I was gone for two years and nobody even noticed (they only come here if they’re already high)

April 2022

“Today, it was announced that Vice President Kamala Harris has tested positive for Covid-19. Yeah, President Biden told her to take her time recovering. He was like, ‘When I was V.P., I was gone for two years and nobody even noticed.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“It’s Melania Trump’s 52nd birthday. Birthdays are tough for Melania – she’s made the same wish for the past 20 years, and it never comes true. The tears keep extinguishing the candles before she can blow them out. I don’t know what kind of gift Trump gave her, but he did send her a beautiful email today that started ‘dear supporter.’ Birthdays are depressing for a lot of people. Can you imagine being Melania? Every year they sing happy birthday, then she spends the next 10 minutes watching the gibbon she married wolf down a whole cake.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“And officials in New York are reportedly considering a proposal to allow pizzerias and other restaurants to sell cannabis-infused foods. ‘Oh, they only come here if they’re already high’ – said Papa John’s.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the same feeling you get when your grandma renews her driver’s license (essence of capitalism)

March 2022

“This week has also seen Hillary Clinton reveal that she has Covid-19, which is surprising for someone who’s been alone in the woods for six whole years. While she had a positive test, her husband, Bill Clinton, remains negative. That’s how deep we are in the upside-down world, Hillary caught a virus and Bill didn’t.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“When Biden was a kid, Air Force One was a balloon.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“President Biden is traveling to Brussels this week. The president is heading there to figure out a new round of sanctions against Russia. But I am nervous over him flying. It’s the same feeling you get when your grandma renews her driver’s license.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“More information also came out about what happened to Mike Pence during the Capital riot in January. The former vice-president was reportedly taken to a loading dock beneath the building so he could be put into hiding. It was tough to convince Pence to go along with the plan because any discussion of going through the back door makes him uncomfortable.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Cannabis compounds are also what Willie Nelson calls his house (The real death panels are health insurance companies)

January 2022

“In a new study, researchers found that cannabis compounds can prevent Covid-19 from penetrating human cells. Cannabis compounds are also what Willie Nelson calls his house.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This would be interesting. All this time we’ve been listening to the C.D.C., we should have been eating CBD.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“You know, it’s funny — all these crazy cures, I’m like ‘Oh, that’s ridiculous.’ Ivermectin, the horse dewormer; bleach. And then somebody says marijuana prevents Covid, I’m like ‘Oh, really? Do tell.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“In an interview with rightwing media company OAN, Trump confirmed he’d had the Covid booster and called Republican lawmakers who refuse to say they’ve been vaccinated ‘gutless’. It was a thinly veiled barb at Florida’s governor, Ron DeSantis, who stumbled over a question about his booster status on Fox News last weekend. DeSantis is expected to run for the Republican nomination for president in 2024, and you know that makes Trump crazy. Trump desperately wants credit for developing the vaccines, because he should want credit, but the dummies who follow him boo him when he says he got the vaccine. And then you have characters like DeSantis who wants to have it both ways – he obviously got the booster but he doesn’t want to admit he got it. Which makes Trump, who did admit it, look like a wuss to the gators and chewing tobacco crowd. I mean, imagine being called gutless by Captain Bone Spurs.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

So once again, the NFL's priorities are in perfect order (Pyramid of the Capitalist System)

November 2021

“Yesterday, the N.F.L. fined Rodgers and the Packers for violating Covid-19 protocols. Phew. Now that Covid protocols are being enforced, we can get back to safely enjoying the beautiful game of 300-pound men crushing each other’s spines like a sleeve of Ritz crackers.” — Stephen Colbert on the Green Bay Packers and their quarterback Aaron Rodgers

“Rodgers attended a Halloween party despite being unvaccinated, for which the N.F.L. fined him $14,650. Which sounds like a lot of money, but it’s the equivalent of fining an average American $33.80 — or one beer at a Packers game.” — Stephen Colbert

“Just to put that in perspective, CeeDee Lamb of the Cowboys was fined more than $15,000 for having an untucked jersey. So once again, the league’s priorities are in perfect order.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which, to be fair, are hard to see, because they’re ghost protocols (Tom Cruise does all of his own rants)

December 2020

“While he was on set, Tom Cruise noticed two members — two crew members standing too close to one another in front of a computer screen, violating the movie’s strict Covid-19 safety protocols. Which, to be fair, are hard to see, because they’re ghost protocols.” — Stephen Colbert, on Tom Cruise’s on-set Covid-19 rant

“Now, as intense as that sounds — and it does sound intense — that’s just the audio. He said all of that while halo jumping from a C-17 onto the minute hand of Big Ben. Yes, Tom Cruise does all of his own rants.” — Stephen Colbert

“Now, the recording goes on for more than three minutes. Much like the ‘Mission: Impossible’ franchise itself, it gets kind of repetitive, but it never lets up on the adrenaline.” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”