Yeah, bring your marshmallows (it happened right after he appeared on The View)

The Supreme Court upheld laws banning biological men from competing in female sports. Yet, one woman said it was a real kick in the balls. — Greg Gutfeld 

According to a report, a prominent AI chatbot has been telling its users that JD Vance has rabies. Sounds ridiculous, but not when you consider it happened right after he appeared on The View. — Greg Gutfeld 

The Great American State Fair has themed booths for almost every state, like Nevada's Las Vegas booth, Texas's Alamo booth, and California's uncontrolled fire booth. Yeah, bring your marshmallows. — Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How could you forget your marijuana? (There’s plenty of trash in the sea)

Three people were arrested and charged in New Jersey today after leaving behind a pound of marijuana in their hotel room. How could you forget your marijuana? Oh. Right. –Seth Meyers

According to a new report, by 2050, the world’s oceans will contain more plastic trash than fish. So the next time you get dumped, remember: There’s plenty of trash in the sea. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Instead of calling balls and strikes, she'll just say it's fine (the game won't start until you hear about her day)

This weekend, the Marlins and Braves will play the first Major League Baseball game umpired by a woman. Instead of calling balls and strikes, she'll just say it's fine. —Kat Timpf

This weekend, Major League Baseball will have its first female umpire. Yeah, but the game won't start until you hear about her day. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's like Johnny Depp telling you you're wearing too many scarves (oppressed)

An Oklahoma woman was arrested for attempting to have her kids blow into her car's breathalyzer so that she could drive drunk. Even worse, her kids failed. –Seth Meyers

"The NRA is accusing a Texas gun rights group of going too far after the group posted YouTube videos of their members walking into restaurants with semi-automatic rifles. The NRA saying you've gone too far is like Johnny Depp telling you you're wearing too many scarves." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, every flight will be out of gate Triple D (Bill Clinton just became a big fan of Jenga)

Supporters of Dolly Parton have signed a petition to rename the Nashville airport Departin’ from Parton. Yeah, every flight will be out of gate Triple D. —Greg Gutfeld

A California woman is using the world's longest tongue to play Jenga. In a related story, Bill Clinton just became a big fan of Jenga. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In related news, Bill Clinton just moved to Shady Acres (starting center)

Only Fans star Lily Phillips is apparently now sleeping with elderly men in nursing homes for her latest sex stunt. In related news, Bill Clinton just moved to Shady Acres. —Greg Gutfeld  

On Wednesday former president Obama sat court side at an NBA game but notably without his wife Michelle. Makes sense, she was starting center. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What they're going to do is bring back Bush and Cheney for a week (so he can be tried by a jury of his customers)

El Chapo is back in the same prison he escaped from six months ago but they revoked his tunnel privileges this time. The plan is they're hoping to extradite him to the United States so he can be tried by a jury of his customers. –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama's approval rating is down to 46 percent. But the White House has an idea for how to get it back up again. What they're going to do is bring back Bush and Cheney for a week." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which means there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game (a cry for help)

In Ohio, people voted on a referendum which would have had to legalize marijuana in that state, but it did not pass. That's right, it remains illegal to get high in Ohio, which means there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game. –James Corden

The FDA is currently debating whether the chocolate hazelnut topping Nutella should be classified as a dessert or a spread. Which is ridiculous. Nutella isn’t a dessert or a spread, it’s a cry for help. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess he's saving up the personal days so he can skip the last three months of his presidency (That's why I'm not running for president)

 

"President Bush is beating the August heat the same way he always does -- with a vacation on his ranch in Texas. He got there yesterday. This will be his shortest vacation since he's taken office. Usually he takes a full month, this time around because of the wars and everything, only ten days. I guess he's saving up the personal days so he can skip the last three months of his presidency." --Jimmy Kimmel

Bill Clinton -- you have to believe he's loving this. One night a week, he's not the one she's bitching at. It got a little bit contentious tonight, a lot of controversy still about the photo somebody released of Obama wearing a turban. You know, they originally said Clinton's camp did it, and they said we didn't do it. If I was Barack Obama, I would have worn the turban to the debate tonight. That's why I'm not running for president." --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That sounds about right (Rat Orgy, Delaware)

A new survey lists the best city to live in in America is Boise, Idaho. While the worst city was once again Rat Orgy, Delaware. --Colin Jost, SNL

And this Monday is tax day. So if you haven’t paid any taxes yet, you’re Amazon. --Colin Jost, SNL

It was reported that Nicolas Cage is filing for an annulment four days after getting married in Las Vegas. Read all about it in this month’s issue of “That sounds about right.” --Colin Jost, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It contains sea life that has inspired some of our most breathtaking screensavers (Congratulations, Georgey!)

"John Edwards' departure leaves the Democratic nomination down to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, which means that the Founding Fathers finally have a winner in their 'How Long Will It Take Our Nation To Nominate A Non-White Male' betting pool. Oh, I can't wait to find out who is the winner. Ladies and gentlemen, George Mason of Virginia correctly guessed 219 years. Congratulations, Georgey!" --Jon Stewart

"Last week President Bush created the world's largest protected marine area, dubbed the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands National Monument. The preserve is larger than all of America's national parks combined. It contains sea life that has inspired some of our most breathtaking screensavers." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night (Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money)

Government officials confirmed this afternoon that a person of interest in the FBI's Russia investigation is Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner. This comes at a bad time, because the Trump administration has just released its budget. Now they must be like, “Oh, we forgot to set aside bail money.” –James Corden

At a Walmart in Minnesota, a customer had to tackle a confused deer after it wandered into the store. The deer is fine and was released back into the wild, which makes this the happiest possible ending to a story of a deer walking into one of America’s largest suppliers of hunting rifles. –James Corden

A new restaurant has opened in Boston where all the food is cooked by robots. The restaurant was started by a group of engineers from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. A robot that can cook a meal. Is this a new thing? Isn't this just a microwave? I’m pretty sure I had a robot make me a frozen burrito last night. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm lean and I'm mean. I'm King of the Jungle! (Screw you! I've been sick!)

A lion walks up to a zebra and says,

"Hey zebra! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You're black, you're white, you're half mule

and half donkey.

Look at me. I'm lean and I'm mean.

I'm King of the Jungle!"

The zebra shrugs off the insult and walks on...

The lion then comes upon a giraffe and says,

"Hey, giraffe! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You gotta long neck and tiny antlers on the top

of your head!

Look at me. I'm lean and I'm mean.

I'm King of the Jungle!"

Finally, the lion comes upon a frog and says,

"Hey, frog! You are a ridiculous looking animal!

You're green and you're slimy.."

Before the lion could finish his next sentence

the frog says,

"Screw you! I've been sick!"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And you know, typical ex-wives, they always make the guy look like the bad one (That sounds like Alabama, doesn't it?)

"Osama bin Laden's first wife and her son have written a book about her marriage. The son said that bin Laden would get angry if they turned on the air conditioner. So in a lot of ways, bin Laden just sounds like a typical dad. When it comes to thermostats, all dads become fanatical tyrants. Why is that?" –Jay Leno

"Oh, this is interesting. Did you know bin Laden's first wife was also his first cousin? That doesn't sound like al Qaeda. That sounds like Alabama, doesn't it?" –Jay Leno

"Well here's some good terrorist gossip. Osama bin Laden's first wife has written a book about him. And you know, typical ex-wives, they always make the guy look like the bad one." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Trump needs your help to prove the election was stolen, click here to donate $1, $5 or $250 million (move in with Rudy)

“The New York state attorney general’s office, is asking a judge to order the Trump Organization pay back $250 million in defrauded assets. Two hundred and fifty million dollars! To pay that he’d probably have to sell Mar-a-Lago and move in with Rudy.” —Seth Meyers 

“I doubt Trump can afford to just fork over $250 million. Something tells me his supporters are about to get a bunch of frantic emails that say ‘President Trump needs your help to prove the election was stolen, click here to donate $1, $5 or $250 million.’” —Seth Meyers

“Trump also faces multiple criminal investigations for the January 6 insurrection and for stealing classified documents that he kept in the basement of Mar-a-Lago. Now, there’s no way of knowing if Trump broke the law, except he definitely did and it’s fucking crazy we have to entertain the idea that he didn’t. No one loses a job and gets to take whatever you want on your way out the door, especially if you work for the government.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I hope voters were given the options yes, no, and da fuck? (a perfect case study of what the GOP has become)

August 2022

“We are celebrating a victory for reproductive rights in the US a month after the supreme court overturned Roe v Wade, as voters in Kansas overwhelmingly decided to keep abortion protections in its state constitution. The defeat of a referendum to remove said rights from the constitution, 59% to 41%, was especially encouraging given that anti-abortion activists used every shady tactic they could think of and still lost. The wording of the referendum was intentionally confusing. I can’t believe they hired the same guy who wrote the iTunes user agreement. I hope voters were given the options yes, no, and da fuck?” —Seth Meyers

“Moreover, Kansas voters saw through the bullshit and overwhelmingly backed abortion rights, despite misleading text messages from a GOP group. The night before the election, the group sent voters a text that said: ‘Women in KS are losing their choice on reproductive rights. Voting YES on the Amendment will give women a choice. Vote YES to protect women’s health.’ But voting yes would do the opposite. You know, as a general rule, if your best strategy is to try to trick people into accidentally voting for you, that’s probably a sign that you’re the bad guys. It’s like, if in order to get people to watch this show online, we made the title of every YouTube video ‘click here for free boner pills!’ Last night was both a promising sign of progress in the fight to safeguard abortion rights on the one hand, and a perfect case study of what the GOP has become on the other hand.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lawmakers in Jamaica are considering a bill to legalize marijuana (he's used to people ignoring him)

June 2014

"President Obama's daughter Sasha turned 13 years old today. That means that now he has two teenage girls. But thanks to Congress, he's used to people ignoring him." –Jimmy Fallon 

"Lawmakers in Jamaica are now considering a bill that would legalize marijuana. Let me repeat myself: Lawmakers in Jamaica are considering a bill to legalize marijuana. In related news, lawmakers in Italy are considering a bill to legalize spaghetti, and lawmakers in Ireland are considering a bill to legalize whiskey." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”