Apple just released a new app that lets you read books with your kids on your TV. Or as dads put it, “Yeah, this ‘book’ is about the Patriots-Seahawks game, and it’s a thriller.” –Jimmy Fallon
Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon
A plane in India had to make an emergency landing after a passenger found out her husband was cheating on her mid-flight. The passengers were like, “Finally, some good in-flight entertainment!” –Jimmy Fallon
Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning said yesterday he’s going to need to get his hip replaced. Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show. –Conan O’Brien
"The Super Bowl this year will be played in Governor Chris Christie's home state of New Jersey. It's a state that lately has gotten used to 300-pound guys blocking things." –Conan O'Brien
"Tom Brady says he wants to give the truck he was given as the Super Bowl MVP to the guy who won the Super Bowl for the Patriots. So Brady's giving his truck to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll." –Conan O'Brien
Justin Timberlake says there will be no 'N Sync reunion during the Super Bowl. The Patriots are upset because now it means they’ll be the most hated guys on the field. --Conan O’Brien
Nintendo is releasing a video game that lets you simulate taking care of a baby. When they heard this, gamers said, “Hey, call me when you have one that simulates MAKING one.” –Conan O’Brien
"Tom Brady says he wants to give the truck he was given as the Super Bowl MVP to the guy who won the Super Bowl for the Patriots. So Brady's giving his truck to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll." –Conan O'Brien
J.K. Rowling will publish another Harry Potter book this summer and in this one, Harry is a father. Until chapter three, when Maury Povich shows up. –Conan O’Brien
"A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it's so big, it can do the work of two babies." –Conan O'Brien
“President Trump was not happy with how it went yesterday. They say the last time he was this mad was when he found out there was a Donald Trump Jr.” —Jimmy Kimmel
On Sunday someone inside the Trump administration for the second time leaked his private work schedule which, again, looked very light. According to the schedule, Trump spends the first five hours of every day on what they call executive time. They call it executive time because chicken fingers and cartoon time doesn’t sound great when you say it out loud. --Jimmy Kimmel
"It wasn't much of a Super Bowl game. The Seahawks beat the Broncos 43-8. You know how after the game the winning players go to Disney World? Some of the Seahawks went halfway through the third quarter." –Jimmy Kimmel
"An amazing Super Bowl last evening. The New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks both defeated the Seattle Seahawks." –Seth Meyers
"Tom Brady was named Super Bowl MVP and was given a new Chevy truck. Brady says the truck handles great, especially after he let some air out of the tires." –Seth Meyers
A man ate 409 chicken wings to become champion of Philadelphia’s Wing Bowl over the weekend, which was unfortunately too many words to fit on his tombstone. –Seth Meyers
The Harry Potter Studio Tour just announced that it's hosting a Valentine's Day dinner in the Great Hall from Hogwarts. It's great for couples, or for single guys who claim their date is wearing an “invisibility cloak.” –Jimmy Fallon
"Yesterday the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks advanced to the big game, which means this year’s Super Bowl will have teams from the two states where recreational marijuana is legal. Or as pizza delivery men put it, 'Pray for us.'" –Jimmy Fallon
Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over the trademark of the name “Kylie.” Yeah, the judge called the case “not why I went to law school.” –Jimmy Fallon
"Kim Jong Il just turned 70 years old — but he doesn't look a day over crazy." –Craig Ferguson
"People sometimes forget that George Washington was very rich, had a pony tail, and grew hemp on his farm. He was America's original Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson
"Well done, Seattle. I think they needed this to cement their reputation. Before last night, the meanest guy from Seattle was 'Frasier.'" –Craig Ferguson
"Poor Denver Broncos. Experts said they haven't seen something crushed like that in New Jersey since Chris Christie's bean bag chair." –Craig Ferguson
"On Saturday before the Super Bowl, Peyton Manning received the NFL's MVP award for the season. Yeah, unfortunately it was immediately intercepted by a Seahawk." –Conan O'Brien
"Let's talk about the big game yesterday. The Seahawks beat the Broncos 43-8. The Broncos are blaming it on a traffic study." –David Letterman
"The final score was 43-8. At least that's what people told me when I woke up." –David Letterman
"How about that Super Bowl? Some of you may expect me to make jokes about the Broncos. I won't do that. To me it's just beating a dead horse." –Craig Ferguson
"Well done, Seattle. I think they needed this to cement their reputation. Before last night, the meanest guy from Seattle was 'Frasier.'" –Craig Ferguson
"Poor Broncos. Experts said they haven't seen something crushed like that in New Jersey since Chris Christie's beanbag chair." –Craig Ferguson
"The Broncos looked so bad, even the L.A. Lakers said, 'This is kind of embarrassing to watch.' Peyton Manning had such a bad night that Tim Tebow said, 'I could have done that.'" –Craig Ferguson
"Did you all see that game yesterday? Was that the worst Super Bowl ever? It was 43 to 8. The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet was more competitive than that. The Broncos couldn't move the ball. The last time I saw a Bronco going that slow, OJ was driving it through L.A." –Jay Leno
"While he was at the game, Governor Chris Christie was up to his old tricks. It turns out he blocked three lines at the concession stand." –Jay Leno
"It wasn't much of a Super Bowl game. The Seahawks beat the Broncos 43-8. You know how after the game the winning players go to Disney World? Some of the Seahawks went halfway through the third quarter." –Jimmy Kimmel
"The Super Bowl was on Fox, so the traditional pre-game sit-down with President Obama went to Bill O'Reilly. The interview got off to a rocky start. O'Reilly asked Obama, 'Where you were born was football played with your feet?' And it went downhill from there." –Jimmy Kimmel
"At the end of the interview O'Reilly said he thinks Obama's 'heart is in the right place.' What does that mean? That's basically saying that I don't think he's destroying America intentionally." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Yesterday the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks advanced to the big game, which means this year’s Super Bowl will have teams from the two states where recreational marijuana is legal. Or as pizza delivery men put it, 'Pray for us.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday party supposedly went all the way until 2 a.m. on Saturday. Which explains why on Sunday, Barack expanded healthcare to include Gatorade and Tylenol." –Jimmy Fallon
I have been working on a paper for the Education Market. The paper talks about using video games as a teaching tool for children with learning disabilities. The age demographic would be 8 to 18. Games could be up to the teacher or student to choose. Games might include soccer, football, basketball, etc.
Students could learn about various historical or fictional characters and create them as players for their team. It would allow the student to study history, philosophy, religion, sports, popular culture, etc. and then create the characters to be a part of their team. The students would even be able to play alongside their created characters.
On some of the teams historical figures like Martin Luther King, and Abraham Lincoln will play on the same team with authors like Ernest Hemingway and William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
The process is meant to be a simple and fun way for kids to learn subjects such as world history, literature, poetry, art, music, science and vocabulary. Maybe PS4/XBOX machines might be donated or discounted to schools for these classes. More on the paper as it is fleshed out. Enjoy the simulations.
Also for sentimental reasons, some fallen friends and family are on this team. Semper Fi. May you rest in peace.
On the Indianapolis Colts
Former Colt players, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Dwight Freeney, Robert Mathis, Bob Sanders, Andrew Luck, T.Y. Hilton
LT Paul McCartney, musician The Beatles
LT Nelson Mandela, South African leader
LG Jesus Christ, some folks Lord and Savior
LG Ringo Starr, musician The Beatles
C Charles Bukowski, poet
C Muddy Waters, musician
RG God
RG Winston Churchill, English Prime Minister
RT John Lennon, musician The Beatles
RT George Harrison, musician The Beatles
TE/DT Clay Brannon, boy wonder
WR/DE Jeremiah Brewster, wonder boy
DT Army, Jack Renforth (RIP), TE Paul Bantley (RIP), HB/LB G. Hulse, Army, HB J. Purkey, Navy, T.F., Marines, David Wood, Marines, Ian Betts, Navy
More Colts players include Martin Luther King, Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, as well as characters from Star Trek…
Jeanluc Picard, Cmndr Worf, Cmdr Data, James Kirk, Mr Spock, Jonathan Archer, Cmdr Tuvok, Geordi LaForge, Ben Sisko, etc.
I have been working on a
paper for the Education Market.
The paper talks about using
video games as a teaching tool for
children with learning
disabilities.
The age demographic would be
8 to 18. Games could be up to the teacher or student to chose. Games might
include soccer, football, basketball, etc.
Students could learn about
various historical or fictional characters and create them as players for their
team. It would allow the student to study history, philosophy, religion,
sports, popular culture, etc. and then create the characters to be a part of
their team. The students would even be able to play along side their created
characters.
In this example I used PS4
Madden 17. On some of the teams historical figures like Martin Luther King, and
Abraham Lincoln will play on the same team with authors like Ernest Hemingway
and William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
The process is meant to be a
simple and fun way for kids to learn
subjects such as world
history, literature, poetry, art, music, science and vocabulary.
Maybe PS4/XBOX machines might
be donated or discounted to schools for these classes.
More on the paper as it is
fleshed out. Enjoy the simulations.
On the Indianapolis Colts
Former Colt players, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Dwight
Freeney, Robert Mathis, Bob Sanders
Offensive Line
LT Paul McCartney,
musician The Beatles
LT Nelson Mandela,
South African leader
LG Jesus, some folks
Lord and Savior
LG Ringo Starr,
musician The Beatles
C Charles Bukowski,
poet
C Muddy Waters,
musician
RG God
RG Winston Churchill,
English Prime Minister
RT John Lennon,
musician The Beatles
RT George Harrison,
musician The Beatles
TE/DT Clay Brannon, boy
wonder
WR/DE Jeremiah Brewster,
wonder boy
DT Army, Jack Renforth
(RIP), TE Paul Bantley (RIP)
HB/LB G. Hulse, Army, HB J.
Purkey, Navy
More Colts players include
Martin Luther King, Stephen
Hawking, Albert Einstein
characters from Star Trek
Jeanluc Picard, Cmndr Worf,
Cmdr Data, James Kirk,
Mr Spock, Jonathan Archer,
Cmdr Tuvok, Geordi LaForge
Ben Sisko
and fictional characters
Jack Bauer, 24, played by
Keifer Sutherland
Nate Fisher, Six Feet Under,
played by Peter Krause
Also for sentimental reasons,
some fallen friends and family are on this team. Semper Fi. May you rest in
peace.
Seattle Seahawks Fantasy
Roster
Offense
QB Russell Wilson, NFL
HB Jeff Tracy, The
Thunderbirds, played by Bill Paxton
HB Tom Mason, Falling
Skies, played by Noah Wyle
HB Marshawn Lynch, NFL
FB John McClane, Die
Hard, played by Bruce Willis
WR Doug Baldwin, NFL
WR Jimmy Dore,
comedian, political activist
WR Nelson Mandela,
South African political leader
WR Malcolm X, civil
rights leader
WR Tyler Durden, Fight
Club, played by Brad Pitt
TE Thomas Shelby, Peaky
Blinders, played by Cillian Murphy
TE Jimmy Graham, NFL
TE Luke Willson, NFL
LT Terry Jeffords,
Brooklyn 99, played by Terry Crews
LG Keyser Soze, The
Usual Suspects
C Ethan Hunt, Mission
Impossible, played by Tom Cruise
RG Steve Biko, South
African political leader
Defense
LE Michael Bennett, NFL
LE Jackie Robinson, MLB
LE Xander Cage, xXx,
played by Vin Diesel
LE Ice Cube, musician
RE Incredible Hulk, The
Avengers, played by Mark Ruffalo
RE Angus MacGyver,
MacGyver, played by Richard Dean Anderson
RE Lucious Vorenus,
Rome, played by Kevin McKidd
RE Cliff Avril, NFL
DT Cmndr Worf, Star
Trek, played by Michael Dorn
DT Cortez Kennedy, NFL
DT Martin Luther King,
civil rights leaders
DT Fats Domino,
musician
LB Max Brunk, surfing
legend
LB Malcolm Reynolds,
Firefly, played by Nathan Fillion
LB Thurgood Marshall,
Supreme Court justice
LB Bobby Wagner, NFL
LB Justin Hampton, boy
wonder
LB John Shaft, Shaft,
played by Samuel L. Jackson
LB Joseph Campbell,
mythologist
LB Luther Lavay, Any
Given Sunday, played by Lawrence Taylor
LB Muddy Waters,
musician
LB Cmndr Tuvok, Star
Trek, played by Tim Russ
CB Richard Sherman, NFL
CB Muhammad Ali, boxing
CB Night Train Lane,
NFL
CB Bo Diddley, musician
CB Miles Davis,
musician
CB Brandon Browner, NFL
FS Earl Thomas III, NFL
FS Shepherd Book,
Firefly, played by Ron Glass
FS Simon Tam, Firefly,
played by Sean Maher
SS Cam Chancellor, NFL
SS Crispus Attucks,
American Revolution
SS Clifford Brown,
musician
Special Teams
K Stephen Hawking,
physicist
PJack Ryan, Patriot
Games, played by Harrison Ford
I want to say happy
birthday to Prince Charles, who turned 68 today. His friends got him a cake,
which was nice until Queen Elizabeth popped out of it and shouted, “Still
here!” –Jimmy Fallon
Apple just released
a new app that lets you read books with your kids on your TV. Or as dads put
it, “Yeah, this ‘book’ is about the Patriots-Seahawks game, and it’s a
thriller.” –Jimmy Fallon
During the
interview last night on “60 Minutes,” Donald Trump said, “I’m a very sober
person.” After hearing this, half of America said, “So were we, until last
Tuesday.” –Conan O’Brien
"Tom Brady says he wants to give the truck he was given as
the Super Bowl MVP to the guy who won the Super Bowl for the Patriots. So
Brady's giving his truck to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll." –Conan O'Brien
"Health officials are saying the number of measles cases
that originated in Disneyland continues to grow. Which is why this year after
the game the Super Bowl MVP shouted, 'No way am I going to Disneyland!'"
–Conan O'Brien
"Hillary Clinton is weighing in on the measles outbreak.
She tweeted: 'The Earth is round, the sky is blue, and vaccines work.' She
didn't stop there. She also tweeted, 'Fire is hot, ice is cold, and the
Seahawks should have handed the ball off to Marshawn Lynch.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"The CDC announced that there are currently 102 measles
cases in the U.S. Some say it's because people aren't vaccinating their
children. You can tell things are getting bad. Today Disneyland opened a new
ride called 'It's a Smallpox World.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Remember that dancing shark from Katy Perry's Super Bowl
halftime show? A guy in Colorado actually got a tattoo of the shark. That story
again: Weed is still legal in Colorado." –Jimmy Fallon
"An amazing Super Bowl last evening. The New England
Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks both defeated the Seattle Seahawks."
–Seth Meyers
"It really was an incredible game. And even though the
Patriots won, you really have to hand it to Marshawn Lynch. Don't think about
it. Just hand it to Marshawn Lynch." –Seth Meyers
"Tom Brady was named Super Bowl MVP and was given a new
Chevy truck. Brady says the truck handles great, especially after he let some
air out of the tires." –Seth Meyers
"Mitt Romney announced that he is no longer considering
running for president in 2016. As opposed to those other guys who forgot about
running — the Seattle Seahawks." –Jimmy Fallon
"In addition to being the winning Super Bowl quarterback,
Tom Brady now has a brand-new pickup truck. I guess we'll have to sit through
the whole thing about whether his tires are properly inflated." –Jimmy
Fallon
"It
wasn't much of a Super Bowl game. The Seahawks beat the Broncos 43-8. You know
how after the game the winning players go to Disney World? Some of the Seahawks
went halfway through the third quarter." –Jimmy Kimmel
"The Olympics start Friday and Russia's implementing the
most intensive security in Olympics history. The government will monitor every
email. They will monitor every social media message and they will listen in on
every phone call. In fact, people are now comparing Russia to the United
States. That's how bad it is." –Jay Leno
"Today, the Olympic torch arrived in Sochi. But Vladimir
Putin immediately put it out because he thought it was too flaming."
–Conan O'Brien
