There is only us against them (I also do accents)

SAG-AFTRA Union reached a tentative deal with studios on Wednesday, allowing Hollywood actors to return to work after 118 days. One member of the actors’ negotiating committee said that there were ‘tears of exhilaration and joy’ in the room after the deal was approved, and it only took them a few takes. It was very realistic. — Jimmy Kimmel

“The Hallmark Channel immediately started shooting all 1,200 of its Christmas movies this morning.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“It is a big night: the S.A.G. strike is over. Which means Hollywood can finally get back to what they do best: turning your children gay.” — Sarah Silverman

“When the actors heard a deal had been reached, they gasped, screamed, laughed, cried, and then were like ‘I also do accents.’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up (Lingering Awkwardness)

Some more news out of Washington. The government is spending $24 million to replace two refrigerators on Air Force One. Until then, they’re keeping perishables cold by putting them between Donald and Melania. --Jimmy Fallon

Sunday is also the Kitten Bowl on the Hallmark Channel. It will feature the Little Long Tails going up against their rival, a red laser pointer. --Jimmy Fallon

"It's rumored that Chris Christie and Mitt Romney are planning to meet to overcome any lingering awkwardness from the 2012 election. Incidentally, 'Lingering Awkwardness' was actually Mitt Romney's Secret Service code name." –Jimmy Fallon

Two new ax-throwing bars will open in Boston this year. Boston is getting a new bar where people can try ax-throwing. So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They churn out new crazy like the Hallmark Channel makes Christmas movies (it’s harder to achieve insurrection)

January 2021

Alabama's newest senator is Tommy Tuberville. How to describe Tommy. He's like if a hot mike slur got voted into office. Tommy's the former coach of the Auburn Tigers football team and intellectually, let's just say he's a few yards short of a first down. He refused to debate before his primary and general elections and it's a good thing because he could lose a game of tic-tac-toe with a Saint Bernard. —Bill Maher

Now if fresh-faced is your thing get ready to swipe right on rising hate monger Madison Corthorn from North Carolina. One of the leaders of the stop the steal fiasco who hyped the riot at the capitol like it was the fire festival, and who at the tender age of 25 is the youngest republican ever elected to the house. I've thrown up Scotch older than this prick. You know every Chad Douchebag you see on a jet ski on instagram. Yeah, he's a congressman now. And this one brags that he carries a gun on the house floor. But not irresponsibly. It's safely secured in his Paw Patrol lunch box. —Bill Maher

Melania was very comforting to Donald. He was in a bad mood, but she said, ‘It’s OK dear. When you get older it’s harder to achieve insurrection. —Bill Maher

Republicans restock douche bags with the efficiency of an Amazon warehouse. They churn out new crazy like the Hallmark Channel makes Christmas movies. —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A. (the cards come pre-addressed to your congressman)

September 2011

"President Obama's visit to Los Angeles has really messed up traffic. It took me two hours to get to work. Of course, I ride a little girl's bike to work." –Conan O'Brien

"Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A." –Conan O'Brien 

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie vetoed a tax break for 'Jersey Shore.' The veto made Snooki so angry that she turned orange-red." –Conan O'Brien 

"Hallmark has launched a line of recession-themed cards that say, 'Sorry you lost your job.' The good news is, the cards come pre-addressed to your congressman." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh man — he must be so embarrassed right now (Yell Ding Dong Really Loud)

"The first Republican presidential debate was held on Monday night. Seven Republican presidential candidates got together to agree on how much they dislike the government they would like to run. Imagine if you did that in a job interview." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Mitt Romney is the front runner at this point, mostly because he looks like the guy they would cast as the president in a disaster movie." –Jimmy Kimmel 

"Happy birthday to Donald Trump, who turned 65, allegedly. We still haven't seen the birth certificate so we don't know for sure." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Happy Birthday to Donald Trump, who was born 65 years ago today! It was sweet. Today Obama sent him a nice Hallmark card that said, 'Prove it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The New York Daily News is reporting that Anthony Weiner's car isn't registered at the DMV. Oh man — he must be so embarrassed right now." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Pick a lane, ladies! I can’t have my kids seeing this (it’s the last time they’ll ever kiss, relax)

“Every year, the Hallmark Channel releases its Christmas movie lineup as a reminder that the Hallmark Channel exists. This year, they’ve also decided to release some controversy. In 2019, a conservative group complained because of an ad that showed two women kissing? What are you getting mad for? They’re kissing at their wedding; it’s the last time they’ll ever kiss, relax.” --Trevor Noah

“I got to say that Hallmark ad is upsetting. They’re standing in front of decorative prelit trees, but the room also has an elaborate wooden mantle — what’s the aesthetic here, classic evening or rustic chic? Pick a lane, ladies! I can’t have my kids seeing this.” --Stephen Colbert

“Now, Hallmark caved immediately, saying, ‘The Hallmark brand is never going to be divisive. We don’t want to generate controversy.’ We know — we’ve seen your movies. Hallmark doesn’t generate controversy, character growth, dramatic tension, or leading roles for black people.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the Little Long Tails are going up against their arch rival (red laser pointer)

Over on the Animal Planet, they’re holding their 14th annual Puppy Bowl. This year it will feature Team Ruff vs. Team Fluff. And if you’re curious which team is better, please visit www.gamblersanonymous.org. --Jimmy Fallon

Sunday is also the Kitten Bowl on the Hallmark Channel. It will feature the Little Long Tails going up against their rival, a red laser pointer. --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html 

If Omarosa swears this guy in, I’m moving back to England

The Better Business Bureau just released a list of the top 10 holiday scams to avoid. And get this, the list only cost me $200. –Jimmy Fallon

The Hallmark Channel is coming under fire for having mostly white actors as the stars of their Christmas movies. Then Hallmark said, “That’s not true. None of the actors in our movies are stars.” –Jimmy Fallon

There are reports that Donald Trump has been meeting with Mark Burnett, the creator of “The Apprentice,” to plan next month’s inauguration ceremony. If Omarosa swears this guy in, I’m moving back to England. –James Corden