There he is, the least-popular bill since Cosby (But now it’s May of 2026, and everybody hates him)

So, when asked about Trump's terrible poll numbers, usually they’ll deflect this kind of thing, but a White House spokesperson said, ‘The ultimate poll was Nov. 5, 2024, when nearly 80 million Americans overwhelmingly elected President Trump to deliver on his popular and common-sense agenda.’ OK, yeah. But now it’s May of 2026, and everybody hates him, so. —Jimmy Kimmel

The Treasury Department proposed printing a $250 bill featuring the likeness of President Trump on it, to celebrate the nation’s 250th anniversary. There he is, the least-popular bill since Cosby. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who’s planning to read it (your rulers are afraid of you)

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked

about Clinton’s book. She said she thought it was sad. Which is

true. I mean, it is — I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who’s

planning to read it, but at the end of the book, Donald Trump

becomes president. –Jimmy Kimmel

Ben Carson did not make a particularly strong impression last night. Ben Carson, to me, comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby's house. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Take your kids to work every day (White House drywall)

Today we are celebrating the win of Democrat Emily Gregory in a special Florida state election which flipped Trump’s Mar-a-Lago district blue for the first time in years. It’s a real kick in the golf balls for Mar-a-Lardo. Let’s just say there are a lot of tiny fist-sized holes getting punched in the White House drywall today. —Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump keeps saying that it was brought to his attention today that we’re the only country that does mail-in voting – when is someone going to step in and tell him that’s not true? Thirty-four countries have mail-in voting. All the countries that have mail have mail-in voting. Trump made those comments on Monday. On Tuesday, he voted by mail in Florida, for a special local election (a Democrat, Emily Gregory, flipped the state seat for the district that contains Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate). He’s unbelievable. Donald Trump claiming he wants to protect election integrity is like Bill Cosby telling you he’ll watch your drink for you.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Congress has an approval rating of just 16 percent (My last name? It's not important)

"Jeb Bush announced on the Internet that he is exploring a 2016 bid for president. And to increase his chances, he's going to run as just 'Jeb.' He said, 'My last name? It's not important.'" –Seth Meyers

"After closing their final session, the outgoing 113th Congress has an approval rating of just 16 percent. To give you some perspective, Bill Cosby is at 17." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How many of you will play yourself? (which is pretty big talk for a guy who lost to a bed sheet)

According to one released e-mail, Jeffrey Epstein claimed that he was "the one able to take Trump down,” which is pretty big talk for a guy who lost to a bed sheet. —Michael Che

Netflix is producing a sequel to the 1990s "Cosby Show" spinoff "A Different World” about students at an HBCU, which, of course, stands for “Help! Bill Cosby's Undressing!” —Michael Che

The U.S. Mint this week stop producing new pennies. It doesn’t make sense. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They ARE sending us their best (This is why you don't have healthcare)

Over the weekend, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that Donald Trump "says whatever comes into his head." To which Trump responded, "That is not true, clambucket pencil raft!" –Conan O’Brien

Bill Cosby has hired a woman to be his lead attorney. She says she doesn’t know how she got the job, she just woke up and there it was. –Conan O’Brien

Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They ARE sending us their best. –Conan O’Brien

"Conservatives are criticizing Time magazine because they put President Obama on the cover for the 12th time in the last year. Not only that, every week since Obama was elected, he's been on the cover of Black President Magazine." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It has an eat-in kitchen and a pass out living room (Chris Christie just bought two truckloads of crackers)

Bill Cosby is seeking a buyer for his Manhattan townhouse. It has an eat-in kitchen and a pass out living room. —Greg Gutfeld

The most expensive cheese just sold for more than $42,000. In a related story, Chris Christie just bought two truckloads of crackers? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Mother of Dragons (Can we talk about this over a drink?)

Yesterday, a female judge ruled that Bill Cosby must stand trial. Cosby said to the judge, "Can we talk about this over a drink?" –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is floating another conspiracy theory which suggests that Hillary Clinton is a murderer. Today Bill Clinton said, "Trust me, if that lady could kill, I would not be alive." –Conan O’Brien

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un has been given a new title, "Chairman of the Workers' Party." This narrowly beat out his second choice, "Mother of Dragons." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I get obliterated every night (the color of our oppression)

President Trump has given orders to obliterate Iran if the regime assassinates him. Big deal, I get obliterated every night said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump’s next executive action might be to get rid of the Department of Education. No wonder the Democrats are panicking like Jerry Nadler just used their only bathroom. Since the Education Department's inception, reading and math scores have been dropping faster than Bill Cosby's dates after their first cocktail. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My last name? It's not important (To give you some perspective, Bill Cosby is at 17)

"Jeb Bush announced on the Internet that he is exploring a 2016 bid for president. And to increase his chances, he's going to run as just 'Jeb.' He said, 'My last name? It's not important.'" –Seth Meyers

"After closing their final session, the outgoing 113th Congress has an approval rating of just 16 percent. To give you some perspective, Bill Cosby is at 17." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

as soon as he nominates new surgeon general Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable (Diddy for attorney general)

“See, the thing is, Donald Trump did this wrong. He did it in the wrong order. First, you nominate Diddy for attorney general, then Matt Gaetz.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“This Gaetz situation is a setback for Trump, but it’ll all be forgotten as soon as he nominates new surgeon general Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No word on what the winner gets (He keeps the money)

Jeb Bush’s campaign has a contest now where someone will be flown to Houston to meet him, his dad, and his brother. No word on what the winner gets. –Conan O’Brien

While accepting the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, Eddie Murphy did a Bill Cosby impression. Murphy’s Cosby impression was so accurate, nine women are suing him. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby's house (sending a message)

Ben Carson did not make a particularly strong impression last night. Ben Carson, to me, comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby's house. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Pope Francis just got a used car, a 1984 Renault with 190,000 miles on it. The Pope said he wanted an old car so he could drive around listening to his Billy Idol cassettes." –Jimmy Kimmel

Among seniors 65 and older, monthly marijuana use is up 333 percent. That's just Willie Nelson. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Could be as much as $300,000 (Can we talk about this over a drink?)

Donald Trump is now ahead of Hillary Clinton in the polls. This was reported today in The Washington Post, and 2,000 years ago in the Book of Revelation. –Conan O’Brien

Troubling news for Hillary Clinton. The FBI says as part of its investigation of Hillary Clinton’s emails, it may call her in to speak to them. No word yet on how much Hillary’s planning to charge. Could be as much as $300,000. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, a female judge ruled that Bill Cosby must stand trial. Cosby said to the judge, "Can we talk about this over a drink?" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The cruise will offer Pickle Ball, Corn Hole, and also games (never have your bachelorette party at Chuck E. Cheese)

An elementary school teacher in Wisconsin was arrested after she allegedly made out with one of her fifth grade students just months before her wedding. Which is why you should never have your bachelorette party at Chuck E. Cheese. —Colin Jost

An 11 day cruise is being offered next year from Miami to the Caribbean in which passengers will be nude. The cruise will offer Pickle Ball, Corn Hole, and also games. —Colin Jost

A new report chronicles a disorder called sexsomnia in which people try to have sex when they’re asleep. The report was written by someone named Phil Fosby. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She made the remarks during a speech none of us could afford to attend (The pardon is for the guy who wrote Rocky V)

President Trump tweeted that he may pardon someone because Sylvester Stallone asked him to. The pardon is for the guy who wrote "Rocky V." --Conan O’Brien

Hillary Clinton has been attacking Donald Trump over his "country club" lifestyle. Hillary made the remarks during a speech none of us could afford to attend. –Conan O’Brien

Today in the Bill Cosby trial, the defense rested. And for once, Cosby had nothing to do with it. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

All in all, it's been a pretty tough year over at Outbreak Farms (Bill Cosby is at 17)

"After closing their final session, the outgoing 113th Congress has an approval rating of just 16 percent. To give you some perspective, Bill Cosby is at 17." –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, Newark Liberty is the country’s least favorite airport. But only because LaGuardia is technically classified as a prison. –Seth Meyers

And finally, the California farm that recently recalled Romaine lettuce for possible E. coli contamination is now recalling cauliflower and other lettuces grown on the farm. All in all, it's been a pretty tough year over at Outbreak Farms. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy (nine women are suing him)

While accepting the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, Eddie Murphy did a Bill Cosby impression. Murphy’s Cosby impression was so accurate, nine women are suing him. –Conan O’Brien

Harvey Weinstein just finished a week-long stay at a rehab clinic for sex addiction. Apparently he would’ve have stayed longer, but all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because if there's one guy whose trial famously ended well, it's Jesus (This will make you sleepier than 20 Cosby’s)

Also, while he was in Israel, President Biden said the Hamas attack was like "Fifteen 9/11s.” Okay, you can't go somewhere to calm people down and then start rating things in numbers of 9/11s. That is not a calm scale. It would be like if your doctor gave you Ambien and said, "This will make you sleepier than 20 Cosby’s." —Colin Jost

After a judge issued a gag order against President Trump, Trump told reporters that the judge said, "Basically, I don't have the right to speak.” Then he added, "She's, like, literally killing me.” Then he yelled, "You're not even my real mom,” and slammed his bedroom door. —Colin Jost

And yesterday, on Truth Social, Trump posted a courtroom sketch of him sitting next to Jesus. Because if there's one guy whose trial famously ended well, it's Jesus. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”