Is that some mobster from Queens who took you under his wing? (I bet the inside of your brain looks like Pee-wee’s Playhouse)

“President Trump gave a speech at a Georgia high school on Wednesday where he likened the state’s Democratic senator, Jon Ossoff, to “Pinky Herman”. Who the [expletive] is Pinky Herman? Is that some mobster from Queens who took you under his wing?” — Seth Meyers

“Sorry, do you mean Pee-wee Herman? Because he doesn’t look anything like Pee-wee Herman. If anything, I bet the inside of your brain looks like Pee-wee’s Playhouse.” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I know you are, but what am I? (He misspeaks in ways nobody ever thought possible)

President Trump gave a speech at a Georgia high school on Wednesday where he likened the state’s Democratic senator, Jon Ossoff, to “Pinky Herman,” an apparent reference to the iconic man-child character “Pee-wee Herman” created by the comic-actor Paul Reubens. In response, Jon Ossoff was like, [imitating Pee-wee Herman] ‘I know you are, but what am I?’. —Jimmy Fallon

“‘Pinky Herman’ sounds like the guy who ripped him off on the reflecting pool.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Trump said, [imitating Trump] ‘He’s one of the greats, but my all-time favorites are Mikey Mouse, and Sponge Boob was great.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“You got to give Trump credit: He misspeaks in ways nobody ever thought possible.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It might even be her second worst decision (DNA kits)

“In Georgia, Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock are headed to a runoff election in December, which could decide control of the Senate. Runoff is also what Herschel does when one of his kids shows up with a DNA kit.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Turning to Pennsylvania, where John Fetterman defeated Dr. Oz, a celebrity tapped by Donald Trump. The former president is reportedly livid about Oz’s loss, screaming when the numbers came in, according to the New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman. They say the last time Trump was this disappointed was when Eric was born. Haberman reported that Trump was also furious with anyone who supported Oz, including his wife Melania, calling it ‘not her best decision’. It might even be her second worst decision. Trump is so angry at Melania, they’re no longer sleeping in separate beds.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We’re living in dog years now (the Distract-o-matic is cranked all the way up)

Another batch of the Epstein Files have been released and there are mentions of known Epstein associates such as Trump and Bill Gates. It would seem that some other famous people, including Elon Musk and Howard Lutnick, the commerce secretary, may not have been telling the whole truth about their interactions with Jeffrey Epstein. 

It is clear that Prince Andrew is royally fucked, which is a term you hear a lot but rarely when it is literally true. And most of all, it is so bananas that the guy who is in charge of releasing all these files and redacting all this evidence is Donald Trump’s own personal defense attorney, Todd Blanche. And then there’s all this other stuff going on – busting into the election headquarters in Georgia, arresting journalists like Don Lemon. 

Suddenly shutting down the Kennedy Center for two years, calling for nationalized elections, Trump suing the government he runs for $10 billion. My head is spinning, but I guess that’s the point. Remember when Trump was threatening to invade Greenland? That was not even two weeks ago! We’re living in dog years now. And it’s only going to get nuttier. Now that the new batch of Epstein files is out, the Distract-o-matic is cranked all the way up. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

DNA kits (Really?)

Donald Trump is out in front of the pack again. According to a new Reuters poll he's in first place among likely Republican voters with 42 percent. Ben Carson is in second with just under 25 percent. Only 4 percent now say they would support Jeb Bush. That number dropped to 2 percent when the pollster asked, "Really?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They're out there." –Jimmy Kimmel

“In Georgia, Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock are headed to a runoff election in December, which could decide control of the Senate. Runoff is also what Herschel does when one of his kids shows up with a DNA kit.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which one is the good McDonald’s? (Democrats promised him a cake, but then they gave it to Hillary)

Even though she told people she won, Stacey Abrams claims she was never confused about losing the governor’s race in Georgia. You know what else she's never confused about? Which one is the good McDonald’s? —Greg Gutfeld 

Yesterday was Bernie Sanders 84th birthday. Yeah. Democrats promised him a cake, but then they gave it to Hillary. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My money might be offshore, but my heart's right here in America (spirit animals)

"This week the president unveiled his new campaign slogan, 'Forward.' And Mitt Romney unveiled his slogan, 'My money might be offshore, but my heart's right here in America.'" –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich is going to announce next week that he is dropping out of the presidential race. If you wonder why he's waiting, it's because it takes him that long to gather a crowd." –Jay Leno

"And a Georgia man is recovering in Pittsburgh after becoming the first U.S. recipient of a double hand transplant. Got two hands transplanted from another guy. He used them for the first time today to grab his heart when he saw the bill." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Indianapolis Colts Mock Draft (2025)

                            R1 P14 Armand Membou  OT Missouri

                            

                            R2 P45 Mason Taylor TE LSU

                            R3 P80 Jared Wilson C Georgia

                            R4 P117 Joshua Farmer   DT   Florida State

                            R5 P151 Jordan Phillips DT Maryland

                            R6 P189 Craig Woodson S California

                            R7 P232 Kobe King         LB         Penn State

 

CollegeFootball25: Indiana vs Georgia (National Championship)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's like "Celebrity Apprentice,” but with even worse celebrities (and because I don't live in Toronto)

Donald Trump was in Macon, Georgia, this week. Again, he suggested that CNN should pay to get him to come to the next debate. He's treating the Republican primary like it's an entertainment show and he is the star — which, let's be honest, he is kind of exactly. It's like "Celebrity Apprentice,” but with even worse celebrities. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford reiterated that he should be re-elected mayor of Toronto because he saves taxpayers money. I think he should be re-elected because he's hilarious and because I don't live in Toronto." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

CollegeFootball25: Indiana vs Georgia (National Championship)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel (It was pretty cool, don't you think honey?)

"They said bin Laden's wife tried to shield bin Laden with her body. And today Moammar Gadhafi said to his wife, 'Hey honey, did you see what bin Laden's wife Susan did? It was pretty cool, don't you think honey?'" –Jay Leno

"And a Georgia man is recovering in Pittsburgh after becoming the first U.S. recipient of a double hand transplant. Got two hands transplanted from another guy. He used them for the first time today to grab his heart when he saw the bill." --Jay Leno

"Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he'll fit right in." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Indianapolis Colts Mock Draft (4/24/2024)

                        15     Laiatu Latu                                    Edge     UCLA

 

                                    46    Ladd McConkey                            WR    Georgia

                                  82     Jaden Hicks                    S    Washington State

                                  117     Audric Estime                      RB    Notre Dame

                

                                   151     Beaux Limmer                           C    Arkansas

                                   191    Tarheeb Still                            CB    Maryland

                                    234     J.D. Bertrand                 LB     Notre Dame

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

With all that said, this is the most complicated plot a porn star has ever been involved in (He didn’t want to go to either one)

Donald Trump and his supporters are particularly incensed that because of criminal trial requirements, he may have to miss his son Barron’s high school graduation. Donald Trump is about as bummed out about potentially missing this high school graduation as he was about missing Vietnam. He didn’t want to go to either one. —Jimmy Kimmel

Let’s be clear about which trial this is. Is it the classified documents trial? No. The January 6 trial? No. The Georgia Rico trial? No. The sexual assault defamation trial? No. The real estate trial? No! It’s the porn money hush love sex music trial. This dude treats criminal charges like Pokémon – he’s trying to catch them all. Now, to be clear, Trump is not on trial for sleeping with a porn star, or paying her hush money. He’s on trial because he allegedly falsified business documents to cover up the hush money, which could be construed as an unreported campaign expense. With all that said, this is the most complicated plot a porn star has ever been involved in. — Dulcé Sloan, The Daily Show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Grab him by the mushroom, Stormy! (I’d like to submit into evidence this baby Bella mushroom)

In less than 24 hours, Donald Trump had not one but three judges rule against him in three different cases. In Georgia, a judge rejected Trump’s claim that calling election officials to overturn the results was protected by free speech. In Florida, a judge Trump appointed denied his argument that he was authorized to take classified documents to Mar-a-Lago as president. And in New York, a judge rejected his attempt to delay the Stormy Daniels hush-money case. The judge ruled hush money paid to an adult film star is not related to a president’s official acts. I’m pretty sure, and I’m not a historian, that that’s the first time a judge has had to say that. I feel like we all want to see him taken down by the porn star one, right? Grab him by the mushroom, Stormy! —Jimmy Kimmel

Former President Donald Trump has suffered setbacks in court the last few days, including a ruling against him on Thursday in his classified documents case. I’m changing up the “April showers” adage: Because from now on, it’s April trials bring me smiles. —Stephen Colbert

Starting April 15, we get to see Donald Trump having to see Stormy Daniels testify about having to see Donald Trump naked. [imitating lawyer] Your honor, for reasons that will be all too apparent during her testimony, I’d like to submit into evidence this baby Bella mushroom. — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turns out you have to do it before the election (Unlimited refills)

On Tuesday Robert Hur, the White House special counsel tasked with investigating Joe Biden’s handling of classified documents, found no evidence to charge the president with a crime. He did, however, attack Biden’s mental fitness in his report, calling him a “sympathetic, well-meaning elderly man with a poor memory”. That kind of assessment is sort of outside the normal job description of a special counsel. It’d be like your doctor saying, ‘Well, we ran some tests, Mr Johnson, and your cholesterol looks very good, but I am worried how ugly you are. I’m going to write you a prescription for bag over your head. Unlimited refills.’ —Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump and Joe Biden both traveled to Georgia this week to canvas for votes in the state’s primary. Of course, the last time Trump asked for votes in Georgia, he was indicted for it. Turns out you have to do it before the election. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The judge rejected the argument, after he stopped laughing (I'm gonna make it weird)

Donald Trump, who has about a month to raise half a billion dollars to pay his fraud judgments. But the more immediate financial threat to Trump is the $83.3 million he owes for his defamation of E Jean Carroll – Trump must post 110% of the verdict, or $91 million, in a cash bond by 9 March. You know the old saying: March comes in like a lion and goes out like a bankrupt sexual predator. —Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump’s legal team has tried numerous arguments to get out of the payments, the “craziest” one being that he shouldn’t have to post a bond at all because he’s “too rich”. You can’t argue with that logic – ‘oh also, your honor, I shouldn’t have to go to jail because I’m too guilty’. The judge rejected the argument, after he stopped laughing. —Stephen Colbert

The controversial Alabama ruling that IVF embryos constitute a “person”, thus freezing fertility treatments in the state surprised a lot of people. The Alabama court ruling follows 14 other “fetal personhood” bills introduced in state legislatures in 2023, which have already taken effect in Georgia and Missouri. On the bright side, if you’re a pregnant woman driving in Missouri, you can now use the carpool lane … to drive out of Missouri. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”