Look to them as examples of intelligence and leadership (So you see, people – sometimes democracy DOES work!)

Apple has changed back their design of the peach emoji to look more like a butt after people were upset the new design no longer looked like a butt. So you see, people – sometimes democracy DOES work! –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said, 'We don't give painkillers to our players. We give them to our fans.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Scientists say the European space probe that landed on the comet has detected organic matter. This means there could be either life in space or a Whole Foods. We just don't know." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It's like he never left (This Country Is Out Of Order)

"The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They're out there." –Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump, on his first day back in the United States after a 12-day trip through Asia, started the morning with a flurry of tweets. Trump took to Twitter today to brag about the stock market, attack The New York Times, promote "Fox and Friends," promote Sean Hannity, criticize three UCLA basketball players, send his condolences after another multi-victim shooting to the wrong city in the wrong state. And that's it, I think. It's like he never left. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what this year needs? More Twitter. (Kim Kardashian's buttocks)

I had the weirdest, weirdest dream last night. Remember that guy who used to host “The Apprentice”? I dreamed we elected him president. –Jimmy Kimmel

"The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They're out there." –Jimmy Kimmel

Today, Twitter doubled the amount of characters you can use from 140 to 280 characters. I think this means Twitter is now Facebook, right? They're basically the same thing — or is it possible there is anyone on the planet who thought, "You know what this year needs? More Twitter." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wasn't that the plot of Footloose? (No that's socialism!)

March 2013

"All tours of the White House have been canceled due to budget concerns. Don't worry, there's another way get into the White House if you don't belong. Fake your birth certificate." –Craig Ferguson

"Tonight there's a comet. A comet making the closest approach ever to earth. Now is it really a comet? Or is it one of President Obama's drones?" –Craig Ferguson

"New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has a new crusade. He wants people to stop listening to loud music in their headphones. Wasn't that the plot of 'Footloose'?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Mayor Bloomberg must throw the worst parties ever. How long before he just starts showing up on street corners and whacking the hot dogs out of people's hands?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Mark Zuckerberg unveiled a new Facebook news feed today. It promises to revolutionize the way we see pictures of our friends' feet on vacation." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”