It makes things too complicated at the rest stop (and I thought, ooh company)

Joe Biden has been running for president since 1988. In 1988 Air Supply was a band, now it’s what Joe Biden needs when he reaches the top of the stairs. —Bill Maher

It's rough around here. A few days ago I was watching the movie Once Upon a Time In Hollywood, a terrific movie, and that scene where Brad Pitt answers the door and it's the Manson Family and I thought, ooh company. —Bill Maher

"Lindsay Graham is running for reelection and his primary opponent publicly called him 'ambiguously gay." Republican politicians do not like ambiguously gay. It makes things too complicated at the rest stop." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like if King Midas touched a turd (it has nothing to do with a woman named Jolene)

We are celebrating the $355 million penalty in Trump’s New York civil fraud trial, which found him guilty of illegally inflating his assets, among other crimes. Because the ruling comes with back interest, Trump really owes the state of New York $454 million. Obviously, Trump needs cash fast. So he’s getting into foot stuff. Trump recently launched “Never Surrender” limited-edition sneakers, selling for $399 a pop. Yes, they are a bold fashion statement. It’s like if King Midas touched a turd. —Stephen Colbert

Trump continues to brag about being responsible for overturning Roe v Wade, despite the unpopularity of that decision, as evidenced by public outcry over a recent Alabama supreme court decision declaring IVF embryos “human beings” with equal protection under the law. The South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham, speaking on Fox News, evidenced the Republican position by trying to distance the ruling from the supreme court’s decision to overturn Roe in 2022. Saying this has nothing to do with Republicans is like saying Dolly Parton’s song Jolene has nothing to do with a woman named Jolene. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It makes things too complicated at the rest stop (Some of the most prestigious a**hole factories in America)

"Lindsay Graham is running for reelection and his primary opponent publicly called him 'ambiguously gay." Republican politicians do not like ambiguously gay. It makes things too complicated at the rest stop." –Bill Maher

"Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?" –Bill Maher

Let's get right to the big story. Becky from Full House might go to jail for cheating her kids into college. I have shocking news for everyone here tonight. Rich people cheat and their kids are fucking stupid. 50 people have been charged in this massive scheme to bribe coaches and administration officials so their kids could get into elite colleges, and the schools involved we're talking about Yale, Stanford, Georgetown. Some of the most prestigious asshole factories in America. --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He got on the wrong bus, and ended up taking a gambling junket to Atlantic City (I lent it to Lindsay Graham)

"They're talking about a re-vote primary where people would mail in their ballots. That's a great idea, combining the reliability of the people in Florida who count the ballots with the efficiency of the Post Office. What could go wrong there?" --Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama had another big debate last night. It was good. And Clinton accused Obama of plagiarism. Obama denied that what he did was plagiarism. You know, look, I don't want to comment on that. But you've gotta admit, wouldn't it be great to one day have a president that could pronounce words like 'plagiarism'?" --Jay Leno

"Florida officials are still in a panic over yesterday's big power outage. You hear about that? A huge power outage. They were on the phone today with President Bush saying, 'We know it wasn't supposed to happen until Election Day. We don't know what happened. It was premature.'" --Jay Leno

"I don't want to say John McCain is old, but yesterday he got on the wrong bus, and ended up taking a gambling junket to Atlantic City." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It would be a real shame if something happened to your package (old man orgy)

April 2022

 And in non-Oscar news, Madison Cawthorn said in a recent interview that 70 year-old republicans invited him to an orgy and did cocaine in front of him. Wait. So you went to the old man orgy? And you thought the weird part was drugs? —Colin Jost

Senator Lindsay Graham, seen here picturing the orgy that Madison Cawthorn was at, said that Ketanji Brown Jackson is a person of exceptionally good character but would not support her for the Supreme Court. So like many Southern gentlemen he’s comfortable with black folks until they try to move in next door. —Colin Jost

Workers at the Adamson Warehouse in Staten Island voted to become the first Amazon workers in the country to form a Union. The new Union explains Amazon’s new slogan, ‘It would be a real shame if something happened to your package.’ —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It makes things too complicated at the rest stop (you can get away with pretty much anything)

"Lindsay Graham is running for reelection and his primary opponent publicly called him 'ambiguously gay." Republican politicians do not like ambiguously gay. It makes things too complicated at the rest stop." –Bill Maher

"They say that Japan's rigorous building codes and regulations saved thousands of lives. Or as Republicans here saw it, it fostered a socialist anti-business environment that's worse than being dead." –Bill Maher

"Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?" –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It makes things too complicated at the rest stop (you'd patriotically shut up and let it happen)

March 2014

"There is actually a fourth possibility that Republicans are putting forward, that the plane went down because it was emboldened by Obama's weakness. That apparently is their answer for everything. In fact on Fox and Friends, Steve Doocy said it was a strange coincidence that Obama has a daughter named Malaysia." –Bill Maher

"The Russians took over Crimea and Republicans know who to blame: Obama. Yes, it all happened because Obama is weak, unlike warrior king Mitt Romney. It never would have happened under him." –Bill Maher

"John McCain wrote an op-ed in the New York Times and said Obama has made America look weak because he is not decisive. Right, decisive. You know, once you have picked Sarah Palin as your vice president, decisions aren't something we call you for as a phone-a-friend." –Bill Maher

"Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?" –Bill Maher

"Lindsay Graham is running for reelection and his primary opponent publicly called him 'ambiguously gay." Republican politicians do not like ambiguously gay. It makes things too complicated at the rest stop." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It makes things too complicated at the rest stop (a daughter named Malaysia)

March 2014

"There is actually a fourth possibility that Republicans are putting forward, that the plane went down because it was emboldened by Obama's weakness. That apparently is their answer for everything. In fact on Fox and Friends, Steve Doocy said it was a strange coincidence that Obama has a daughter named Malaysia." –Bill Maher

"The Russians took over Crimea and Republicans know who to blame: Obama. Yes, it all happened because Obama is weak, unlike warrior king Mitt Romney. It never would have happened under him." –Bill Maher

"John McCain wrote an op-ed in the New York Times and said Obama has made America look weak because he is not decisive. Right, decisive. You know, once you have picked Sarah Palin as your vice president, decisions aren't something we call you for as a phone-a-friend." –Bill Maher

"Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?" –Bill Maher

"Lindsay Graham is running for reelection and his primary opponent publicly called him 'ambiguously gay." Republican politicians do not like ambiguously gay. It makes things too complicated at the rest stop." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito (Yeah, how's that feel?)

June 2103

"The Supreme Court struck down the part of the Voting Rights Act which protected minority voting in areas where it needed to be protected. Their reasoning, as Judge Roberts said, is that we don't need it anymore. Racism is basically over in America, so let's get back to talking about Trayvon Martin and Paula Dean." –Bill Maher

"That Edward Snowden dude got out of Hong Kong, flew to Russia, has been in the Russian airport the whole week, but still no one can find him. When Sarah Palin today heard that he may be incognito, she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito." –Bill Maher

"Texas state Senator Wendy Davis single-handedly stopped a draconian abortion bill from getting passed in the Texas state legislature, stood up their filibustering for 12 hours. So I guess Todd Akin was right – women can shut that whole thing down." –Bill Maher

"The Supreme Court has ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Here in West Hollywood, the gay community was out in the streets kissing each other, they went dancing, they closed up traffic. And then they heard about the ruling." –Bill Maher

"Not everyone is taking advantage of the new law. John McCain and Lindsay Graham announced today that they're going to continue living secret lives of quiet desperation." –Bill Maher 

"Christian conservatives are furious about this. This has made them defensive. They say they are not bigots because they're against gay marriage. Now they say they're being bullied, demonized, and discriminated against. Yeah, how's that feel?" –Bill Maher

"The a**hole douchebag who runs Chick-Fil-A tweeted his disgust about the ruling. He said it was a sad day for the nation. Because gay sex is just icky. He said if you want something disgusting and unnatural lodged in your colon, it better be one of his sandwiches." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”