In Loving Memory (a wedding proposal from Hunter Biden)

At a holistic center in the Bronx a woman has died after being injected with an anti-aging serum. The cops arrested the doctor which seems unfair since technically she did stop aging. —Greg Gutfeld

A woman arrested for drug trafficking was found with fentanyl hidden in her buttocks, vagina and right breast. Prompting a wedding proposal from Hunter Biden. —Greg Gutfeld

It was two years ago today that Joe Biden dropped out of the presidential race. And get this, he just found out today. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’ve had these speeches memorized since I was six (fermented palm sap)

Disney World announced they are finally serving alcohol at every restaurant in the Magic Kingdom. Parents will say, "These giant teacups are spinning too fast," and the kids will be like, "We are not even on the ride yet." --Jimmy Fallon

A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk. Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke.—Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump criticized Hillary Clinton over the weekend, claiming that her views are “just words” read off a teleprompter. But Hillary denied it, saying, “I’ve had these speeches memorized since I was six.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

also flying to a private island makes him miss his friend Jeffrey Epstein (It’s as if that Fifa peace prize means nothing to this man)

On Saturday, Donald Trump Jr married his partner, Bettina Anderson, in the Bahamas in a small ceremony attended by 40 guests none of whom were his father. On Truth Social, Trump wrote that he “very much wanted” to be there but felt it was “important for me to remain in Washington, DC at the White House during this important period of time”. He had circumstances pertaining to government – and also flying to a private island makes him miss his friend Jeffrey Epstein. —Jimmy Kimmel

This is a guy who golfs two, three times a week, he’s going to UFC fights with Vanilla Ice. He was too busy for his son’s wedding. But he did say Don and Bettina are going to have a great marriage, and this is a man who knows a great marriage; he’s had three of them himself. —Jimmy Kimmel

Trump is stuck in the war with Iran like a pig in a vat of chocolate pudding. On Saturday, the president said that a deal with Iran was nearly finalized, but US bombs continue to strike the country. It’s as if that Fifa peace prize means nothing to this man. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business (My Bad)

"The title of Bush's memoir is 'Decision Points." It narrowly edged out his original title, which was 'My Bad.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The identity of the Navy Seals that killed Osama bin Laden is being kept secret. It's for their own safety. It's to keep them from being high-fived to death." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Between the death of bin Laden and the royal wedding, it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm going to need a hit of that (Mostly trees)

Guys, listen to this -- I read that more and more people are offering weed at their weddings. That's not good if your parents look at the person you're marrying and go, "I'm going to need a hit of that.” --Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they? (the margin of error was five)

"The countdown is now under way for what a lot of people are calling, the wedding of the year — on July 31 Chelsea Clinton is getting married. Bill and Hillary are thrilled; they say they don't care who the groom is as long as it's not Levi Johnston." –Jay Leno

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s getting more presidential every day (Normal Florida wedding proceeds without incident)

President Trump is filing a lawsuit against Capital One Bank. Apparently, Trump really doesn’t want us to know what’s in his wallet. --James Corden

Earlier in his campaign, Trump was calling Carly Fiorina ugly. Now he’s saying he might pick her up if she falls down. Guys, that’s growth. He’s getting more presidential every day. –James Corden

A Fox News headline read “Bikini-clad bride weds groom in overalls, caps off Florida wedding with roll in the mud.” The honest headline should have read “Normal Florida wedding proceeds without incident.” --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Almost half of Gen Z admitted to lying on their resumes (she should have dressed up as a sandwich)

Almost half of Gen Z admitted to lying on their resumes in a recent survey. Don’t I know it. My last three assistants claimed they were comfortable around nude men. —Greg Gutfeld

A New York City woman ran the Brooklyn Marathon in a wedding dress hoping to find a husband. If that’s her goal, she should have dressed up as a sandwich. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m sorry, that should be 70-24-36 (Snoop, that’s a mop)

According to a new report, so-called naked wedding dresses made of lace and sheer fabrics will be a popular trend this year. Also a popular wedding trend this year -- grandma heart attacks. --Seth Meyers

Happy birthday to Dolly Parton, who turned 70 today. I’m sorry, that should be 70-24-36. –Seth Meyers

Rapper Snoop Dogg recently revealed that country music singer Willie Nelson is the only person who can “out-smoke” him. And then someone said, “Snoop, that’s a mop.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the female scientists had to finish writing it themselves (National Girlfriends Day)

A couple recently got married on a roller coaster at a Massachusetts amusement park while their wedding guests were on the ride with them. And this is cool — the reception was open barf. –Seth Meyers

A new study has come out analyzing the role of the female orgasm in reproduction. But the male scientists fell asleep before it was done and the female scientists had to finish writing it themselves. –Seth Meyers

Today was National Girlfriends Day, so don't forget to send her $130,000. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”