Quick, get him to a couch and point a camera at him (It doesn’t mean you get to fly the plane)

In anonymous interviews, several of Pete Hegseth’s former colleagues at Fox said that on more than a dozen occasions during his time as Fox & Friends Weekend cohost, they smelled alcohol on him before he went on air. Come on, it’s a show that starts at 6am on the weekend – I’m sure a lot of morning hosts are still feeling it from the night before. —Stephen Colbert      

Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy have been selected to lead the “department of government efficiency”, or Doge. Though appointed by Trump, the new department has no power to make laws, cut budget or do anything. It’s like when you’re a kid and you visit the cockpit, you get a set of wings. It doesn’t mean you get to fly the plane. —Jimmy Kimmel

There is another report on Pete Hegseth’s drunken behavior, this time at a 2016 Fox News Christmas party where complaints led to a human resources intervention. The HR talking-to clearly didn’t work, because soon after, Hegseth attended the wedding of a Fox News colleague where he reportedly got so drunk that he struggled to stay upright in a bathroom. Friends asked a producer who was there to get him a ride home. OK, finally, someone at Fox News who’s responsible … is what I would say if that sentence did not end with ‘so he could make it to the set by 6am’. Imagine the logic: This man is clearly too drunk to stand! Quick, get him to a couch and point a camera at him. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

just leave a trail of chicken nuggets to a cliff with a sign that said ‘honey mustard below’ (4 out of 5 citizens love democracy)

Donald Trump’s lawyers grilled his former lawyer Michael Cohen. As motivation for Cohen’s vindictiveness, the defense tried to show that Cohen felt rejected by Trump, including getting him to confirm that he had a hard time securing tickets to Trump’s inauguration in January 2017. Wow, that had to sting. Because we all know there were plenty of seats available. —Stephen Colbert

Outside the courthouse on Thursday, Trump spoke to reporters to complain about the prosecution, calling the trial “a scam and it’s a sham”. Coincidentally, ‘scam’ and ‘sham’ also the Secret Service code names for Eric and Don Jr. —Stephen Colbert

Trump agreed to the terms for the debates, but Republicans are already working to undermine them. Vivek Ramaswamy, a potential Trump VP pick, tweeted: “Call me cynical, but why is Joe Biden suddenly so willing to debate? It could be because he’s desperate, or it could be because it’s a set-up.”Oh, grow up. If Biden really wanted to trap Trump, he could just leave a trail of chicken nuggets to a cliff with a sign that said ‘honey mustard below’. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it seems like the only thing we’re accomplishing is making sure that Trump is well rested before the election (I’ll wait for you!)

Donald Trump fell asleep in court for a full half-hour during Michael Cohen’s testimony on Monday. Again? You know, I was excited for this trial, but it seems like the only thing we’re accomplishing is making sure that Trump is well rested before the election. —Seth Meyers

Michael Cohen testified that Trump “wasn’t thinking” about Melania when he instructed him to pay $130,000 to Stormy Daniels for her silence. Yeah, no kidding. I’d be surprised if he was thinking about her at the wedding. —Seth Meyers

Among those who attended Trump’s trial this week was the former Republican presidential candidate and current VP hopeful Vivek Ramaswamy, though he had to be removed because he kept screaming ‘I’ll wait for you!’ —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like No. 1 on my list (like a Keister elf)

Donald Trump has already paid $9,000 for his previous nine gag order violation fines, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is a lot for Eric, who now won’t be getting his allowance this week. —Jimmy Kimmel

Judge Merchan threatened Trump with jail time for further violations, which means Trump is definitely going to jail, because he can’t stop talking about the case. It’s like trying to get a dog to stop licking himself. How would that even work? Like, would they give him a cavity search? God help whoever gets that gig. They might find Vivek Ramaswamy living up there like a Keister elf. —Jimmy Kimmel

Sending the former president on a trip to Bar-A-Lago, according to Judge Merchan, is ‘the last thing I want to do,’ which is funny because it’s the first thing I would want to do. It’s like No. 1 on my list. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

ratings are going to be higher than Snoop Dogg at a Willie Nelson concert (not-too-Swifties)

“There are so many questions about this Super Bowl: can the 49ers contain Patrick Mahomes? Can the Chiefs stop Christian McCaffrey? And the one that most people care about: can Taylor Swift make it there because she has a concert in Japan the day before?! Between the Super Bowl and Swift, he added, ratings are going to be higher than Snoop Dogg at a Willie Nelson concert.” —Jimmy Fallon

Supporters of former President Donald Trump are spreading conspiracy theories about the Super Bowl, Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs and his girlfriend, Taylor Swift. Even this clown who ran for president, Vivek Ramaswamy, added his nut voice to the chorus of cuckoos. He pointed to the former G.O.P. candidate’s suggestion that Kelce and Swift were “an artificially culturally propped-up couple” and that the Super Bowl would be rigged, all to get President Biden re-elected. And it’s not just on Twitter — this nonsense is now everywhere your angry grandpa goes, I’m calling the conspiracy theorists, the “not-too-Swifties.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait, Donald, this is your speech. Sorry! (Neither side is the answer)

Vivek Ramaswamy dropped out of the 2024 presidential race on Monday after finishing fourth at the Iowa caucuses. The 38-year-old entrepreneur endorsed former President Donald Trump and supported him at a rally in New Hampshire on Tuesday. Everyone was on the edge of their seat just to hear how Trump would pronounce Vivek Ramaswamy. —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, Ramaswamy took the stage and praised Trump for eight minutes. Then he was, like, ‘Wait, Donald, this is your speech. Sorry!’” —Jimmy Fallon

“So the DeSantis train is steaming on to New Hampshire, where he is currently polling at 5 percent. But don’t give up, Ron, because when asked which candidate they preferred, 2 percent refused to answer. If they’re ashamed to say it out loud, that’s a DeSantis voter.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What would you like to look like in your suit? (No! That's socialism!)

Lately, Trump has seemed to be struggling with words. On the campaign trail, Trump got basic facts confused, forgot which city he’s in, and at one stop, said that photo ID is needed to buy a loaf of bread. Clearly this man has never bought a loaf of bread in his life. He’s probably only ever said the words ‘loaf of bread’ when his tailor asked ‘what would you like to look like in your suit?’ —Seth Meyers

The fourth Republican debate on Thursday evening was hosted on the little-known cable channel News Nation. The debate featured four remaining candidates – Nikki Haley, Chris Christie, Vivek Ramaswamy and Ron DeSantis – but notably not the faraway frontrunner in the race, Donald Trump, who was barely mentioned. Why should I act like any of these people are actually running against Donald Trump when they won’t even act like they’re running against Donald Trump? They spent the whole debate fighting each other like pigeons fighting over a french fry in the parking lot of a restaurant that is owned by a much bigger pigeon. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

An overdue reminder of what can happen when you go to the moon (they won’t even have to use ink)

April 2023

“We are watching for Donald Trump’s arraignment on charges stemming from hush-money payments during the 2016 presidential campaign. So what happens now? What does he plead? When is the trial? What if he goes to jail? He could end up the head of a violent white supremacist gang, but in prison this time.” —Stephen Colbert

“The arraignment will reportedly include fingerprinting the former president, and they won’t even have to use ink. I’m pretty sure there’s enough ketchup on there all the time.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, numerous Republican commentators have tried to discredit the charges by warning, as Vivek Ramaswamy put it on Fox News, that ‘if they can do it to Trump, they can do it to you’. It’s true. If this indictment stands, then no one who has their fixer pay six figures in hush money to their porn star lover, then reimburses that fixer out of business expense accounts, then falsifies it as ‘legal fees’ and conspires with the publisher of the National Enquirer to catch and kill stories about his other extramarital affairs as part of another illegal violation of campaign finance laws, will be safe! You know the old saying. First they came for the former president, and I said nothing because he is so f*cking guilty.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”