Operation Pig in a Blanket (it was just too many diapers to change/Double-D.C.)

More details came out about President Trump’s covert exit from Air Force One in a catering container last month. The Secret Service named it “Operation Pig in a Blanket.” —Anthony Anderson

“Today, Trump announced that Karoline Leavitt is resigning as White House press secretary. Leavitt has a toddler and a baby and a husband who’s 32 years older than her. So between that and working for Trump, it was just too many diapers to change.” —Anthony Anderson

“We don’t know who the new press secretary will be or which beauty pageant she is the runner-up in. But if you’re interested in the job, send your résumé, head shot and cup size to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, Double-D.C.” —Anthony Anderson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It says ‘Epstein files’? Don’t open it!’ (Because the president flies with an extra emotional support plane)

On Wednesday, President Trump left the NATO summit in Turkey on his old Air Force One instead of a new Qatari-donated Boeing 747-8 after the Secret Service urged the switch as a security precaution amid hostilities with Iran, according to people briefed on the plans. Did they bring both Air Force Ones? Is that why there’s no gas in the world anymore? Because the president flies with an extra emotional support plane? — Ronny Chieng

Also, you know what happens any time they switch planes on you, OK? Trump definitely lost his luggage. He’s calling them like, ‘Hey, did you guys find a box? It says ‘Epstein files’? Don’t open it!’ — Ronny Chieng

“I mean, it is a little suspicious. It’s like being at a party where the toilet’s overflowing and all of a sudden, I’m like, ‘OK, everyone, I have to leave immediately. No one read into this, please.’” — Ronny Chieng

“And, of course, we had to abandon the Qatari plane for security concerns. Of course that happened. This is why when it comes to the most important plane in the world, you don’t go certified pre-owned.” — Ronny Chieng

“America should spring for a new one, and Trump should give the Qatar plane to, I don’t know, give it to Southwest. I’ll fly in it. I don’t care if they spy on me. What are you going to do, find out I’m watching my own movies on the entertainment system? I’m not ashamed! I’m great in them.” — Ronny Chieng

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was so excited that he accelerated to 21 miles an hour (who can afford to waste gasoline like that?)

A 93 year old man may soon become a Guinness World Record holder for being the world’s oldest truck driver. He was so excited that he accelerated to 21 miles an hour. —Kat Timpf 

Citing security concerns, President Trump switched from the new Air Force One back to the original Air Force One. It was the first time Trump has ever traded in something new for something old. —Kat Timpf   

An Indiana man was arrested for arson after he cut off his penis, poured gasoline on it and then set it on fire in his families garage. Which raises the question, who can afford to waste gasoline like that? —Kat Timpf.  

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a metaphor for his entire existence (Super Bowl Champion New York Jets)

On an Air Force One flight to Japan, President Trump fueled speculation that he might try for a third term (despite the Constitution), telling reporters he’d consider it but adding, “I haven’t really thought about it.” But he had “Trump 2028” hats on his desk a few weeks ago. You haven’t thought about it? You have merch. That’s like James Cameron saying he hasn’t thought about ‘Avatar 4.’ — Seth Meyers

“It’s so weird to make a hat for a thing that can’t happen. Wearing a Trump 2028 hat is like wearing a hat that says, ‘Super Bowl Champion New York Jets.’” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He’s like the reverse Oprah (spoiler alerts)

Donald Trump plans to accept a super luxury Boeing jumbo jet from the royal family of Qatar, with an estimated value of $400 million. The aircraft would be used by Trump as a new Air Force One and then transferred to the Trump Presidential Library Foundation shortly before he leaves office. What? Qatar is giving us a plane that Trump gets to keep? He’s like the reverse Oprah – ‘I get a jet! … and that’s it. I get a jet, for my library.’ Why does his library need a jet? ‘Yeah, I’m calling from Europe, and I need a book about Trump by morning. And the book must travel in the comfort and style one can only get from Qatar.’ The 13-year-old 747 plane, known as the most luxurious private jet in the world, boasts the biggest master bedroom in the sky, several private offices and nine bathrooms. That is not a plane. That is a flying fuck palace. I’m not going to tell Trump how to run his business, but I would steam the shit out of those carpets. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Boeing built this in a hurry (they only broke even)

In other news, Elon Musk and the department of government efficiency (Doge) are reportedly working with Boeing to resolve delays in the new model of Air Force One. Because nothing inspires confidence like hearing ‘Boeing built this in a hurry.’ —Seth Meyers

On Friday, Trump headlined a fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago that cost $1 million a plate. Unfortunately, due to the price of groceries, they only broke even. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

unless, you know, you’re feeling like an omelet (the world series of poker)

Elon Musk dresses like the first person eliminated from the world series of poker. —Jimmy Kimmel

“I tried something a little different this year. I set my clocks ahead four years. It didn’t work.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“When asked by reporters yesterday aboard Air Force One about the possibility of a recession, President Trump said that his tariffs will make the U.S. ‘so rich, you’re not going to know where to spend all that money’ — unless, you know, you’re feeling like an omelet.” — Seth Meyers

“During a Fox News interview, President Trump declined to rule out the possibility that his economic policies could cause a recession. Trump was, like, ‘Depends if we use my economic policies from this morning or this afternoon.’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Hu meets President Huh (soon every American will receive a voucher for a free popsicle)

"President Bush spoke about the immigration problem. Given how out of hand immigration is, there were 800 more people on Air Force One coming back than on the way there." --Jay Leno

"Chinese President Hu Jintao will also be visiting the White House. China's president meets America's president. President Hu meets President Huh." --Jay Leno

"President Bush says he is personally working on a solution for global warming. He says thanks to Republicans, soon every American will receive a voucher for a free popsicle." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't know who those people are, but their faces look familiar (she doesn't get stuck sitting next to a dumb guy)

Mike Huckabee is still in the race, at this point. Yesterday, presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said he won't stay in the race beyond reason. Then Huckabee announced he's dropping out six weeks ago." –Conan O'Brien

"President Bush was greeted by protestors wearing President Bush masks. The president was overheard saying, 'I don't know who those people are, but their faces look familiar.'" –Conan O'Brien

 

"First Lady Laura Bush flew from Washington to New York and instead of flying Air Force One, she took the Delta Shuttle. The first lady said she did this because unlike Air Force One, commercial airlines are cheaper, they waste less gas, and she doesn't get stuck sitting next to a dumb guy." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

You wanna say that to my face?? (Ka-ching!)

Donald Trump's tax plan came out today, and it will significantly help wealthy people with children. Then Kim, Kylie and Khloe were like, "Ka-ching!" –Jimmy Fallon

President Trump watched the hearing while flying on Air Force One. You could tell it wasn't going well, 'cause mid-way through, Trump tried stepping outside to get some air. --Jimmy Fallon

A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, "You wanna say that to my face??" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently this is moving us further from a solution and closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid)

"Good news in the oil situation. BP said they found a way to start breaking up their oil slick. The bad news is it involves a toxic chemical called Corexit 9527A. Apparently this is moving us further from a solution and closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." –Bill Maher

"Air Force One arrived [in Pakistan] today landing there after dark with the lights off and the window shades drawn. And then Osama bin Laden made a speech and said, 'Bush can run, but he can't hide'. Karl Rove told the president that if his approval ratings dipped any lower they were going to have to arrive home the same way." --Bill Maher

"British Petroleum is going to try something new. They're going to try what they call a 'top kill.' That's where they shove a fluid that looks a lot like mud down into the well. I hope this works because the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The suspects are described as armed and jingly (Stop pointing out our lies and hypocrisy!)

April 2023

“Guys, this weekend, President Biden returned to the White House after a four-day trip to Ireland. Yeah, you can tell Biden really enjoyed his time in Ireland 'cause today, instead of falling down the steps of Air Force One, he river-danced down them.” —Jimmy Fallon

“During his trip, Biden quoted his favorite Irish poet, which is different from Trump's favorite Irish quote ‘They'll never get me Lucky Charms.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Did you guys see this? Today, Elon Musk called off the launch of his Starship rocket due to a pressure issue. Yep. Elon tried to make the SpaceX team feel better. He was like, ‘Don't worry, guys. This rocket is still not as dangerous as driving a Tesla.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Guys, I heard that thieves in Philadelphia stole 2 million dimes worth $200,000 from a truck parked at a mall. The suspects are described as armed and jingly.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The two kinds of people when I explain my kinks (So, apparently, weed is legal on Air Force One)

March 2023

“Let's get to some news. Today, in Washington, the Conservative Political Action Conference, or CPAC, kicked off. I heard that this year top Republicans like Ron DeSantis and Mitch McConnell aren't attending CPAC. It's being held in D.C. at the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center. Now we know Mike Pence won't be there, either.” —Jimmy Fallon

“A few days ago, when First Lady Jill Biden was flying back from a trip to Kenya, the plane stopped to refuel in Italy, and she ordered 19 pizzas. Man! So, apparently, weed is legal on Air Force One.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech (a lot of people are wondering what the return policy is for presidents)

It seems like every day Trump’s upset about something else. And I guess now — this is real — he is complaining that the hand towels on Air Force One are not soft enough. Then the flight attendant said, “Sir, that’s my skirt.” –Jimmy Fallon

This morning President Trump actually went on Twitter to criticize Nordstrom for dropping his daughter Ivanka’s line and treating her unfairly. While Trump’s tweeting about a department store, a lot of people are wondering what the return policy is for presidents. –Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

Not only was today the New Hampshire primary, it was also National Pizza Day. So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's time once again for everyone's favorite game (You’d think he’d just take the carpet)

Some more news out of Washington. The government is spending $24 million to replace two refrigerators on Air Force One. Until then, they’re keeping perishables cold by putting them between Donald and Melania. --Jimmy Fallon

"Voters in Switzerland will decide next month if animals should have the right to be represented by lawyers in court. If they approve it, it will finally clear the way for the long-awaited lawsuit of 'cat vs. string.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Even people connected to Donald Trump are taking some heat, like Disney CEO Bob Iger, who’s facing criticism for being part of a Trump advisory committee. Meanwhile, Aladdin has been stuck in customs at JFK since Saturday. You’d think he’d just take the carpet. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's only five points away from Trump calling it rigged (How do I flush a 60-pound goldfish?)

November 2022

“Meanwhile, today President Biden got his Thanksgiving vacation started in Nantucket. Yep, Biden just landed in Massachusetts for Thanksgiving. And this time he took Air Force One instead of the Mayflower.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Recent polling shows that Florida governor Ron DeSantis is closing the gap in a hypothetical 2024 matchup with former president Trump. This is how close DeSantis is. He's only five points away from Trump calling it rigged.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today, Dr. Fauci gave his final White House briefing before his retirement. He was like, ‘This is my last day, so if you want to inject bleach, go nuts.’ Yep, Dr. Fauci is 81 years old. Today, Biden was like, ‘Congrats on your early retirement.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“I heard about a British fisherman caught a goldfish that was over 60 pounds. The goldfish was like, ‘So I went a little overboard on Thanksgiving, okay? What, everyone's a judge?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Right now the guy has an even bigger problem. He's like, ‘How do I flush a 60-pound goldfish?’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And they still made him take his shoes off at security (Make jobs, NOT war)

May 2014

"Yesterday Chris Christie said he thinks it would be fun to run against Jeb Bush for the Republican presidential nomination. While Jeb Bush said it would be fun just to watch Chris Christie run." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama was here, touring New York sites in need of repair. He wants to spend money on our infrastructure. For example, the port authority needs fixing. And the Tappan Zee Bridge, where the renovation is already finishing up way ahead of schedule – like Obama's second term." –David Letterman

"The new 'Godzilla' opens this weekend. They're finally able to control Godzilla when New Jersey Governor Chris Christie closes down the George Washington Bridge." –David Letterman

"Today President Obama took his 1,001st flight aboard Air Force One. And they still made him take his shoes off at security." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're already paying 97% of our campaign contributions (Tax the Rich?)

May 2014

"Yesterday Chris Christie said he thinks it would be fun to run against Jeb Bush for the Republican presidential nomination. While Jeb Bush said it would be fun just to watch Chris Christie run." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama was here, touring New York sites in need of repair. He wants to spend money on our infrastructure. For example, the port authority needs fixing. And the Tappan Zee Bridge, where the renovation is already finishing up way ahead of schedule – like Obama's second term." –David Letterman

"The new 'Godzilla' opens this weekend. They're finally able to control Godzilla when New Jersey Governor Chris Christie closes down the George Washington Bridge." –David Letterman

"Today President Obama took his 1,001st flight aboard Air Force One. And they still made him take his shoes off at security." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the same feeling you get when your grandma renews her driver’s license (essence of capitalism)

March 2022

“This week has also seen Hillary Clinton reveal that she has Covid-19, which is surprising for someone who’s been alone in the woods for six whole years. While she had a positive test, her husband, Bill Clinton, remains negative. That’s how deep we are in the upside-down world, Hillary caught a virus and Bill didn’t.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“When Biden was a kid, Air Force One was a balloon.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“President Biden is traveling to Brussels this week. The president is heading there to figure out a new round of sanctions against Russia. But I am nervous over him flying. It’s the same feeling you get when your grandma renews her driver’s license.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“More information also came out about what happened to Mike Pence during the Capital riot in January. The former vice-president was reportedly taken to a loading dock beneath the building so he could be put into hiding. It was tough to convince Pence to go along with the plan because any discussion of going through the back door makes him uncomfortable.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up (Lingering Awkwardness)

Some more news out of Washington. The government is spending $24 million to replace two refrigerators on Air Force One. Until then, they’re keeping perishables cold by putting them between Donald and Melania. --Jimmy Fallon

Sunday is also the Kitten Bowl on the Hallmark Channel. It will feature the Little Long Tails going up against their rival, a red laser pointer. --Jimmy Fallon

"It's rumored that Chris Christie and Mitt Romney are planning to meet to overcome any lingering awkwardness from the 2012 election. Incidentally, 'Lingering Awkwardness' was actually Mitt Romney's Secret Service code name." –Jimmy Fallon

Two new ax-throwing bars will open in Boston this year. Boston is getting a new bar where people can try ax-throwing. So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”