in doubt let your favorite celebrity decide for you. I usually vote for whomever Cher is voting for." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Congratulations to presidential candidate Barack Obama. He won a Grammy last night for best spoken word album. Boy, there's four words you haven't heard in the same sentence in a while - 'presidential' and 'best spoken word.'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Cruz locks himself in a transgender bathroom and vows never come out

The Indiana primary was today and we’re this much closer to having a president who starts Twitter fights with Cher. –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump had a big win. Indiana is a basketball state. He’s worried that if he spent too much time there, people might try to grab his orange head and try to dribble it. –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump now leads Ted Cruz by 42 points, which is too many points. Is anybody else starting to feel bad for Ted Cruz? Poor guy probably wants to lock himself up in a transgender bathroom and never come out. –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump is trying to spread the tabloid story that Ted Cruz’s dad is somehow involved in the assassination of JFK. While I’m pretty sure Rafael Cruz didn’t have anything to do with the assassination of JFK, he does look like a James Bond villain from the Sean Connery era. –Jimmy Kimmel

Arrested for showing up at a Cher concert

"Cher has turned down an invitation to sing at the 2014 Olympics in Russia because of Russia's anti-gay laws. Their anti-gay laws are so strict, men can be arrested just for showing up at a Cher concert." –Jay Leno 



"You know, if I wanted to pick out one thing that best exemplifies our country's peculiar relationship with guns, it's that the phrase 'minor shooting incident' exists." –Jon Stewart on reports that the Navy Yard shooter was previously in involved in minor shooting incidents

It's not the heat that gets you, it's the stupidity.

"Cher tweeted that Michele Bachmann needs to go back to school and take a history class. Michele Bachmann said, 'Because of that comment I'm going to make my husband take down his Cher posters.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"July was the hottest month on record in Washington, D.C. But it's not the heat that gets you; it's the stupidity." –Jay Leno 

"Vice President Joe Biden referred to the Tea Party as 'terrorists.' This is a real slap in the face — to terrorists." –David Letterman