It's not you, it's I-95 (a body has already washed up onshore)

According to a new study, men who live near heavily used roads are more likely to have trouble achieving an erection due to pollution exposure. Said one man, "It's not you, it's I-95." --Seth Meyers

Officials have announced that Manhattan will be getting its first public beach in 2022. And even though it's three years away, a body has already washed up onshore. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well that explains the ******** (she was nowhere near Chile)

Meanwhile a former Democrat donor claims Joe Biden was put on drugs before campaign events. Well that explains the erection. —Greg Gutfeld

Off the coast of Chile a kayaker was caught on camera being swallowed by a humpback whale, prompting Joy Behar to say, that she was nowhere near Chile. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Somewhere, there’s a man out there wondering why he can see so clearly out of his p*nis (from time to time he did get a bit snippy)

A man in Vietnam was hospitalized after doctors realized that he had a pair of scissors in his digestive system that had been left there by a previous surgery that he had 18 years ago. I mean this guy is so lucky. Come on, free scissors! The sad part is after they sewed him up the second time the doctor was like wait, where's my watch? Amazingly, he rarely suffered any pain over those 18 years. But from time to time he did get a bit snippy. –James Corden

This story got our attention. A woman in Scotland was recently prescribed an eye cream, and she went home and used it before realizing that she had mistakenly been given erectile dysfunction cream. They mixed up the medications. Which means, somewhere, there’s a man out there wondering why he can see so clearly out of his penis. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

cab drivers are just being asked to keep all four wheels on the ground (gear shift problems)

A bill has been introduced that would reduce the speed limit in New York City to 25 miles per hour, while cab drivers are just being asked to keep all four wheels on the ground.--Seth Meyers

Maserati recently announced a recall for more than 13,000 cars because of a gear shift problem. Coincidentally, a “gear shift problem” is what prompts most men to buy a Maserati in the first place. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Good news for people with glaucoma as well as people with “glaucoma.” (one of us would become a warlord)

Congress this weekend ended the federal government’s ban on medical marijuana. Good news for people with glaucoma as well as people with “glaucoma.” –Seth Meyers

“And according to new research, taking the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra could decrease the risk of developing Alzheimer’s. Which is great, because there’s nothing worse than getting an erection and forgetting why.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, that's catchy (...and forgetting why)

The House passed a Republican tax bill today, which was great news for everyone from the super wealthy all the way down to that's it. –Seth Meyers

“And according to new research, taking the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra could decrease the risk of developing Alzheimer’s. Which is great, because there’s nothing worse than getting an erection and forgetting why.” —Seth Meyers

President Trump today denied a Washington Post report that he was considering rescinding his nomination of Supreme Court justice Neil Gorsuch. Prior to his confirmation, calling it, you guessed it, fake news. Hey, man, you're burning out your own catch phrase. Pretty soon you're going to need a new catch phrase, like "It's golfing time." Or "I hereby resign from the presidency of the United States." Oh, that's catchy. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The man has an attention span of a baby goldfish swimming in a bowl full of Four Loko (that sounds like something Rudy Giuliani would do by accident)

“Donald Trump, who didn’t attend his fraud trial in New York on Thursday, where he faces charges of deceiving banks, insurers and others by providing financial statements that greatly exaggerated his wealth. New York’s attorney general, Letitia James, is seeking $250m in penalties and a ban on Trump doing business in the state. The former president reportedly got frustrated on Wednesday and left halfway through the day’s proceedings, as if it was Don Jr’s 10th birthday party or something. Of course he left. Do we actually expect him to sit here and listen to testimony in court day after day? The man has an attention span of a baby goldfish swimming in a bowl full of Four Loko.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Furthermore, the GOP infighting has gotten so intense and so personal that Republicans are starting to make salacious allegations about each other on television. A republican congressman told CNN that Matt Gaetz had bragged to his House colleagues about the girls that he had slept with and how he would crush erectile dysunction medicine and chase it with an energy drink so he could go all night. Not only does Matt Gaetz definitely look like the spokesman for an ED medicine-infused energy drink, his name even has a Z that you know is on the can. As for the congressman’s claim of chasing the ED medicine with energy drinks – that sounds like something Rudy Giuliani would do by accident.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We don’t want to compromise our artistic integrity like that (there’s a man out there wondering why he can see so clearly out of his p*nis)

I have lived in Los Angeles for one year, and in that time Los Angeles has regained an NFL team, it started raining again after three years of drought, and they opened the city's first Dunkin' Donuts. Now look, I can't take credit for all of those, but I'm definitely taking credit for that Dunkin' Donuts. That was all me. –James Corden

This story got our attention. A woman in Scotland was recently prescribed an eye cream, and she went home and used it before realizing that she had mistakenly been given erectile dysfunction cream. They mixed up the medications. Which means, somewhere, there’s a man out there wondering why he can see so clearly out of his penis. --James Corden

It was announced that the B Street Band — a Bruce Springsteen cover band — that was booked for an inauguration gala has since decided to cancel out of respect for Springsteen’s opposition to Donald Trump. You know it’s bad when even a cover band is like, “We don’t want to compromise our artistic integrity like that.” –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

New England Journal of ‘Now Will You Wear a Mask, Uncle Gary?’ (He sounds the way hotdog water smells)

May 2021

“If the promise of unmasking wasn’t enough to convince people to get vaccinated, there’s new research showing that Covid may increase the chance of erectile dysfunction. The study was released in the prestigious New England Journal of ‘Now Will You Wear a Mask, Uncle Gary?’” —Stephen Colbert

“In February, Ted Cruz promised a crowd, in the style of a revivalist preacher: ‘Let me tell you this right now, Donald J. Trump ain’t going anywhere.’ First of all, there’s nothing more grating than Ted Cruz trying to fire up a crowd. He might actually have negative charisma. He sounds the way hotdog water smells.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s why you should never show ANYONE your birth certificate (And you thought Donald Trump hated him before)

April 2011

"It looks like Mitt Romney will run for president. He announced that he's forming an exploratory committee. Doesn't that sound like something every man should have after 50?" –Jay Leno

"The Federal Trade Commission says for the 11th year in a row the biggest consumer complaint is identity theft, which led President Obama to say, 'That’s why you should never show ANYONE your birth certificate.'" –Jay Leno

"No! Not Captain Buzzkill! Not the guy who looks like everyone who ever fired your dad! Romney's gonna suck all the fun right out of this crazy thing. Just look at the online video announcing his run. It looks like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction pills. 'Mitt Romney: for when the moment's right.'" –Jon Stewart on Mitt Romney running for president

"President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh, my God, I don't even have a costume yet (It's not you, it's I-95)

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft was seen at the Super Bowl victory party last night wearing a large diamond chain around his neck that said "champions." And Rob Gronkowski was seen wearing one that said, "If found, my address is 242 Maple Street." --Seth Meyers

Officials have announced that Manhattan will be getting its first public beach in 2022. And even though it's three years away, a body has already washed up onshore. --Seth Meyers

February is Black History Month. "Oh, my God, I don't even have a costume yet," said Virginia Governor Ralph Northam. --Seth Meyers

According to a new study, men who live near heavily used roads are more likely to have trouble achieving an erection due to pollution exposure. Said one man, "It's not you, it's I-95." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

When asked how he was treating it, the man said, "New pants." (Baxter?! Baxter!)

A woman running a marathon in Thailand reportedly found a lost puppy during the race and continued to carry the dog while running the remaining 19 miles. It...sounds nice, until you realize she just carried the puppy 19 miles further away from home. "Baxter?! Baxter! You don't think one of those runners picked up Baxter?" "Don't be ridiculous!" --Seth Meyers

A new study suggests that a parasite found in cat pee can be linked to schizophrenia. Finally, a reason to stop drinking cat pee. --Seth Meyers

And finally, a man in England claims that his penis swelled to the size of a wine bottle recently after fracturing his urethra. When asked how he was treating it, the man said, "New pants." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The viral marketing for Game of Thrones has gone too far! (Winter is Coming!)

This story got our attention. A woman in Scotland was recently prescribed an eye cream, and she went home and used it before realizing that she had mistakenly been given erectile dysfunction cream. They mixed up the medications. Which means, somewhere, there’s a man out there wondering why he can see so clearly out of his penis. --James Corden

Windchill temperatures are expected to reach minus 50 in Chicago and minus 60 in Minneapolis. I’m going to say it. The viral marketing for Game of Thrones has gone too far! We get it! Winter is Coming! --Stephen Colbert

Speaking of things that Trump hopes aren’t real: The Mueller investigation. Trump confidant Roger Stone has been indicted on seven charges, and today he pled not guilty to all of them. So he claims to be innocent, but his Richard Nixon back tattoo begs to differ. --Stephen Colbert

Great news. Scientists are working on a pill for loneliness. We already have one. It’s called Cinnabon. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Luckily, now he's got an excellent walking stick (I stand with the Los Angeles teachers)

President Trump on Twitter today continued to push for his proposed border wall saying, "A big new caravan is heading up to our southern border from Honduras." Oh, my God. That means the only thing between us and them is the border patrol, I.C.E., a fence, mountains, a river, Mexico, and Guatemala. --Seth Meyers

A man in his 50s recently experienced so-called debilitating night blindness after accidentally taking an entire bottle of sexual-dysfunction medicine. Which makes you wonder, what medicine did he mean to take an entire bottle of? That's right. He has debilitating night blindness from taking sexual-dysfunction medicine. Luckily, now he's got an excellent walking stick. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And doctors say that number could double if Hillary gets elected (a Bush administration victory announcement that actually came true)

"According to a new study, over 18 million American men currently suffer from erectile dysfunction. And doctors say that number could double if Hillary gets elected." --Jay Leno

"There's a big scandal going on in San Francisco. The mayor there, Gavin Newsom, has admitted to having an affair with his campaign manager's wife. The mayor announced he will enter rehab for alcohol abuse. I think the only reason this guy's going into rehab is to meet Lindsay Lohan." --Jay Leno

"Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice predicted that the Colts would win [the Super Bowl]. Isn't that unbelievable -- a Bush administration victory announcement that actually came true?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What are they hiding? (Viagra-like effects)

A Texas coffee company is recalling one of its roasts after male customers reported a “Viagra-like effect.” Wives are calling it the worst part of waking up. –Seth Meyers

On Friday, Sean Spicer resigned as White House press secretary. He wanted to spend more time not answering his family’s questions. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Go Bullfrogs! (poem)

Go Bullfrogs!

speaking on that subject…

I don’t know what to tell ya,

somedays it’s so fat

it’s almost hard to walk

and sometimes it’s so long it tickles

my kneecaps,

as it flops around my thighs,

and sometimes it’s somewhere in the middle,

and sometimes there might as well

be nothing

there at all.

Go Bullfrogs…

  

 http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It looks like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction

"Donald Trump insists that he is going to run for president. I guess he figures if he can pull off that hairstyle, he can do anything." –Jimmy Kimmel 



"It looks like Mitt Romney will run for president. He announced that he's forming an exploratory committee. Doesn't that sound like something every man should have after 50?" –Jay Leno



"No! Not Captain Buzzkill! Not the guy who looks like everyone who ever fired your dad! Romney's gonna suck all the fun right out of this crazy thing. Just look at the online video announcing his run. It looks like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction pills. 'Mitt Romney: for when the moment's right.'" –Jon Stewart on Mitt Romney running for president