Um, hello! That's like 99 percent of my day! (nobody’s calling HIM a genius)

A video was just posted of a giant python in the New York City subway wrapped around a handrail. Passengers were like, “Eww! He’s TOUCHING the handrail!” –Jimmy Fallon

And a lot of people are getting really excited about the upcoming visit by Pope Francis. This Pope is very popular, but I saw that in a recent interview, he said that he’s felt “used” by certain people who only pay attention to him when they need something. Then God was like, “Um, hello! That's like 99 percent of my day!” –Jimmy Fallon

Hillary Clinton is out promoting her new book, and in an interview this week, she said that if she’d won the election, she would’ve been seen as a “genius.” I don’t know about that, cuz Trump DID win the election, and . . . nobody’s calling HIM a genius. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For a while, I was their prime suspect (a full bar)

A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect. –Conan O’Brien

“Meanwhile, one senator claims that during the impeachment trial they’re only allowed to drink water and milk on the Senate floor. Yeah, or as Mitt Romney calls that, a full bar.” —Conan O’Brien

It is reported that rapper Snoop Dogg is filing for divorce. Apparently the divorce settlement is fair. Snoop’s wife gets the car and the house and Snoop gets custody of everything that ends in “izl.” --Conan O’Brien 5/25/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For a while, I was their prime suspect (We've got to come up with a better story)

"President Bush had an awkward moment today. Did you hear about this? While President Bush was greeting crowds in Germany today, he grabbed a baby from its mother and the baby burst into tears. President Bush says he doesn't care how much the baby cries, he's keeping the blankey." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush's Iraq trip was so top secret that before he left, he lied to his Cabinet members -- told them he was going to bed early so he could read. When the Secret Service heard this, they said, 'We've got to come up with a better story.'" --Conan O'Brien

A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sloppy bottoms at Bohemian Grove (and . . . nobody’s calling HIM a genius)

Hillary Clinton is out promoting her new book, and in an interview this week, she said that if she’d won the election, she would’ve been seen as a “genius.” I don’t know about that, cuz Trump DID win the election, and . . . nobody’s calling HIM a genius. –Jimmy Fallon

A video was just posted of a giant python in the New York City subway wrapped around a handrail. Passengers were like, “Eww! He’s TOUCHING the handrail!” –Jimmy Fallon

Kanye West said that Kim Kardashian is actually enrolled in law school. When he found out, President Trump said, "I want to change my Supreme Court nominee. Can we do that now? Is it too late?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For a while, I was their prime suspect (Gluten-Free Biscotti Monster)

A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect. –Conan O’Brien

A Chinese investment firm has bought the company behind the Batman movies. Which explains why in the next Batman movie, a young Bruce Wayne sees his parents killed, then goes back to making iPhones at the factory. –Conan O’Brien

The set of "Sesame Street" just got a major upgrade, and now Elmo lives in a brownstone apartment. And in another upscale move, Cookie Monster has been replaced by the Gluten-Free Biscotti Monster. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”