And he misspelled chair (America's taint)

"President Obama went to Ground Zero. He went up in the new skyscraper being built in the shadow of the World Trade Center, and he inscribed one of the steel beams. He wrote, 'We remember, we rebuild, we come back stronger.' Which was very poignant, especially since Bush had written on it, 'We got hit, I sat in a chair, I peed my pants.' And he misspelled chair." –Bill Maher

"Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the other day that the prison at Guantanamo Bay has become a taint on the reputation of America. And that's what the Bush administration will always be remembered as -- America's taint." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if anybody represents the rugged great outdoors, it’s a spray-tanned germaphobe who goes to the bathroom on a gold toilet (Uh oh)

"Big changes in Washington. Earlier today, new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates flew to Iraq to get a first-hand look of the situation over there. After surveying the situation, Gates was quoted as saying, 'Uh oh.'" --Conan O'Brien 

"Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is out on the campaign trail. Today, she attended a rally in Wisconsin. The Alaska Governor said she was thrilled to visit Wisconsin because she's never been to the Deep South." -Conan O'Brien

So Donald Trump endorsed L.L. Bean on Twitter — because if anybody represents the rugged great outdoors, it’s a spray-tanned germaphobe who goes to the bathroom on a gold toilet. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And that's what the Bush administration will always be remembered as -- America's taint (before-picture tranquilizer ad)

"The lights are a little dimmer in Crazytown tonight. In the struggle between reality and Michele Bachmann, reality has won. Flags are being flown at half mast at the Laugh Factory. Michele Bachmann is out. Still no word on her husband Marcus." –Bill Maher

"Michele Bachmann said it was a very tough decision, but after a lengthy discussion with her husband, her staff, her constituents, and with the little ballerina that twirls around on the top of her jewelry box, she wanted to spend more time as Carrie's mom. And also, she has a new job lined up. She's the before-picture in a tranquilizer ad." –Bill Maher

"Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the other day that the prison at Guantanamo Bay has become a taint on the reputation of America. And that's what the Bush administration will always be remembered as -- America's taint." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

not about the gay thing, about evolution/Now they want to be paid in Euros/America's taint

"President Obama said he was evolving and then he came out for gay marriage. Conservatives, of course, are furious – not about the gay thing, about evolution." –Bill Maher

"Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the other day that the prison at Guantanamo Bay has become a taint on the reputation of America. And that's what the Bush administration will always be remembered as -- America's taint." --Bill Maher

 

"Morgan Stanley today was looking for a merger partner on eHarmony. I'm telling you. You know these Sunni militias in Iraq that we are bribing not to shoot at us? Now they want to be paid in Euros." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it (the Velveeta cheese shortage)

January 2014

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie doesn't know yet if he's running for president in 2016. I guess he'll cross that bridge when he comes to it." –Jay Leno

"Somebody at Governor Christie's office was involved in a traffic lane closure at the George Washington Bridge. It clogged up a major artery, causing a huge traffic jam. But Christie is denying any personal involvement. He said he was too busy clogging his own arteries at the time." –Jay Leno

"Pundits are saying this could hurt his 2016 presidential campaign. The ironic thing is this: Now that Christie is denying everything he sounds even more presidential, doesn't he?" –Jay Leno 

"After his denial, Christie quickly left the news conference to deal with a more personal crisis: the Velveeta cheese shortage." –Jay Leno

"In the new movie 'The Wolf of Wall Street,' they say the F-word was used a record 506 times. Thus breaking the old record of 505 times set by President Obama when he heard about Robert Gates' new book." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

and I hope to God he knows what we mean by a "selfie." (don't book the deejay just yet)

Duchess Meghan Markle gave birth to a baby boy this morning, who is now seventh in line for the throne, which, if you ask me, is just unfair. Making a baby kill six people?  --Seth Meyers

According to Politico, former Vice President Joe Biden has been less touchy with voters on the campaign trail and is doing more selfies, and I hope to God he knows what we mean by a "selfie." --Seth Meyers

President Trump this weekend retweeted a post suggesting that he have two years added to his term in order to make up for the time taken up by the Russia investigation, and to make up for the time he's spent playing golf, he'll need at least an additional decade. --Seth Meyers

During an interview this weekend, former Defense Secretary Robert Gates was asked if he believes Joe Biden would be a good commander in chief and responded by pausing for several seconds and then saying, "I don't know." That is not a "yes." If you asked your girlfriend to marry you and she paused for several seconds and then said, "I don't know," you would not start booking a deejay. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This lovely moment in American history is brought to you by... (kind of like the ethics regulations in Congress)

"Sarah Palin spoke out this week against the healthcare reform bill, saying, 'Elections have consequences.' Well, of course, elections have consequences. That's why right now, instead of being vice president of the United States, she's trying to get a reality show on the Animal Planet." –Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Robert Gates announced today that the Pentagon will ease up on its enforcement of the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. He said homosexual behavior will still be against the rules, but nobody will actively enforce it. You know, kind of like the ethics regulations in Congress." –Jay Leno

"Today in Arizona, John McCain and Sarah Palin appeared together at a campaign rally. Palin gave her standard stump speech, which means you ask a question, and she's stumped." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And that's what the Bush administration will always be remembered as (America's taint)

"Nobody knows debt like California. We had a special election, and they rejected all the proposals Gov. Schwarzenegger suggested to save the state from going under. Very bad day for him. He said he has not been this humiliated since the '80s when he took an acting class." --Bill Maher

"We're $26 billion in the hole. I don't want to say it's bad, but today Mexico announced they're building a border fence." --Bill Maher

"There was sort of an unprecedented event this week when Obama was on television giving his version of national security, and then moments later Dick Cheney was on. It was all about Obama vs. Cheney: yes we can vs. go f**k yourself , biracial vs. bicentennial; walks with a spring, craps in a bag." --Bill Maher

"Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the other day that the prison at Guantanamo Bay has become a taint on the reputation of America. And that's what the Bush administration will always be remembered as -- America's taint." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

However, the pirates are still holding the ship comic (or as we call them in this country, rap stars)

"So the Navy Seal snipers shot three pirates. They shot them at the same time, simultaneously. I mean that is sharp shooting, ladies and gentlemen. Boom, all of them gone. I mean, something like that hasn't really happened since the last Dick Cheney hunting trip." --Jimmy Fallon

"So the good news is the Navy sea captain from the United States was rescued in that action. However, the pirates are still holding the ship comic." --Jimmy Fallon

"Whew! Last night, I had that great new drink, the Navy Seal. Three shots -- boom -- and you're done." --Jay Leno

"Well, you know, Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the Somali pirates were all 'untrained teenagers with heavy weapons,' or as we call them in this country, rap stars." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I think Tickle Me Elmo is more analytical than President Bush (And the other, of course, is the governor of Alaska)

"Well, let's see what's going on in the world. It was this week in 1854 that the Republican Party was founded with only a handful of true believers. Just like today." --Jay Leno

"Actually, this past weekend, the Conservative Political Action Conference picked Mitt Romney over Sarah Palin in their straw poll to be the next presidential candidate. Yeah. Well, it's kind of interesting. I mean, one is just a pretty face, obsessed with makeup and hair. And the other, of course, is the governor of Alaska." --Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was on 'Meet the Press' yesterday. And he said that Barack Obama is more analytical than President Bush. Well, there's a shock, huh? I think Tickle Me Elmo is more analytical than President Bush." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Kwanzaa only exists because a guy named Kwan died for our sins (Uh oh)

"This sounds like a tabloid story “but according to the Washington Post, former President Bill Clinton has received counseling for sex addiction. I don't think it went too well. Halfway through the first session he talked to his therapist out of her bra and panties. Actually, you know what would cure Bill of his sex addiction? Hillary!" --Jay Leno

"Big changes in Washington. Earlier today, new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates flew to Iraq to get a first-hand look of the situation over there. After surveying the situation, Gates was quoted as saying, 'Uh oh.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, President Bush delivered his annual Kwanzaa message. The president said let's remember that Kwanzaa only exists because a guy named Kwan died for our sins." --Conan O'Brien

He was just two racial slurs away from becoming Grand Wizard

"Donald Rumsfeld has resigned and the new Secretary of Defense is a guy named Robert Gates. He's a close friend of the Bush family. Yeah, that always works out pretty well. Rumsfeld took it pretty well. He said he's eager now to move on to try and legalize torture in the private sector." --David Letterman

"If the results hold up, George Allen will no longer be able to put the word senator in front of his name. He'll have to go back to his old title, 'Imperial wizard.' He was just two racial slurs away from winning." --Jay Leno

"Big, big win for the Democrats. Senator Hillary Clinton's overwhelming victory has fueled speculation that she will run for president in 2008. In other words, there was some good news for Republicans." --Conan O'Brien

Secret Service code names...

"Today was the first and only day of confirmation hearings for his replacement Robert Gates. The committee immediately confirmed the guy. They really only had one question: Are you now or have you ever been Donald Rumsfeld? He said, 'No.' He showed them his driver's license and utility bill, and boom, they confirmed him." --Stephen Colbert

"Big problem in Malibu. A thirty-foot sink hole opened up on the Pacific Coast Highway. You thought President Bush was slow getting federal aid to rebuild New Orleans? How long do think it's going to take to bail out Barbra Streisand?" --Jay Leno

"Now three schools are in the running for the George Bush presidential library. I understand the losing school will get it." --Jay Leno

"Indiana Senator Evan Bayh announced he is starting a presidential exploratory committee. Right now the two Democrats throwing their hat in the ring are Tom Vilsack and Evan Bayh. To give you an idea of how unknown these guys are, their Secret Service code names are Tom Vilsack and Evan Bayh." --Jay Leno

At this point in her marriage, this is somebody who's probably used to being embarrassed

"First Lady Laura Bush shelled out $8,500 for this Oscar De La Renta gown to wear to the Kennedy Center Honors. Unfortunately, so did a bunch of other women. At this point in her marriage, this is somebody who's probably used to being embarrassed." --Jimmy Kimmel

"It is in book form and entitled, 'The Way Forward -- A New Approach,' a stark contrast from the book Bush had been operating from, 'Deeper and Deeper into the Hole That I Myself Have Dug.'" --Jon Stewart, on the Iraq Study Group report

"Yesterday, Defense Secretary nominee Robert Gates went before the Senate Armed Service Committee. To win his confirmation, he sought a new approach to impress the senators [on screen: Gates saying he does not believe the U.S. is winning the war in Iraq]. Woah. A two-word honest answer. You had us at 'We're losing.'" --Jon Stewart

Lady Balls/kick the Kaiser's ass/Hillary's bad experience

"Senator Hillary Clinton was asked about President Bush and she said, 'I'm not going to believe this president again.' Yeah, Hillary said, to be fair, I stopped believing presidents ten years ago. Apparently she had a bad experience." --Conan O'Brien

"Robert Gates, the new Secretary of Defense, was sworn in today. During his speech, he thanked his 93-year-old mother. After the speech, Gates's 93-year-old mother told her boy to go out there, and kick the Kaiser's ass." --Conan O'Brien

"Evidently, America doesn't value balls anymore because last month they put the Democrats in Congress. Look at the leadership. Nancy Pelosi. Not that women can't have balls. They can have lady balls. I call them thatchers." --Stephen Colbert

Gates was quoted as saying, 'Uh oh.'

"When the president gave an interview with the Washington Post earlier this week, this audio exchange came as a bit of surprise. [On screen: Bush: We're not winning and we're not losing]. Technically, the president is correct. We're not winning or losing because Iraq is in a Civil War. We can't win or lose that. It has nothing to do with us!" --Jon Stewart

"This sounds like a tabloid story “but according to the Washington Post, former President Bill Clinton has received counseling for sex addiction. I don't think it went too well. Halfway through the first session he talked to his therapist out of a bra and panties. Actually, you know what would cure Bill of his sex addiction? Hillary!" --Jay Leno

"Big changes in Washington. Earlier today, new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates flew to Iraq to get a first-hand look of the situation over there. After surveying the situation, Gates was quoted as saying, 'Uh oh.'" --Conan O'Brien