Nigeria provided a letter from a prince (but we can rule out I didn't see him)

At a concert, Bruce Springsteen walked right past Chris Christie's outstretched hand and totally ignored him. I don't know what Springsteen's excuse will be, but we can rule out I didn't see him. —Greg Gutfeld

US and Nigerian forces teamed up to kill an ISIS leader hiding in Africa. The US provided Navy Seals, spy satellites, and predator drones, while Nigeria provided a letter from a prince, offering to share $40 million. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

C'mon in, Kanye! (waxing the rainforest)

Plans are underway to build an erotic theme park in Brazil called “ErotikaLand.” In fact, Brazilian workers are already busy waxing the rainforest. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump welcomed the president of Nigeria to the White House. The meeting started awkwardly when Trump said, "C'mon in, Kanye!" --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Betterluck Jonathan (Art thou up?)

“Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien

There's a new app that turns your texts into lines from Shakespeare. The most popular one used for booty calls is, "Art thou up?" –Conan O’Brien

The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings from 2015 while eating a hot dog from 2005. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A Day Without Women (Betterluck Jonathan)

It's been reported that Britain's Queen Elizabeth has made over $9 million betting on horse racing. When asked to comment, Queen Elizabeth said, "That's nothing! I've won $20 million on dog fighting." --Conan O’Brien

 “Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien

Tomorrow, there’s a protest across the country known as “A Day Without Women.” In fairness, I celebrated “A Day Without Women” all through my 20s. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

C'mon in, Kanye! (We have ways of making you talk)

A teacher in Arkansas is in trouble for giving alcohol to underage students. But to be fair, just because you’re in fifth grade in Arkansas, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re under 21. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump welcomed the president of Nigeria to the White House. The meeting started awkwardly when Trump said, "C'mon in, Kanye!" --Conan O’Brien

Bookmakers are giving odds on the royal baby's new name and the name that came in dead last is "Wayne." Which is too bad, because I’d love to hear the Royal Guards say, "Please rise for his royal highness, Lil Wayne." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

How would you like to pay for that? (Betterluck Jonathan)

“According to a new study, human waste contains gold and other special minerals. In the future this could make things awkward when a cashier asks, "How would you like to pay for that?"—Conan O’Brien

Researchers are saying that men who marry intelligent women are less likely to develop dementia later in life. After hearing this, Kanye West said, "Where am I?" –Conan O’Brien

“Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She broke the Kentucky rule — never mix beer and liquor (How would you like to pay for that?)

“Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien

“A Kentucky woman has been arrested for giving a 1-year-old child beer and rum. She broke the Kentucky rule — never mix beer and liquor.” —Conan O’Brien

“According to a new study, human waste contains gold and other special minerals. In the future this could make things awkward when a cashier asks, "How would you like to pay for that?"—Conan O’Brien

“Vin Diesel said that "Fast and Furious 7" will win the Oscar for best picture. He's being kept in a hospital overnight for observation.”—Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We all feel terrible this happened (invest your money with a Nigerian prince instead)

July 2020

“But for once, Russia is the second biggest hacking story of the day, because yesterday, major Twitter accounts were hacked in a Bitcoin scam. Now, if you’re not familiar, a Bitcoin scam is anything involving Bitcoin.” —Stephen Colbert

”Yep, Joe Biden was hacked. Afterward, he was like, ‘Don’t be fooled by this scam — invest your money with a Nigerian prince instead. He’s giving away free iPhone 7’s.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey took to, well, Twitter to express his discontent, saying, ‘We all feel terrible this happened.’ Fun fact: ‘We all feel terrible this happened’ is Twitter’s official motto.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I just checked the weather. We have maybe a 10% chance of Apocalypse (Donald Trump without the charisma)

May 2011

"Merry Apocalypse Eve. This minister says the world is going to end. I just checked the weather. We have maybe a 10% chance of Apocalypse." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's putting his career on hold to concentrate on personal matters. Either that or he's putting Korea on hold. It's hard to understand him. He told his talent agency to hold all his projects while he cleans up his personal mess. That's what happens when you impregnate your maid. There's no one to clean up messes for you." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If you don't know much about Newt Gingrich, he's like Donald Trump without the charisma." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama said Hillary Clinton is approaching one million frequent flier miles in her job as Secretary of State. Though even that can't get her upgraded to the seat she really wants." –Jimmy Fallon 

"The head of the International Monetary Fund, arrested in New York for assaulting a hotel maid, has posted the one million dollars bail in cash. Well, there goes Nigeria's mosquito net money." –Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What do the other 56 percent think? (two white Nigerian guys)

“News of the economy is really hurting Trump’s popularity. A new poll that was just released said Trump’s disapproval rate is at 56 percent. And now I’m really worried. Now I’m really worried Trump might not fix the economy, because he just says, ‘What do the other 56 percent think?’” --Trevor Noah

“Seems like everybody thinks that something shady happened here. People on the right were saying it was the Clintons who killed Jeffrey. People on the left were saying Trump killed him. Jussie Smollett says it was two white Nigerian guys.” --Trevor Noah 

“Joe Biden has been making so many mistakes on the campaign trail. I don’t know what’s worse, suggesting poor kids are synonymous with black kids or trying to cover it up by listing as many kids as he could and hoping no one would notice. White kids, black kids, Asian kids, Cabbage Patch kids, Gap kids, New Kids on the Block.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Cheney’s up in Whoville, stealing Christmas (and realize they've already won)

"Nigeria has issued an arrest warrant for Dick Cheney. Good luck serving that this time of year. Cheney’s up in Whoville, stealing Christmas." –Jay Leno

"Do you know that President Obama is into re-gifting? In fact, he just gave the Republicans the tax cuts he inherited from President Bush." –Jay Leno

"According to WikiLeaks, the airing of American TV shows in the Middle East is helping to stop Islamic extremism. Would-be terrorists watch our reality shows and realize they've already won." –Conan O'Brien

"WikiLeaks supporters have hacked into Sarah Palin's credit card information after she criticized Julian Assange. Sarah said she's very upset, and hopes all suspicious charges to her account can be refundiated." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

as soon as he's unhooked from the defibrillator (except for the WikiLeaks guy)

"Nigerian authorities are charging former Vice President Dick Cheney on a bribery scandal that involves Halliburton. That's when you know you're bad, when guys in Nigeria are accusing YOU of running a scam. Cheney has offered to be hooked up to a polygraph, as soon as he's unhooked from the defibrillator." –Jay Leno

"President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan. Nobody knew he was going — except for the WikiLeaks guy." –Jay Leno

"Obama was going to have a meeting with Afghan President Karzai about the country's corruption, incompetence, and the wasting of American tax dollars. And that's just what Karzai was going to lecture Obama about." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The previous record for wetness (Only 2,000 times said my p*nis)

For Christmas, Michael Che and Colin Jost make each other read jokes that they have never seen before...

A church in Massachusetts created a nativity scene that comments on the immigration debate by placing the baby Jesus in a cage….where he belongs. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new study shows that the average American touches their mobile device more than 2,000 times a day. Only 2,000 times said my penis. --Michael Che, SNL

Nigeria’s president Muhammadu Buhari denied for months old rumors that he had died and  been replaced by a look-a-like from Sudan. See, even Africans can’t tell black people apart. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new report shows Hurricane Florence was the wettest hurricane in history. The previous record for wetness was set on the opening night of Magic Mike. --Michael Che, SNL

Last week was National Rosa Parks Day. Or as we call it in my house, “Uppity Bus Passenger Day.” --Colin Jost, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Invasion of the Entitlement Snatchers (Fruit of the Lunatic)

"Do you folks know anything about the Skull And Bones society? It's like a fraternal organization, at Yale University. Well, they're auctioning off a human skull. And I was thinking about this. I believe this is the first empty skull to come out of Yale, well, I think since George W. Bush, actually." –David Letterman

"Now, some people are really upset because President Obama has decided to redecorate the Oval Office, and he got rid of former President Bush's bust of Winston Churchill. When he heard about it, Bush was furious and said, 'Winston Churchill? I thought that was Higgins from 'Magnum P.I.'" –Conan O'Brien

"How many people flew to get here? I mean, come on, isn't flying more fun than it used to be? I mean, really. They make you take off your shoes, make you take off your underpants. I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, he is going to blow up the thing. He was wearing a pair of Fruit of the Lunatic." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

That's how grateful republicans were (C'mon in, Kanye!)

President Trump welcomed the president of Nigeria to the White House. The meeting started awkwardly when Trump said, "C'mon in, Kanye!" --Conan O’Brien

The tree planted on the White House lawn by President Trump and French President Macron has been removed and taken away. After hearing about it, Melania disguised herself as a tree. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

God said, "What do I have to do to nail this guy? I mean, come on." (Wait, what?)

Some Gmail users have been getting spam messages from themselves. Which got really confusing for the one guy who actually IS a Nigerian prince. He's like, "Wait, what?" --Jimmy Fallon

A man who was bitten by a shark, a bear, and a rattlesnake in less than four years and survived. The man thanked God he's still alive, while God said, "What do I have to do to nail this guy? I mean, come on." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's three lies in four words (That's a new record!)

One thing President Trump definitely did watch was his son Junior's interview with Sean Hannity last night on Fox News. Trump said his son was "open, transparent, and innocent." That's three lies in four words. That's a new record! –Jimmy Kimmel

I guess Don Jr.'s goal was to put a positive spin on this meeting with the Russian who believed or hoped had damaging information on Hillary Clinton during the campaign, but he still doesn't seem to understand what's wrong with what he did. What's he supposed to do? I mean, when like a Nigerian prince says he's going to transfer $30 million in your account, you give him the number to your account — unless you're some kind of an idiot. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

She broke the Kentucky rule — never mix beer and liquor

“Nigeria just held their election and their incumbent president, whose actual name is Goodluck Jonathan, lost the race. He was beaten by his rival, Betterluck Jonathan.” —Conan O’Brien

“A Kentucky woman has been arrested for giving a 1-year-old child beer and rum. She broke the Kentucky rule — never mix beer and liquor.” —Conan O’Brien

Cheney’s up in Whoville, stealing Christmas

"Nigeria has issued an arrest warrant for Dick Cheney. Good luck serving that this time of year. Cheney’s up in Whoville, stealing Christmas." –Jay Leno



"Do you know that President Obama is into re-gifting? In fact, he just gave the Republicans the tax cuts he inherited from President Bush." –Jay Leno