You think I wished for a 10 inch pianist? (hippie wishing stone)

A businessman is drinking alone at a bar. A gentleman pulls up at the stool next

to him, places a large briefcase on the bar, and orders a double.

The two men chat as they drink and, as they approach the bottoms of their glasses, the gentleman says, "Say, I've got a deal for you. I'll bet you $100 that I've got a tiny piano player in this bag that can pound out a Mozart sonata.”

The businessman laughs. "I'll take that bet!"

The two men pull hundred dollar bills from their wallets and slap them on the bar. The gentleman opens his bag and, lo and behold, there IS a tiny grand piano inside. At it sits a tiny piano player, who nods to the gentleman before launching into a beautiful Mozart sonata.

“Extraordinary!" says the businessman. "Where in the world did you get that little guy?"

The gentleman smirks and places a round black stone on the bar. "An old woman gave me this hippie wishing stone. Give it a try if you want."

The businessman touches the stone and says, "I wish for a million bucks!"

Suddenly there's a deafening quacking as ducks begin to stream through the bar door.

“Hey, I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

The gentleman shrugs, "You think I wished for a 10 inch pianist?"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lawmakers in Jamaica are considering a bill to legalize marijuana (The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks)

"Lawmakers in Jamaica are now considering a bill that would legalize marijuana. Let me repeat myself: Lawmakers in Jamaica are considering a bill to legalize marijuana. In related news, lawmakers in Italy are considering a bill to legalize spaghetti, and lawmakers in Ireland are considering a bill to legalize whiskey." –Jimmy Fallon

"Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyway, he's now in a prison in El Salvador ("Wow. That's great," said ducks.)

Scientists say that they've developed a way of making foie gras that does not involve force-feeding ducks. "Wow. That's great," said ducks. "What about the murder?” —Colin Jost

This week, the Secret Service intercepted a toddler after he slipped through the fence outside the White House. Anyway, he's now in a prison in El Salvador. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a gold watch that stopped working years ago (they're capturing it with ducks)

"Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago." –Jimmy Fallon

"Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Their entire ideology is faceplanting in front of the entire world (Power Bottom)

In some great economic news for President Biden, U.S. Oil production hit an all-time high this week, and the economy added a surprisingly robust 350,000 jobs. Or as Fox News reported it, are migrants turning your kids trans? —Colin Jost

Campaign finance records show in the last six months, the Super Pacs behind Donald Trump spent $50 million on legal fees, and that’s with the cheapest worst lawyers on the planet. Can you imagine spending $50 million on the people who just lost you $83 million? Trump’s lawyer did such a bad job I thought her actual name was overruled sit down. —Colin Jost

The FCC is preparing to criminalize unsolicited robocalls that use AI to impersonate politicians. You can still impersonate Ted Cruz by shaving a sloth’s face. —Colin Jost

A family in Michigan whose duck lost its mate placed a personal ad online to find the bird a new partner, and in a loving act of understanding, they even specified, Power Bottom. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks (The man says he's excited to spend the entire year drunk)

A man in London just took Uber's one-billionth ride, and to celebrate, Uber gave him a year's worth of free rides. The man says he's excited to spend the entire year drunk. –Jimmy Fallon

"Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, you mean 0.15 Iraq Wars? (I don't need another step between me and toast)

Dogs are forever in the push-up position. --Mitch Hedberg

Advil has a candy coating, it's delicious. It says right on the bottle do not have more than two. Well then do not put a candy coating around it. --Mitch Hedberg

I find that a ducks opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. --Mitch Hedberg

Pepperidge Farm bread is some fine bread. That stuff is fancy man. It's wrapped twice. You open it and it still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast. --Mitch Hedberg

I like escalators, because the escalator cannot break. It just becomes stairs. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I like to take a toothpick and throw it in the forest and say, “You’re home.” (It’s Zero)

I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. --Mitch Hedberg

I like to take a toothpick and throw it in the forest and say, “You’re home.” --Mitch Hedberg

I was to going to have my teeth whitened but then I said screw that I'll just get a tan instead. --Mitch Hedberg

I met the girl who worked at the front desk of my hotel. She gave me her phone number. It’s Zero. --Mitch Hedberg

This jacket is dry clean only which means it’s dirty. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Usually I'm not a fan of premature release (biggest victory for ducks)

Congratulations to the Anaheim Ducks. They won the Stanley Cup Championship. I believe this is the biggest victory for ducks since  Dick Cheney shot that lawyer in the face." --Jay Leno

"After serving only three days of her prison sentence, Paris Hilton has been let out of jail. When asked about it, Paris said, 'Usually I'm not a fan of premature release.'" --Conan O'Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html