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Showing posts with label Kristi Noem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kristi Noem. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 14, 2026

Here are the results. I threw up twice (he’s holding out for half the wardrobe)


Kristi Noem and her cross-dressing husband are getting divorced. Kristi Noem’s ex is not asking for alimony but he’s holding out for half the wardrobe. —Tyrus


65 year old Kathy Griffin clarified that her Instagram post teasing of a romance with a twenty-two year old man was a sociological experiment. Here are the results. I threw up twice. —Tyrus


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Tuesday, April 7, 2026

It's in here. It's in our hearts (G-spot)


Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, seen here demoting a Black general, said this week-- said this week that an airman told him the only thing they need in Iran is bigger bombs. Got ya covered. How about Kristi Noem's husband? —Michael Che


Scientists in Spain are saying that they have discovered the male G-spot. It's in here. It's in our hearts. —Michael Che


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, April 3, 2026

checking their authenticity (She also canceled their upcoming vacation to Dollywood)

New photos obtained by the Daily Mail show Kristi Nome's husband wearing large prosthetic breasts. In response, Bill Clinton immediately volunteered to check their authenticity. —Greg Gutfeld


A spokesman for Kristi Noem said she's devastated by her husband's crossdressing double life. She also canceled their upcoming vacation to Dollywood. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Thursday, April 2, 2026

the human centipede portion of the war (America’s first improv war)


This week marks a month of Donald Trump’s unauthorized war in Iran, and as we all know, one month is the elevated threat anniversary. Trump is threatening to escalate our bombing campaign unless Iran opens the strait that they closed in response to Trump’s bombing campaign. I believe we’ve entered what General Patton used to refer to as the ‘human centipede portion’ of the war. —Jon Stewart


Despite claiming that the war is won, Trump is reportedly threatening to send troops, giving the war “an erratic, make-it-up-as-you-go feel”, as the New York Times put it. Yes, it is officially America’s first improv war. —Stephen Colbert 


Thanks to Trump’s war in Iran gas prices are skyrocketing. Oil prices won’t come down until the strait of Hormuz is as open as Kristi Noem’s marriage. —Desi Lydic  


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

You're making Diddy uncomfortable (all ponies)


President Trump has fired Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem. You know, on some level, I feel bad for Kristi Noem. Imagine being singled out as the worst member of Trump's cabinet. That's like someone coming up to you at a party and saying, "We think you should leave. You're making Diddy uncomfortable.” —Colin Jost


Officials in New Mexico are reopening investigations into the ranch that Jeffrey Epstein owned. And they should have known something was up when Epstein's ranch was all ponies. —Colin Jost


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, March 6, 2026

I'm just going to keep saying this (no one's more disappointed than her dogs)



“After bombing Iran, President Trump is calling for the Iranian people to rise up to topple the regime, which is the opposite of what he said he would do. He usually only calls for the overthrow of a government when he loses an election.” —Jimmy Kimmel

Meanwhile, President Trump fired DHS Secretary Kristi Noem. And no one's more disappointed than her dogs. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Friday, February 27, 2026

finally this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults (I think you have to take that seriously)


President Trump’s said that he expected his State of the Union speech to be long. Oh yeah, I think we’re all expecting that. He is incapable of being brief. Even if Trump were just going to read a haiku, I would expect two intermissions. —Seth Meyers


We have a status update on the homeland security secretary, Kristi Noem. As head of DHS, Noem has a busy job starting wars in American cities, but somehow she seems to have found time for love. There are many reports that Noem, who is married, is having a poorly concealed affair with her deputy, Corey Lewandowski. Both have denied the rumors. Guys, finally this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults. We did it! USA, USA, USA! —Desi Lydic


President Trump’s controversial tariffs, which the supreme court, even stacked with conservative justices, declared unconstitutional in a 6-3 opinion. Somebody finally had the balls to say they were illegal. A court composed mostly of his own party’s appointees has struck down the constitutionality of Trump’s go-it-alone tariff regime. That’s bound to cause him some introspection. Not quite. In a post on Truth Social, Trump called the supreme court a “disgrace to our nation” and suggested the justices were an “embarrassment” to their families. When a guy who had sex with a porn star right after his wife had given birth tells you you’re an embarrassment to your family, I think you have to take that seriously. —Jon Stewart


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

regulating your cognitive infrastructure (It was a much friendlier dementia)


We were gone one week, and Trump's now at war with the supreme court. He’s threatening a real war with Iran. He’s firing off tariffs, 10%, 15%, he’s got the FCC threatening talkshows. He’s threatening Netflix. He’s all of a sudden threatening to release the UFO files. And it really makes you stop and wonder: what the hell could be in those 3 million Trump-Epstein files they’re still hiding? He’s working so hard to distract us. The only thing he hasn’t done is set his nipples on fire. —Jimmy Kimmel


President Trump’s 107-minute State of the Union address was the longest ever. What a speech it wasn’t. He bragged about DEI. He bragged about kicking 2 million people off food stamps. It was like a Christmas message from the Grinch. When you ramble incoherently for two hours is that technically still a speech or does it at some point become a conniption fit? The speech went on so long Kristi Noem’s dog shot itself. —Jimmy Kimmel

“I have to say: Trump’s dementia really makes me miss Joe Biden’s dementia. It was a much friendlier dementia." —Jimmy Kimmel


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, February 6, 2026

Bill Clinton just filled out an application to become a Buddhist monk (target practice)


Hundreds of dogs were in town for the Westminster Kennel Club dog show. Yeah. Or as Kristi Noem calls it, target practice. —Greg Gutfeld


In a police raid at a temple in Thailand, Buddhist monks were caught with pornography, sex toys, penis pumps, and an escort list. In a related story, Bill Clinton just filled out an application to become a Buddhist monk? —Greg Gutfeld 


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, January 30, 2026

which is how I believe Stephen Miller reproduces (Epstein's clients)


Minnesotans have been terrorized by Trump’s goons and the nation has been outraged with anti-ICE sentiment even appearing in apolitical online spaces. Kristi Noem, the head of homeland security, called the slain nurse Alex Pretti a “domestic terrorist” without evidence, something that even led to Republicans demanding her resignation. 


Trump has said he thinks Noem is “doing a very good job” and Colbert added, in character, that there is “no one else I’d rather have everyone blame for my mindless cruelty”. 


Noem has tried to blame Stephen Miller for her comments while Miller, referring to Pretti as an “assassin”, has said this was based on information from Customs and Border Protection, which is run by Kristi Noem. It is a real snake eating its own tail, which is how I believe Stephen Miller reproduces. —Stephen Colbert


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Thursday, January 15, 2026

Well, if that's the case, we know he's sending Kristi Noem, right? (Hunter Biden has discovered time travel)


Regarding an alleged plan to acquire Greenland, President Trump says the country's defense is two dog sleds. Well, if that's the case, we know he's sending Kristi Noem, right? —Greg Gutfeld


And finally, researchers discovered a prehistoric Iceman mummy that carried a high-risk strain of genital warts. And a related story, Hunter Biden has discovered time travel. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Saturday, January 10, 2026

That’s an insult to every law enforcement officer everywhere (dropping her six-year-old off at school)

“Terrible things happen every day. Sad things happen, tragedies, cruelty, injustice, et cetera. And in most situations, it’s just a bad part of life. But what do you do when something terrible happens and a big group of people, including those who are running our country, tells you it didn’t? They tell you you’re not seeing what you clearly see. Are you supposed to just accept it and move on, go about your day? What do you do?”


“It’s important for us to know what happened, and what is happening, because if we don’t, it’s definitely going to happen again. There used to be a baseline of decency. The full force of the White House and the commentators who have decided that their job is to support anything and everything their leader says or does, are trying to convince us that a mom who just dropped her six-year-old off at school was part of a leftwing terror effort.”


“This woman, this unarmed mama – a devout Christian, by the way – who had no criminal record, driving a Honda Pilot trying to get away from armed men in masks in the snow, masked men who are screaming at her. We’re to believe this woman was a terrorist committing a terrorist act? And the fact that ICE shot through her windshield three times, that was her fault?”


According to Kristi Noem, the ICE officer was “following his training”. “How stupid do you think we are? That is not just an insult to Renee Good. That’s an insult to every law enforcement officer everywhere. They’re not trained to do that. Again, I encourage you to watch the video for yourself.”


“And by the way, I know it isn’t easy to work in law enforcement. I get that people make mistakes in the heat of a situation, but don’t try to tell me that went by the book. Apologize, investigate, let justice be served. I find it hard to believe that even people who love Donald Trump would go along with this, but I guess they do.” —Jimmy Kimmel


 

Friday, November 14, 2025

MAGA wants a great college pingpong team (operation dirt bag)


President Trump defended his plan to bring in hundreds of thousands of Chinese students, saying, "I know what MAGA wants, and that's a great college pingpong team.” —Greg Gutfeld


Kristi Noem boasted about the new operation dirt bag where homeland security caught 150 illegal immigrant sex offenders. This is not to be confused with an earlier operation dirt bag when President Biden tried to find a whore for Hunter. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Saturday, July 19, 2025

Let's do it. I'm with you, baby (headlights)


So Kristi Noem hinted that people will now be able to bring more than 3.4 ounces of liquid on flights, but Kamala Harris is hoping that they up that to a half gallon. Let's do it. I'm with you, baby. —Greg Gutfeld


Andrew Cuomo is being blasted for a new campaign ad where he helps jumpstart a man's car, which is odd considering he usually only stops to check out women’s headlights. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, May 16, 2025

which he obviously hadn't purchased until after he banged that Chinese spy (thermostats)


Michelle Obama admitted on her podcast that she fights with her husband over the thermostat. She wants it at 70 degrees while he wants it up his butt. —Greg Gutfeld


While arguing about a deported illegal criminal Eric Swallwell warned Kristi Noem that he has a bullsh*t detector, which he obviously hadn't purchased until after he banged that Chinese spy. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Saturday, February 8, 2025

Why not put her face on a bottle of syrup while you're at it (how to deal with deflated balls)


California attorney general Rob Bonta announced that Kamala Harris would clear out the field if she runs for California Governor. Wow, saying a black woman would clear out the field? Why not put her face on a bottle of syrup while you're at it. —Greg Gutfeld


According to the New York Post, 72-year-old Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old girlfriend Jordon Hudson are rumored to be engaged. Yes it was love at first will. Word is she reached out to Tom Brady on how to deal with deflated balls. —Greg Gutfeld


Bret Baier  is going to interview Trump at Mar-a-Lago for the Super Bowl pregame show. Meanwhile Kristi Noem is not allowed within 100 feet of the Puppy Bowl. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, June 14, 2024

And the worst part is that Ted Cruz sang it sexy like Marilyn Monroe (puppy dog eyes)


President Biden landed in Italy on Wednesday for the G7 Summit, his second trip to Europe in a week. He went to France last week, now he’s off to Italy. Biden’s like your friend who is somehow posting pics from Europe all summer. Usually when an 81-year-old does that much traveling through Europe, it’s on a Viking river cruise. — Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is in the process of picking a vice-presidential candidate. One candidate who isn’t in the running is Kristi Noem, who made headlines recently when she admitted killing her dog. She tried her best. She even gave Trump puppy dog eyes – literally, she sent him a box of puppy dog eyes. —Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump returned to Capitol Hill on Thursday, his first visit there since the Jan. 6 riot. House Republicans sang an early “Happy Birthday” for the former president, who turned 78 on Friday. And the worst part is that Ted Cruz sang it sexy like Marilyn Monroe. Jordan Klepper, The Daily Show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Sunday, May 12, 2024

he thought Kamala Harris was their point guard (Next time, said Kristi Noem)


At a White House ceremony honoring the WNBA champion Las Vegas Aces, President Biden mistakingly called player Candace Parker, one of the greatest all-time coaches. Worse, he thought Kamala Harris was their point guard. —Colin Jost


A dog was rescued after it fell off a 50 foot cliff into a quarry. Next time, said Kristi Noem. —Colin Jost


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 


 

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

Commander, say hello to Cricket for me (microplastics, asbestos, lead, mercury)



One likely also-ran for the job of Trump’s Vice President is the South Dakota governor, Kristi Noem, who triggered backlash last week for the admission in her memoir that she killed her puppy Cricket for being disobedient. 


Further excerpts from her book don’t make her look less like Cruella De Vil. In a later chapter, Noem talks about Joe Biden’s German shepherd, Commander, who has a history of biting Secret Service agents. Noem said if she were president, “the first thing I’d do is make sure Joe Biden’s dog was nowhere on the grounds (Commander, say hello to Cricket for me)”. 


That’s your ‘if I was president’ fantasy? What happens if she finds a genie’s lamp? ‘Three wishes? I guess kill a dog, kill a dog and time machine so I could go back and kill Hitler’s dog.’ —Stephen Colbert


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”