How many people does he need to get him off? (There’s a reason they call it Palm Beach)

Robert Kraft was in a Florida massage parlor, where he was caught on camera getting a, let’s say “hand employment.” So, once again, the Patriots are embroiled in a scandal involving deflated balls. We shouldn’t be surprised. There’s a reason they call it Palm Beach. --Stephen Colbert

Robert Kraft has pleaded not guilty, and this weekend we learned that he has assembled a legal Dream Team, consisting of multiple high-profile Florida criminal defense attorneys. Multiple? How many people does he need to get him off? --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He won six Super Bowls and he needs more happy endings? (He said he was just deflating his balls)

"Mitt Romney had some bad publicity about that incident when he was a teenager and he and his gang chased down a gay kid and pinned him to the ground and cut his hair against his will. Well, it turned out that affected the polls. This week, Romney lost support from people who dislike bullies, jerks, and prep school a**holes. And he picked up the endorsement of George W. Bush." –Bill Maher

"Ron Paul did not endorse Mitt Romney, and this happens to a lot of people. They say his hatred for Romney comes from a phenomenon called 'meeting him.'" –Bill Maher

You know who got caught tonight, Robert Kraft. You know who that is? He is the owner of the New England Patriots. Kraft has been charged with soliciting prostitutes at a Florida massage parlor. A billionaire was at a rub-and-tug in Florida. Man he won six Super Bowls and he needs more happy endings? --Bill Maher

I always knew the Patriots were cheaters, but Kraft had an excuse. He said he was just deflating his balls. --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

There’s a reason they call it Palm Beach (The state of our uniom is strug!)

These investigations come on top of all the other investigations that are going on. Trump is currently being looked into by the special counsel, The US Attorney for the Southern District of New York, The FBI, The Marshall Tucker Band, The House Committee on Oversight and Reform, Molly Hatchet, The House Committee on Ways and Means, Lynyrd Skynyrd, The House Intelligence Committee, The Allman Brothers, the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, and many more! All the original artists! --Stephen Colbert

Robert Kraft was in a Florida massage parlor, where he was caught on camera getting a, let’s say “hand employment.” So, once again, the Patriots are embroiled in a scandal involving deflated balls. We shouldn’t be surprised. There’s a reason they call it Palm Beach. --Stephen Colbert

"The Army is pulling out of Rush Limbaugh. Meanwhile, they're staying in Afghanistan to negotiate with the Taliban, who evidently have a better track record on women's issues." –Stephen Colbert, on the U.S. Army pulling ads from Rush Limbaugh's radio show

The Trump administration wants to showcase what the country is like now that Republicans are in charge of everything. And they may have done just that, because they sent out these actual tickets to see the State of the Uniom. Now they’re reprinting the tickets, and they’re going to recall the old ones — which could be tough, because I’ve seen members of the Trump administration testify, and they can’t recall ANYTHING. But maybe, just maybe, it’s not a typo. He said he would change things. Maybe tomorrow WILL be the first State of the Uniom. “My fellow Anericams: With Doland Trunk as your predisent, every mang, woban, and chilm will know: The state of our uniom is strug!” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's the only college left that parents can't bribe their way into (He got off twice in one day)

President Trump this morning called former Vice President Joe Biden a low I.Q. individual. Wow. That -- that's got to hurt. I mean, Trump trying to pronounce "individual." --Seth Meyers

A retailer in Australia has created McDonald's Big Mac scented candle, because if there's one thing Big Mac lovers know how to do, it's light a match. --Seth Meyers

Well, some candidates do have some interesting ideas. Last night, Elizabeth Warren said she wants to get rid of the electoral college. When the president heard that, he was like, "We can't get rid of the electoral college. I picked them to go all the way in March Madness. They're gonna beat Duke!" But a lot of people want to get rid of the electoral college, which is too bad, because it's the only college left that parents can't bribe their way into. --Jimmy Fallon

Yeah, it looks like the prostitution charges against Robert Kraft are getting dropped, so good for him. He got off twice in one day. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We just told eight straight massage parlor jokes (Targeting your inner circle)

But the story got even seamier, when it came out that the founder of the massage parlor company, Cindy Yang, attended Trump’s Super Bowl party at Mar-a-Lago. Well, of course she went to Trump’s Super Bowl party. We know she was pulling for Bob Kraft. --Stephen Colbert

Cindy Yang also has multiple pictures of her with President Trump. She also has pictures of her posing with Don Jr. and Eric Trump. Proving she has experience dealing with little pricks. --Stephen Colbert

But this isn’t just a salacious story. National Security experts sat that Cindy Yang could pose a threat, presenting opportunities for espionage and blackmail targeting the president’s inner circle. Targeting your inner circle, also available at her massage parlors. --Stephen Colbert

Wow! We just told eight straight massage parlor jokes. That’s a new world record. So this sordid story really does have a happy ending. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

many of them want to throw Tucker Carlson into a volcano (There’s a reason they call it Palm Beach)

A few years ago Tucker Carlson was a regular guest on a radio show called Bubba the Love Sponge. One of the many things that Carlson said that have people upset, is that he called women “Primitive.” Sure, women are primitive. In that right now, many of them want to throw Tucker Carlson into a volcano. --Stephen Colbert

Robert Kraft was in a Florida massage parlor, where he was caught on camera getting a, let’s say “hand employment.” So, once again, the Patriots are embroiled in a scandal involving deflated balls. We shouldn’t be surprised. There’s a reason they call it Palm Beach. --Stephen Colbert

Robert Kraft has pleaded not guilty, and this weekend we learned that he has assembled a legal Dream Team, consisting of multiple high-profile Florida criminal defense attorneys. Multiple? How many people does he need to get him off? --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Batman turns 80 years old this month (Rat Orgy, Delaware)

Queen Elizabeth has posted her first ever picture on Instagram. Finally a chance for commoners to directly tell the queen, “Show feet.” --Colin Jost, SNL

A new survey lists the best city to live in in America is Boise, Idaho. While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware. --Colin Jost, SNL

Batman turns 80 years old this month which explains his new arch nemesis, Jamaican nurse. --Colin Jost, SNL

It was reported that President Trump watched the Super Bowl at Mar-a-Lago with  Li Yang, the woman who founded the chain of Asian Day Spas where Patriots owner Robert Kraft allegedly solicited a prostitute. First of all, what a time to be alive, huh? Second, you know that Trump spent all their time together trying to convince her to give up North Korea’s nuclear weapons. --Colin Jost, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

a supply of fresh teenage blood to keep Rupert Murdoch undead (massage parlor in Florida)

The big news from former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort was sentenced to four years in jail. Manafort got off pretty easy. He was supposed to get 19 to 24 years in prison. He got four years, otherwise known as the white guy discount. I haven't seen a Trump supporter get off that much since Robert Kraft went to that massage parlor in Florida. --Bill Maher

At least Trump is term-limited. We'll be living under the influence of Fox News as long as there's a supply of fresh teenage blood to keep Rupert Murdoch undead. --Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Don't beat yourself up/deflating his balls/happy endings?

Jussie Smollett allegedly paid two men thirty five hundred dollars to assault him for being black and gay, something he could have gotten for free in Texas. Jussie, you're probably feeling pretty bad right now. Don't beat yourself up. --Bill Maher

Boy what a day of scandals. R. Kelly today was indicted on ten counts of aggravated sexual abuse. Prosecutors say the evidence is so overwhelming he was named Archbishop of Philadelphia. --Bill Maher

You know who got caught tonight, Robert Kraft. You know who that is? He is the owner of the New England Patriots. Kraft has been charged with soliciting prostitutes at a Florida massage parlor. A billionaire was at a rub-and-tug in Florida. Man he won six Super Bowls and he needs more happy endings? --Bill Maher

I always knew the Patriots were cheaters, but Kraft had an excuse. He said he was just deflating his balls. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh, my God, I don't even have a costume yet (It's not you, it's I-95)

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft was seen at the Super Bowl victory party last night wearing a large diamond chain around his neck that said "champions." And Rob Gronkowski was seen wearing one that said, "If found, my address is 242 Maple Street." --Seth Meyers

Officials have announced that Manhattan will be getting its first public beach in 2022. And even though it's three years away, a body has already washed up onshore. --Seth Meyers

February is Black History Month. "Oh, my God, I don't even have a costume yet," said Virginia Governor Ralph Northam. --Seth Meyers

According to a new study, men who live near heavily used roads are more likely to have trouble achieving an erection due to pollution exposure. Said one man, "It's not you, it's I-95." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The integrity of the game and possible punishments for the New England Patriots

The integrity of the game and possible punishments for the New England Patriots, Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady..

Apparently the Patriots didn’t get the message the first time.

The New England Patriots are repeat offenders. They are repeat cheaters. 

Goodell has to send a message that cheating will be punished severely to assure everyone’s compliance and to obey the rules of the game.

This is a dangerous game. This is a collision game where large and powerful human bodies of flesh and bone are thrown into each other at great speed.

Resulting in brain damage, concussions, broken arms, dislocated fingers, elbows, shoulders. Torn ACLs, Torn MCLs. Herniated discs. Spinal injuries.

One of these days there is going to be a death. Or two.

We have men walking away from this game after playing in one hundred of these contests, or twenty of these contests, or ten of these contests that become a terror to their loved ones.

Many now they live out their remaining days in confusion and anger. Men who were once funny and kind end up putting a bullet in their head or their chest to ease their suffering.

Wives, sons and daughters now when they think of their husbands and fathers, the first word they think of is not, kindness, compassion or love,

instead the first word they think of is MONSTER.

This is what these men call competition and we watch it as sport.

Skin and bone. Where the metal meets the meat.

Once again, the integrity of the game. It is everything.

How long have the Patriots been doing this? One year? Two years? Ten years?

I remember a time twenty years ago, when I was in and out of the hospital after having tried to destroy myself a hundred times.

No food. No medicine. Little to no hope.

All I wanted out of life was to live on the farm, watch things grow and write my little stories.

I won’t be watching this “Super Bowl”. Not if Brady is allowed to play or Belichick is allowed to coach.

Suggested punishment…

New England Patriots (repeat offender). Loss of ALL 2015 draft picks.

Robert Kraft. 2 million fine.

Bill Belichick. 1 million fine. 1 year suspension.

Tom Brady. 1 million fine. 1 year suspension.

Do I have any faith that Roger Goodell will do the right thing?

Do you?

PS. Has anyone asked Kurt Warner how he feels about the Patriots stealing a second Super Bowl ring off his finger? Why did Roger Goodell destroy the evidence?