Order what you want. I'll just have a bite of yours (He's obviously never met Greg Gutfeld)

Jenna Bush Hager said she cried when she learned that her dad was engaged to another woman 10 years before he married her mom. I don't even want to hear it, said Chelsea Clinton. —Kat Timpf 

And finally, Florida's AG declared AI is the greatest public nuisance ever created. He's obviously never met Greg Gutfeld. —Kat Timpf 

Tennessee's first female death row inmate in the last 200 years has refused her last meal. She told the executioner, "Order what you want. I'll just have a bite of yours.” —Tom Shillue 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Isn't that the fun of it? (last meal)

Former President Bill Clinton said the CIA abandoned a plan to kill Bin Laden before 9/11 over fears that innocent civilians could die. Hillary disagreed, saying, "Isn't that the fun of it?” —Greg Gutfeld 

For his last meal, Georgia death row inmate Stacy Humphrey requested brisket, ribs, a bacon cheeseburger, chicken wings, pizza, French fries, two kinds of ice cream, and two large sodas. After hearing the news, Chris Christie just slaughtered a family, turned himself in. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not a great start to Black History Month (pre-existing conditions)

A judge has rule that Luigi Mangione will not face the death penalty. Unless he has a pre-existing condition. —Michael Che

Cooper Flagg of the Dallas Mavericks has set a new NBA record for scoring the most points by a teenager in a game. Not a great start to Black History Month. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey we're playing MS-13 tonight! (Nancy Pelosi is seeking the death penalty)

President Trump signed an order today to dismantle the Department of Education. One angry ex employee claims it was the worst thing to happen since the Nazis won the Civil War. —Greg Gutfeld

You can definitely tell spring is here. In Central Park this afternoon I saw a rat catching a Frisbee. On my way into work this morning I saw my Uber driver applying sunblock to his middle finger and earlier today in Times Square I saw a Venezuelan gang member carrying a softball mitt. Yeah, hey we're playing MS-13 tonight! —Greg Gutfeld 

Hilaria Baldwin defended lashing out at her husband Alec during an awkward red carpet interview. She claimed he was man-terrupting which sure beats manslaughtering. —Greg Gutfeld

US border officials in Indiana have confiscated nearly $10,000 worth of fake Botox products. Nancy Pelosi is seeking the death penalty. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now, calm down. How about we just VOTE on it? (he hardly has the energy to execute anybody)

"Yesterday John Boehner led a group of 20 Republicans to see President Obama. Unfortunately when they got to the White House, the president was still black." –Bill Maher

I'm sorry to leave you for two months but I need a break. It has been very stressful. This is the time of year when I make the transition from medical marijuana to recreational marijuana. --Bill Maher

"Rick Perry has dropped 20 points in the polls in one week. They say he is so depressed about this, he hardly has the energy to execute anybody." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What about a second revolution? (He's coming home and he's not in a good mood)

"Actually, Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race yesterday - which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He's coming home and he's not in a good mood." –Jay Leno

"In his speech tonight, President Obama urged Congress to raise the minimum wage. Now don’t confuse that with congressional minimum wage. See, that’s doing the minimum for your wage. That’s completely different." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently the difference is California's version has avocado on it (He now faces up to 5, 12, 14, 20, or 25 years in prison)

"A federal judge ruled yesterday that California's version of the death penalty is unconstitutional. Apparently the difference is California's version has avocado on it." –Seth Meyers

A former Iowa lottery official was found guilty yesterday of rigging a computerized "Hot Lotto" game so he could win a $14 million jackpot. He now faces up to 5, 12, 14, 20, or 25 years in prison. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's not a tax, that's barely a tip (But that's still one less ring than Newt Gingrich)

"Mitt Romney is coming under fire because even though he is a multimillionaire, he only paid 15 percent in taxes. That's not a tax, that's barely a tip." –Jay Leno

"Actually, Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race yesterday - which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He's coming home and he's not in a good mood." –Jay Leno

“Congratulations once again to the world champion New York Giants. They played a great game. Eli Manning now has two rings. Two! But that's still one less ring than Newt Gingrich.” –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

by the looks of him, he already got the electric chair (Finally, some good news for people who wake up still drunk)

“On the first day of Donald Trump’s civil fraud trial in New York, the New York Post reported that a large takeout order of McDonald’s was delivered to the courthouse. Wow, I knew he was in trouble, but I didn’t know they were seeking the death penalty.” —Seth Meyers

“As for Trump’s lawyers’ claim that Mar-a-Lago would sell for at least $1 Billion – I’m sure he could get that just for the classified documents in the shower.” —Seth Meyers

“In other legal news, jury selection began this week in the trial of disgraced crypto-entrepreneur Sam Bankman-Fried which is surprising, because by the looks of him, he already got the electric chair.” —Seth Meyers

“And the fast food chain Taco Bell announced that it planned to add breakfast tacos to their menu for the first time. Finally, some good news for people who wake up still drunk.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

To give you an idea of how strict it is, you get 20 years just for saying the phrase 'penal code.' (every major country except the United States)

"In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court ruled President Obama's healthcare mandate is constitutional. This is a major victory for President Obama, who spent three years promoting it, and a major setback for Mitt Romney, who spent three years creating it." –Jay Leno

"Iran's parliament has voted in favor of a bill that would give the death penalty to people convicted of making pornography. Under Iran's penal code, that's one of the worst criminal offenses they have. To give you an idea of how strict it is, you get 20 years just for saying the phrase 'penal code.'" --Jay Leno

"Another way the Oscars will be different this year normally, when a speech goes a little over the orchestra plays them off. This year they're going to have Dick Cheney take them out." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

today she is denying that she used human growth hormone (I don't want to play with you anymore)

 

"How about this? Hillary Clinton won the New Hampshire primary last night, huh? It was a surprising victory and today she is denying that she used human growth hormone." –David Letterman

"Rod Blagojevich is going away for 14 Years in prison. His barber got the death penalty." –David Letterman

 

"Condoleezza Rice was in Rome and she visited the Vatican and all the priests were very happy to see her. And everybody kept asking her 'What's it like to be celibate?'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Everything they wanted is not enough (Turns out many of them were guilty)

 

"The Tea Party is not happy with the deal. Everything they wanted is not enough." –David Letterman

"As governor of Texas, Rick Perry executed 236 people. Turns out many of them were guilty." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney is going to be in London for the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, and he plans to take his tax returns and drop them into the torch." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

She's expected to receive 12 months of probation and a spinoff (California's version has avocado on it)

"A federal judge ruled yesterday that California's version of the death penalty is unconstitutional. Apparently the difference is California's version has avocado on it." –Seth Meyers

Today is National Hammock Day. And just like a hammock, I can't get into it. —Seth Meyers

The 17-year-old daughter of one of the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" was arrested today for DUI and driving on a suspended license. She's expected to receive 12 months of probation and a spinoff. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say he is so depressed about this, he hardly has the energy to execute anybody (Hillary, Chelsea and Sinbad)

"Rick Perry has dropped 20 points in the polls in one week. They

say he is so depressed about this, he hardly has the energy to

execute anybody." –Bill Maher

 

"There is a little discrepancy about what happened on this hunt, because Ann Armstrong, the woman who has this ranch, said there was no alcohol involved, and Dick Cheney said he had one beer. So apparently, Dick Cheney can't keep his rifle, his story, or his daughter straight." --Bill Maher

"In Iraq the fighting, apparently, is so fierce and the bullets are flying so fast and furious, they might have to pull the Marines out and send in Hillary, Chelsea and Sinbad." --Bill Maher

 

"I watched this speech. It is so infuriating the way Bush has a way of getting religion on issues that he has been resisting forever, and then he acts like he thought of it and we're the a-------. This government must stop spending money we don't have! He actually had the nerve to say, 'For the sake of the environment, we got to use less oil. Some dips--- has been dragging his feet on global warming around here. When I find out who's in that guy's body, I'm going to f--- him up.'" --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So if you'll excuse me I've got some white women to whistle at (Wow! Shout Out to Fixodent)

“Virginia has become the first state in the South to abolish the death penalty so if you'll excuse me I've got some white women to whistle at.” —Michael Che

President Biden gave his first press conference that lasted over an hour. Wow! Shout Out to Fixodent. —Michael Che

“Yankees Legend Whitey Ford died this week at the age of 91. Ford reminds us of a simpler time when you could just name your kid Whitey.” —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's like a reggae festival and Willie Nelson's birthday combined (Ukraine in a nutshell)

"We had an election in Los Angeles yesterday. Three measures involved medical marijuana. The one that passed was a proposition that limits the number of marijuana dispensaries in the city. The rule now is there cannot be more marijuana stores than cupcake shops – because they feed on each other." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A new study estimates that Colorado residents will legally smoke more than 2 million ounces of marijuana next year. That's like a reggae festival and Willie Nelson's birthday combined." –Jimmy Kimmel

 

"On Monday, the lieutenant governor will take over. His name is David Patterson. He's African-American and legally blind. He'll be the first blind governor in the United States. He's already announced that his top legislative priority will be the death penalty for people who don't clean up after their dogs." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's coming home and he's not in a good mood (American Exceptionalism)

"Scientists announced that they have detected a brand new subatomic particle. This particle is so tiny, it's actually smaller than the income tax rate paid by Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno

"Actually, Rick Perry pulled out of the presidential race yesterday - which is bad news for the guys on death row in Texas. He's coming home and he's not in a good mood." –Jay Leno

"The Shady Lady brothel in Nevada has a 25-year-old man named Marcus, and he's become the first legal male prostitute in American history. Well, the first one not elected to the United States Senate, of course." –Jay Leno

"Well, folks, it looks like California's about to legalize marijuana. Yeah, yeah. You thought Governor Schwarzenegger was hard to understand before." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If we can't leave New Jersey, neither can you (in the German town of Nutbuster)

 

"This week, New Jersey voted to temporarily suspend the death penalty. Lawmakers say it sends a strong message to death row inmates: If we can't leave New Jersey, neither can you." --Conan O'Brien

"New Jersey's having a contest for a new state motto. One of the finalists is 'New Jersey: Come see for yourself.' Apparently it narrowly beat out 'New Jersey: Come smell for yourself'." --Conan O'Brien

 

"This is a weird story. In Japan -- you've got to follow me on this -- a town named Obama is trying to attract Barack Obama supporters to visit as tourists. That's right. Meanwhile, tourism officials are trying to attract Hillary Clinton supporters in the German town of Nutbuster." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was just the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century (if there's one thing Americans hate...)

"Rick Perry, what a good-looking guy he is. As a requirement for being a Republican candidate for president, you have to look good in a mug shot. I hope this doesn't ruin his chances of being our next dumb president from Texas." –David Letterman

"But have you seen these town hall meetings about the health care? People are screaming. And I'll tell you, because if there's one thing Americans hate, it's comprehensive health coverage." --David Letterman

"Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century." –David Letterman

"As governor of Texas, Rick Perry executed 236 people. Turns out many of them were guilty." –David Letterman

September 2011

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She's expected to receive 12 months of probation and a spinoff (the other one-third are still laughing at the word 'poll.')

Sharknado 3 premiered last night and SyFy has already confirmed that there will be a Sharknado Four. It’s like a bad joke that’s gone too far. And you can tell, because Sharknado is now the Republican frontrunner. –Seth Meyers

The 17-year-old daughter of one of the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" was arrested today for DUI and driving on a suspended license. She's expected to receive 12 months of probation and a spinoff. —Seth Meyers

"According to a new poll, two-thirds of people in Colorado think it should be illegal to smoke marijuana in public, while the other one-third are still laughing at the word 'poll.'" –Seth Meyers

"A federal judge ruled yesterday that California's version of the death penalty is unconstitutional. Apparently the difference is California's version has avocado on it." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”