What stage of capitalism is this? (Fairly simple thing that happens to work)

I'd like to talk about a few things that bring us together. Okay, things that emphasize our similarities instead of our differences, which is all you ever hear about in this country are differences. Politicians and the media are always pushing the things that separate us, things that make us different. That's the way the ruling class operates in any society. They divide the rest of the people, they keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that the rich can run off with all the fucking money. Fairly simple thing that happens to work. --George Carlin

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they? (the margin of error was five)

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess those brain surgeons weren't exactly rocket scientists (They just take it out of her next paycheck)

I guess at Disney World, if Cinderella loses her glass slipper, a prince doesn’t bring it to her. They just take it out of her next paycheck. –James Corden

Donald Trump had his high school grades sealed. So including the hush money payment to a porn star, this makes two attempts by Trump to hide his secret Fs. --James Corden

Some hospital workers in Kenya have been suspended after doctors performed brain surgery on the wrong patient. I guess those brain surgeons weren't exactly rocket scientists. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion (this guy was the victim of a sting operation)

And finally, the news from my homeland. A burglar in London recently attempted to sneak into a building through the backyard area and ended up disturbing the owner's beehive and the burglar was then chased away by a swarm of 80,000 angry bees. It sounds like this guy was the victim of a sting operation. --James Corden

Apparently, LeBron's talk show is going to be him and four random guests you may or may not have heard of. You know, like when he plays basketball. --James Corden

Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

One slip of the knife and your elite eight becomes a final four (A-plus)

A vasectomy is not something you want to get at the busiest time of the year. It's not an iPhone. It's an unnecessary surgery on the most delicate part of your body. You know if they screw it up, there's no amount of basketball games that's going to make it OK. One slip of the knife and your elite eight becomes a final four. –James Corden

This morning, President Trump made a special phone call to his favorite television program, "Fox & Friends." Trump and the hosts talked about lots of things, and at one point, he was asked to grade his presidency. Take a look at what he said. [Trump clip] “I would give myself an A-plus.” An A-plus! From where — Trump University? --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, how much effort does it take to just leave the back door open and say... (the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party)

Donald Trump says he's too busy to give a birthday present to his wife. I mean, how much effort does it take to just leave the back door open and say, "You're free, Melania. I let you go.” --James Corden

High-heel Crocs — for the woman who wants to let everyone know that she's the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana (Well check your bank account. Is there $130,000 in there?)

“The first licences for recreational marijuana have also finally been produced in New York. New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana.” —Stephen Colbert

Apparently Trump insulted Christie at a dinner party, making Christie wonder if Trump took him to be “one of his chicks.” Well check your bank account. Is there $130,000 in there? --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even sadder, he already had a son named Trevor (Did he practice on himself?)

An Australian man is making headlines after he started treating an abandoned shopping cart as his son, naming it Trevor and giving it a pair of sneakers. Even sadder, he already had a son named Trevor. –Seth Meyers

Housing secretary Ben Carson was mocked on social media yesterday for mistaking the phrase REO, meaning "real estate owned," for the cookie Oreo. I mean, how did that guy become a brain surgeon? Did he practice on himself? --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Other than that, I had a great weekend in Miami (home wreckers)

A man was arrested for exposing himself outside a Florida Taco Bell. Other than that, I had a great weekend in Miami. —Greg Gutfeld 

Hillary Clinton re recently complained about all the White House construction for the upcoming UFC event. I guess she's really sensitive about home wreckers. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My Trump hush money ran out (the paradise of the rich)

A former Playboy bunny just became the oldest lingerie model at 83 years old. When asked why she went back to work, she said, "My Trump hush money ran out." --Jimmy Fallon

A restaurant in Lithuania is stirring up controversy by displaying a mural on its wall that shows Donald Trump kissing Vladimir Putin. Trump said he's not mad that it shows him kissing a man, he's mad that it shows him kissing someone over 40. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The greed of the 1% (It was so strong the country split open and candy spilled out)

So, police say a woman posed as a New York City high school student when she was actually 28 years old. Authorities almost missed it as most New York City high school students are 28 years old. But evidently teachers became suspicious when they didn't find her sexually attractive. —Greg Gutfeld

A powerful 5.7 magnitude earthquake struck Mexico. It was so strong the country split open and candy spilled out. —Greg Gutfeld

Actor Mark Hamill appeared in a Star Wars themed promo for Obama's presidential library. Makes sense. Neither Luke nor Barack knew their fathers. —Greg Gutfeld

Scientists have uncovered a 2,000-year-old computer. It was found with the skeleton of a man slapping it closed when a skeleton of his wife walked in. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he's already put up the mission accomplished banner (It's like being married to a Kardashian)

"Former President Bush is writing his memoir. Writing his autobiography about his eight years in the White House. He's not done with it yet, but he's already put up the mission accomplished banner." –David Letterman

"It's been two years since the SEAL team busted in and got Osama bin Laden. On the night of the raid, the guy never knew what hit him. It's like being married to a Kardashian." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So now they're having a benefit concert for people who had to see that (Dear Santa)

"Computer technicians in Washington say they have found 22

million missing emails from President George W. Bush's

Administration. And you can tell the emails are from the Bush

Administration because they all begin, 'Dear Santa.'"

–Conan O'Brien

"Anyone see that Hurricane Sandy concert? Kanye West

performed while wearing a leather skirt. So now they're having

a benefit concert for people who had to see that."

–Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And then — this is concerning — he said the same thing about Vermont (every person who was happy to hear that missed their flight)

President Trump said in a new interview that he is an "absolute 'no' on possible statehood for Puerto Rico." And then — this is concerning — he said the same thing about Vermont. --Seth Meyers

Los Angeles International Airport has updated its policy to allow travelers to pack marijuana when flying. And every person who was happy to hear that missed their flight. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The app is called Why? (It was a great night for O.J.!)

A new app lets people take selfies with virtual versions of "The Today Show" anchors. The app is called Why? –Conan O’Brien

One of the big winners at last night's Emmys was "The People v. O.J. Simpson." I gotta say, there’s nothing better than checking out the news and hearing, "It was a great night for O.J.!" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s oakey with notes of...blasted pizza (290 million to 1)

The truth is that the odds of you winning the lottery are 290 million to 1. That means you are about as likely to win the Powerball as you are to ever hear the words “President Jeb Bush.” –James Corden

A woman was recently banned from a Texas Wal-Mart after driving an electric shopping cart around the parking lot for several hours while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Also, I should add, it was 9 o’clock in the morning. If you ever want to know what my goals for retirement are, that’s pretty much it. I will say, if you have a better idea of how to get those crumbs out of the bottom of the can, I’d like to hear it. It makes sense. I can’t believe I’ve never thought of drinking wine out of a pringles can before. “Oh, this Pinot Grigio is robust. It’s oakey with notes of...blasted pizza.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel (It was pretty cool, don't you think honey?)

"They said bin Laden's wife tried to shield bin Laden with her body. And today Moammar Gadhafi said to his wife, 'Hey honey, did you see what bin Laden's wife Susan did? It was pretty cool, don't you think honey?'" –Jay Leno

"And a Georgia man is recovering in Pittsburgh after becoming the first U.S. recipient of a double hand transplant. Got two hands transplanted from another guy. He used them for the first time today to grab his heart when he saw the bill." --Jay Leno

"Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he'll fit right in." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Weed is definitely legal in Colorado.. (What channel is CDC?)

According to a new study by the CDC, women are more likely than men to experiment with same-sex partners. Said men, “What channel is CDC?” –Seth Meyers

A group in Colorado has set a new world record for largest sticker ball after combining enough decals to create a nearly 9 foot wide 232 pound ball which proves one thing: Weed is definitely legal in Colorado. .” –Seth Meyers

U.S. immigration agents targeted hundreds of 7-Eleven stores today to investigate the legal status of store employees. Hey, if you're going to investigate something at 7-Eleven, how about the hot dogs? How long have THEY been in the country? --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So tell me more about this Robert Kennedy fella (Is he wearing ice skates in the parking lot?)

I saw that President Biden's approval rating among his fellow Democrats just dropped 11 points to a record low of 75%. Yikes. Even Jill is like, “So tell me more about this Robert Kennedy fella.” —Jimmy Fallon

I saw that President Biden's approval rating among his fellow Democrats just dropped 11 points to a record low of 75%. If Biden becomes any less popular, Republicans might elect him speaker of the House. —Jimmy Fallon

That's correct. Yeah, Biden's down to 75% approval among Democrats. On the bright side, he gets to tell people that he's in his mid 70s again. —Jimmy Fallon

When Biden asked how he could boost his numbers, his staff said, "Try walking from the car to the plane without making people think, "Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh God!” It's like, "Is he walking -- Is he walking on skates? Is he wearing ice skates in the parking lot?” —Jimmy Fallon

Hey, did you guys see this? The magician David Copperfield just announced plans to make the Moon disappear. Yeah, it's an amazing trick he calls daytime. Yep. David Copperfield will make the Moon disappear. Yeah. Then for his next trick, he threatened to pull a rabbit out of Uranus. —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because if there's one guy whose trial famously ended well, it's Jesus (This will make you sleepier than 20 Cosby’s)

Also, while he was in Israel, President Biden said the Hamas attack was like "Fifteen 9/11s.” Okay, you can't go somewhere to calm people down and then start rating things in numbers of 9/11s. That is not a calm scale. It would be like if your doctor gave you Ambien and said, "This will make you sleepier than 20 Cosby’s." —Colin Jost

After a judge issued a gag order against President Trump, Trump told reporters that the judge said, "Basically, I don't have the right to speak.” Then he added, "She's, like, literally killing me.” Then he yelled, "You're not even my real mom,” and slammed his bedroom door. —Colin Jost

And yesterday, on Truth Social, Trump posted a courtroom sketch of him sitting next to Jesus. Because if there's one guy whose trial famously ended well, it's Jesus. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”