but you can only get it on your birthday (So my soulmate is out there)

Researchers at Stanford have successfully used AI to create new viruses. But wait, that's my job, said Dr. Fauci. —Greg Gutfeld 

While selling a product to viewers, instead of saying the name blowout, the QVC host accidentally said blow***. Yeah. Men could still order it, but you can only get it on your birthday. –Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What to do for his 17th birthday? (More great work from the University of Bob Seger)

In England a woman was arrested for throwing a birthday party for her 16-year-old son that included marijuana, alcohol and strippers. Now she's got even bigger problems. What to do for his 17th birthday? —Norm Macdonald

A new study found that men with beards are more attractive than men without beards. More great work from the University of Bob Seger. —Norm Macdonald

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not my job (Out of habit, he demanded to see his own birth certificate)

So over the weekend, President Trump turned 80 years old. Out of habit, he demanded to see his own birth certificate. —Greg Gutfeld

 

President Trump also announced that he took out the head of the Trenda Ragua cartel. And no one is more upset than Kamala Harris, who now has to look for a new running mate. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, how much effort does it take to just leave the back door open and say... (the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party)

Donald Trump says he's too busy to give a birthday present to his wife. I mean, how much effort does it take to just leave the back door open and say, "You're free, Melania. I let you go.” --James Corden

High-heel Crocs — for the woman who wants to let everyone know that she's the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I was gone for two years and nobody even noticed (they only come here if they’re already high)

April 2022

“Today, it was announced that Vice President Kamala Harris has tested positive for Covid-19. Yeah, President Biden told her to take her time recovering. He was like, ‘When I was V.P., I was gone for two years and nobody even noticed.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“It’s Melania Trump’s 52nd birthday. Birthdays are tough for Melania – she’s made the same wish for the past 20 years, and it never comes true. The tears keep extinguishing the candles before she can blow them out. I don’t know what kind of gift Trump gave her, but he did send her a beautiful email today that started ‘dear supporter.’ Birthdays are depressing for a lot of people. Can you imagine being Melania? Every year they sing happy birthday, then she spends the next 10 minutes watching the gibbon she married wolf down a whole cake.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“And officials in New York are reportedly considering a proposal to allow pizzerias and other restaurants to sell cannabis-infused foods. ‘Oh, they only come here if they’re already high’ – said Papa John’s.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”