It didn’t rise to the level of cannibalism (That's the neat thing. We don't)

“Overall, it’s clear that Donald Trump’s defense team isn’t even denying that he did what he’s accused of, they just say it doesn’t rise to the level of impeachment, which is like Jeffery Dahmer arguing it didn’t rise to the level of cannibalism.” —Jimmy Kimmel

Meanwhile, in our nation’s capital, our elected officials had a late night of work. After seven hours of debating, they voted to approve a resolution that would rid the country eventually of Obamacare. Can you imagine, the senators finally worked until 1:30 in the morning, and it was for this? How would Congress like it if we all met in the middle of the night and voted to take THEIR healthcare away? –Jimmy Kimmel

"The star of the debate was Herman Cain. He didn't talk much because the debate was about national defense and his area of expertise is pizza." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was really just a potluck that got out of hand (Are we supposed to believe that was a coincidence?)

June 2022

“Members of The Late Show production team were detained while filming near the U.S. Capitol last week. My staff was in Washington to shoot Triumph the Insult Comic Dog interviewing members of Congress about the January 6th hearings. Triumph is a bipartisan puppy. He’s so neutral, he’s neutered. My staff were all detained, processed and released. A very unpleasant experience for my staff, a lot of paperwork for the Capitol Police, but a fairly simple story — until the next night, when a couple of the TV people started claiming that my puppet squad had committed insurrection at the U.S. Capitol building. This was first-degree puppetry; this was high jinks with intent to goof; misappropriation of an old Conan’ bit.” —Stephen Colbert

“The Capitol Police are much more cautious than they were, say, 18 months ago, and for a very good reason. If you don’t know what that reason is, I know what news network you watch.” —Stephen Colbert

“After all, Thursday night, the night they were detained, was the 50th anniversary of the Watergate break-in. Are we supposed to believe that was a coincidence? Yes.” —Stephen Colbert

“As the committee will detail, the Trump administration planned to send fake electors from the states Biden won to the declare themselves the ‘real’ electors, via false electoral college certificates. Did they really think that was going to work? Why not just have the former president show up to the inauguration in a rubber Joe Biden mask and try to fool Justice Roberts into swearing him in again?” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump also tried to downplay his failed coup, by referring to January 6th in his speech as a ‘simple protest that got out of hand’, and complained that people ignored ‘the size of the crowd – I believe that it was the largest number of people I’ve ever spoken to.’ Who cares about the size of the damn crowd! That’s like Jeffrey Dahmer saying ‘I know I murdered a bunch of people, but look how many leftovers I have. It was really just a potluck that got out of hand.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

when they got to the White House, the president was still black (what I like to call the moron trifecta)

October 2013

"New Rule: If you get salmonella because of the government shutdown and die, then John Boehner has to come to your funeral. How can he resist? Funerals have the two things he loves the most: crying and an open bar." – Bill Maher

"New Rule: Bill O'Reilly has to tell us why he's always thinking about murder. Yes, since Obama was elected Bill O'Reilly has written three books about killing major historical figures. And Bill, I agree - how tragic that Kennedy, Lincoln and Jesus, these heroic, liberal, social reformers, had to die after being vilified by panicky, backwards-looking conservative blowhards. You surely did a great service pointing this out, and I look forward to your new children's book… Killing the Cat in the Hat." –Bill Maher

"Republicans' Thanksgiving is a little different; before eating they go around the table and everybody says what they're hateful for." –Bill Maher

"There are these people they're calling 'debt ceiling deniers' – Republicans who have decided that, unlike every economist on the entire planet, maybe defaulting on our debt would be a good thing. First they didn't believe in evolution, then they didn't believe in global warming, and now the debt ceiling; what I like to call the 'moron trifecta.'" –Bill Maher

"Yesterday John Boehner led a group of 20 Republicans to see President Obama. Unfortunately when they got to the White House, the president was still black." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s like Jeffrey Dahmer calling his cannibalism a ‘whoops-a-nibble.’ (Hey Look. Russia!)

May 2021

“Uh-oh, Matt Gaetz is screwed, and this time he doesn’t have to Venmo anyone, because his old buddy Greenberg has now publicly admitted to paying women for commercial sex acts for himself and other men. Commercial sex acts makes it sound like there were sponsors, and nothing kills the mood like being mid-action and having to stop for: ‘This coke-fueled orgy, brought to you by ZipRecruiter, the No. 1 resource for hiring talent, other than sliding into their DMs.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Yikes, I’d say Matt Gaetz should lay low for a while, but no matter how low he lays, you can still see the top of his head. He’d make a terrible Whac-a-Mole.” —Seth Meyers

“Now, we don’t know what this means for Matt Gaetz yet, but he could be charged any minute. Just ask this actual plane banner someone flew over the courthouse today, reading, ‘Tick tock Matt Gaetz.’ Which is ironic, since TikTok is where he finds most of his dates.” —Stephen Colbert

“Gaetz, for his part, doesn’t seem to get what all the fuss is about. On Saturday, he told a crowd of Republican activists, ‘I’m being falsely accused of exchanging money for naughty favors.’ Naughty favors? Spoken like a man who doesn’t really grasp the severity of having sex with a minor. That’s like Jeffrey Dahmer calling his cannibalism a ‘whoops-a-nibble.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If we convict Trump, we must convict nature herself (That’s like acquitting Jeffrey Dahmer because he’s full)

January 2021

“So you just want to let him off scot-free for insurrection because he’s no longer in power? That’s like acquitting Jeffrey Dahmer because he’s full.” —Stephen Colbert

“Violent seditionists and white supremacists and militia members stormed the Capitol building and tried to overthrow democracy. We have to do something about that so it doesn’t happen again. Instead, Republican leaders are talking about Trump’s base the way park rangers talk about bears on a campground: ‘Don’t make eye contact, move away slowly, and if worst comes to worst, let ‘em eat your hot dogs — they’re just hot dogs.’” —Seth Meyers

“In fact, you can argue that you have to convict Trump because if there is no consequence for trying to overthrow the government, then every president will just try it on their way out of office. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? ‘Sack the Capitol, boys! Oh, it didn’t work? Well, I shot my shot. See you guys in four years, everybody.’” —Trevor Noah

“The GOP is supposed to be the party of personal responsibility. Isn’t that their thing? But as soon as their members do something wrong, they start talking like Buddhists – ‘when you think of the oneness of all things, then Donald Trump is as guilty as the blooming flower or the flowing river. If we convict Trump, we must convict nature herself.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

O.J. is at home going, "I agree with that." (it didn’t rise to the level of cannibalism)

“Mitch McConnell and Senate Republicans keep saying that they’re following the template established by the Clinton trial two decades ago even though this trial is very different. Bill Clinton had sex with one person, Donald Trump screwed a whole country.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Some Trump team members have gone as far as to encourage forgetting the past altogether: ‘What happened in the past, we should just ignore,’ Trump’s lawyer Jay Sekulow said. Right. OJ is at home going, I agree with that.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Overall, it’s clear that Trump’s defense team isn’t even denying that he did what he’s accused of, they just say it doesn’t rise to the level of impeachment, which is like Jeffery Dahmer arguing it didn’t rise to the level of cannibalism.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Don't mess with me pal. I used to eat guys like you for breakfast (They say that’s one of the worst ways to go)

Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was attacked and killed by another inmate this week. Just before the fight Dahmer threatened, “Hey don't mess with me pal. I used to eat guys like you for breakfast.” --Norm Macdonald, SNL

Jeffrey Dahmer is going on trial and I don't like his chances. I don't like his defense at the trial. He's up on charges of murdering and cannibalizing 17 people. I don't like his defense. His defense is that they started it. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

Serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was murdered in prison. He was broomstick raped to death. They say that’s one of the worst ways to go. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Let's say Jeffrey Dahmer came to your bar mitzvah (F**k that guy)

"You know those correspondents' dinners that they have in Washington? The media gets a chance for one night to put aside its cozy relationship with the government for one that is instead nauseatingly sycophantic. You'll recall from last year they don't like it much when the entertainment -- what's the word I'm looking for -- pisses on them. Anyway, they had another dinner last night and this time the entertainment was much more to their liking [on screen: Karl Rove rapping]. Let's say Jeffrey Dahmer came to your bar mitzvah, and turned out that he was a great dancer. He's still Jeffrey Dahmer." --Jon Stewart

"I wonder if I could do something like that. Chuck, can you give me a beat? [music starts]. From the West Wing to the Crawford Ranch, Karl Rove has destroyed the executive branch. He has no scruples and I don't mean maybe. He said John McCain had a secret black baby. F**k that guy." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”