This could not be permitted (He just wanted to see if he was a power bottom)

“Actually, last night at a different rally in Texas, Trump once again brought up how much time he has been spending studying Ohio senator Jon Husted’s butt. ‘Studying.’ Now I’m picturing Trump sitting up at night with flash cards of butts. He’s like, ‘[imitating Trump] OK, Nicki Minaj, Kim Kardashian. Jon Husted.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, earlier tonight, Trump held another rally in Ohio to campaign for Jon Husted. It was a great rally. Trump spent an hour pretending to drop things so Husted would have to pick them up.” — Jimmy Fallon

“See, stop making it weird, media. He studied his [expletive] to see where the power came from. It’s not gay. He just wanted to see if he was a power bottom. Move on!” — Jordan Klepper

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What are the odds? (he told me to open my mouth and say oink)

A Florida man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $75,000 worth of Campbell’s Soup. I for one hope this guy goes away for Mmm-Mmm good. —Norm Macdonald

Hey news media leave Kim Kardashian alone will you. She's pregnant, of course she's gonna she's going to gain weight. And if anyone knows about rapid weight gain it's me. You know I went to see the doctor about it and he told me to open my mouth and say oink. —Norm Macdonald

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it was just his turn (Fullofshiticus)

A robot beat the human record by several minutes in a half marathon. A dejected Kenyon said, "Well, we're still the birthplace of Barack Obama.” —Greg Gutfeld

Kim Kardashian is dating Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton. Hamilton admitted he's not interested in Kim, but it was just his turn. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

leading many to believe that Kim Kardashian is a serial killer (students kept showing up late for sex)

 

A growing number of patients are getting butt lifts using fat from dead people leading many to believe that Kim Kardashian is a serial killer. —Greg Gutfeld

After New York banned cell phones, teachers have discovered that many teens can't read clocks. They noticed this when the students kept showing up late for sex. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

At what point do we politely ask Canada to govern us? (We're here to talk to you about your tweets)

"The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They're out there." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Today was day 10 of the government shutdown. At what point do we politely ask Canada to govern us?" –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Has anyone looked into this??? (hung jury)

New York governor Kathy Hochul issued an apology for a boarding school's past treatment towards Native Americans. Apology accepted said Elizabeth Warren. —Greg Gutfeld

Kim Kardashian has finally earned her law degree after six years. Well there's nothing she loves more than a hung jury. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If your dad offers you a million dollars, say yes (totally freaked out by Rick Santorum)

“According to exit polls, Mitt Romney is struggling with voters who call themselves very conservative. However, Mitt is doing great with voters who describe themselves as being 'totally freaked out by Rick Santorum.'” –Conan O’Brien

This weekend, Kim Kardashian posted a naked selfie, and yesterday, Sharon Osbourne got inspired and posted a naked selfie. That explains why today, authorities shut down Barbara Walters' internet service. –Conan O’Brien

At the White House today, President Trump gave advice to a group of schoolchildren and he told them to “work hard.” Trump also told them, “If your dad offers you a million dollars, say yes.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, it's Epstein Files Not Released Day ...Again (he can't even afford to pay himself for sex)

As part of a promotion a 60 foot long balloon body double of Kim Kardashian appeared in Times Square. It's made entirely out of rubber and plastic and so is the balloon. —Greg Gutfeld 

Hunter Biden is asking a judge to toss his laptop lawsuit because he's millions in debt. It's true, Hunter’s so broke he can't even afford to pay himself for sex. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which explains the welcome gift of a case of Purell he received from his co-workers (undone faster than Kim Kardashian's bra at an NBA mini camp)

Jeffrey Toobin has joined the New York Times opinion section. Now you remember him as the CNN anchor who was caught masturbating on a zoom call. Which explains the welcome gift of a case of Purell he received from his co-workers. —Greg Gutfeld

Under Trump, all of Joe Biden’s so-called accomplishments are being undone faster than Kim Kardashian's bra at an NBA mini camp. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It will make Hillary's loss in 2016 look respectable (I want to change my Supreme Court nominee)

Kanye West said that Kim Kardashian is actually enrolled in law school. When he found out, President Trump said, "I want to change my Supreme Court nominee. Can we do that now? Is it too late?" --Jimmy Fallon

"Vice President Dick Cheney had a closed door meeting with House Republicans to discuss foreign policy issues. He wanted to sit down with them and have a real heart to…whatever is in there at this point." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But still, like air, I'll rise (blondes and Hannity)

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of "GQ," with the headline "Kim as you've never seen her." Which I can only assume means in a library? –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is a victory for the 1%! (Wait, What Just Happened In Vegas?)

This weekend, Kim Kardashian posted a naked selfie, and yesterday, Sharon Osbourne got inspired and posted a naked selfie. That explains why today, authorities shut down Barbara Walters' internet service. –Conan O’Brien

The Las Vegas Strip has just opened its first medical marijuana dispensary. Which is why today the city changed its slogan to "What Happens in Vegas… Wait, What Just Happened In Vegas?" –Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney just barely won the Republican primary in Ohio by 1%. Then Romney made the mistake of saying, 'Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is a victory for the 1%!'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like he never left (This Country Is Out Of Order)

"The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They're out there." –Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump, on his first day back in the United States after a 12-day trip through Asia, started the morning with a flurry of tweets. Trump took to Twitter today to brag about the stock market, attack The New York Times, promote "Fox and Friends," promote Sean Hannity, criticize three UCLA basketball players, send his condolences after another multi-victim shooting to the wrong city in the wrong state. And that's it, I think. It's like he never left. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sloppy bottoms at Bohemian Grove (and . . . nobody’s calling HIM a genius)

Hillary Clinton is out promoting her new book, and in an interview this week, she said that if she’d won the election, she would’ve been seen as a “genius.” I don’t know about that, cuz Trump DID win the election, and . . . nobody’s calling HIM a genius. –Jimmy Fallon

A video was just posted of a giant python in the New York City subway wrapped around a handrail. Passengers were like, “Eww! He’s TOUCHING the handrail!” –Jimmy Fallon

Kanye West said that Kim Kardashian is actually enrolled in law school. When he found out, President Trump said, "I want to change my Supreme Court nominee. Can we do that now? Is it too late?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Please do not lump us in with those maniacs (You can spot them a mile away)

"Newt Gingrich says he does not support gay marriage. He says marriage is a sacred sacrament that should only be between a man and his first, second, and third wives." –Conan O'Brien

"A man is filing a lawsuit against Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, claiming they have ties to al-Qaida. When al-Qaida heard this, they said, 'Please do not lump us in with those maniacs.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann said her hometown of Waterloo, Iowa, is the birthplace of John Wayne, when it is actually the birthplace of serial killer John Wayne Gacy. She then said her favorite sitcom from the 80s is 'Charles Manson in Charge.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A woman's place is in the revolution (Which I can only assume means in a library?)

Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of "GQ," with the headline "Kim as you've never seen her." Which I can only assume means in a library? –Jimmy Fallon

In November, people in California will vote on whether they want to break the state up into three smaller states. The states would be Northern California, Southern California, and Kardashistan. --Jimmy Fallon

"Mitt Romney just released a new campaign ad about the economy featuring out-of-work Americans. It gets weird at the end when he says, 'I'm Mitt Romney, and I fired all these people.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don’t think he would ever leave her behind (What actually happens)

According to the National Enquirer, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are headed for divorce. I don’t believe it. I don’t think he would ever leave her behind. --Jimmy Fallon

The raid happened after the FBI got a search warrant. Trump was surprised to learn that you need permission before you can just start grabbing stuff. --Jimmy Fallon

At the Academy of Country Music Awards, Willie Nelson announced he was writing his memoirs. He said in his memoirs, he will explain how marijuana has affected his life. Here’s how it affected his life: He started writing his memoir in 1946. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I just open my mouth, and the best words come out (OK, we don't know why you're famous)

“Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney is so closed-minded that he would have fired Christopher Columbus. Romney denied it, saying, ‘Are you kidding me? A man with three boats, that's my kind of guy.’” –Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian spoke out about Kanye West's Twitter rants and said she wants everyone to be as honest as Kanye. Then people were like, “OK, we don't know why you're famous.” –Jimmy Fallon

Tonight President Trump gave his big speech to Congress. I saw that beforehand, Democrats came out with a “prebuttal” to counter some of Trump’s talking points. They say that they know what Trump’s going say before he says it — or as Trump put it, “Must be nice. I just open my mouth, and the best words come out.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if it goes bankrupt one more time, it can officially run for president (those aren’t laborers, those are "future wives")

For the second time, RadioShack has filed for bankruptcy. Experts say if RadioShack goes bankrupt one more time, it can officially run for president. –Conan O’Brien

This weekend, Kim Kardashian posted a naked selfie, and yesterday, Sharon Osbourne got inspired and posted a naked selfie. That explains why today, authorities shut down Barbara Walters' internet service. –Conan O’Brien

Despite Donald Trump’s tough stance on immigration, Trump Modeling Agency is being accused of hiring lower-paid foreign models. In his defense, Trump says those aren’t laborers, those are "future wives." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He encouraged his supporters to take care of voting early before it becomes a problem (Grandma’s under 3o)

December 2022

The Georgia senate runoff set records for early voting. Hershel Walker has always encouraged his supporters to take care of voting early before it becomes a problem. —Colin Jost

There is growing support to move the first Democratic primary from Iowa to South Carolina, but why move it to another boring state? Start the primaries with a bang in Florida. Right? Instead of watching a politician eat a corndog at the Iowa State Fair, imagine Pete Buttigieg smoking meth shirtless at Gatorland as he battles for the state’s key demographic. Grandma’s under 3o. You know, at the end of the day, Florida may not give us FDR or JFK, but it will definitely give us HPV. —Colin Jost

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have reached a settlement in their divorce, and I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that she had an easier time finding a good lawyer. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”