One of the worst disasters to hit the U.S. (a very special episode of Judge Judy)

A security camera caught a married judge having sex with a law enforcement officer inside the courthouse. So this Thursday night, look for a very special episode of Judge Judy. —Greg Gutfeld 

Rosie O'Donnell admitted she recently got a facelift. No, no, no. Not the surgery. They just had to remove her from being passed out in the buffet. —Greg Gutfeld

 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a pretty big loss – you know, for my monologue (May God write us down as a**es if...)

March 2014

"President Obama has convinced the leaders of the world's biggest economies to move the G-8 summit out of Russia this summer and meet in Brussels instead. Then Vladimir Putin said, 'All good. By summer, Brussels will be part of Russia.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"There are reports coming out that Chris Christie has lost 100 pounds since having lap-band surgery. It's a pretty big loss – you know, for my monologue." –Jimmy Fallon

"Ukraine said it plans to take Russia to court to try to get Crimea back. So get ready next week for a very special 'Judge Judy.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Tomorrow morning, Russia will fly an American astronaut to the International Space Station. And you thought driving someone home after a breakup was awkward." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I now have six free hours a day I don't know what to do with (Drunk Lady vs. Other Drunk Lady)

May 2013

"In South Carolina, former Governor Mark Sanford won a congressional seat after dragging around and debating a cardboard cutout of Nancy Pelosi. Then someone explained that was Nancy Pelosi." –Conan O'Brien

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he's still adjusting after his surgery to reduce how much he can eat. He said, 'I now have six free hours a day I don't know what to do with.'" –Conan O'Brien

"According to a new poll, Americans trust Judge Judy more than they trust Supreme Court justices. She won her trust after her landmark decision in the case of Drunk Lady vs. Other Drunk Lady." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Great! Thank you Hillary Clinton (If this was Judge Judy...)

“That’s right — one step out of line, he will run Turkey into the ground like it was one of his casinos in Atlantic City.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“In a rare show of unity, Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell denounced the decision. And even the president’s own potbellied pig, Lindsey Graham, called into Fox & Friends to label the move a ‘disaster in the making’ that will ‘undo all the gains we’ve made’ and ‘throw the region into further chaos.’ And then he hung up chanting, ‘Four more years!’” --Jimmy Kimmel

“So to recap, we now have two whistle-blowers; we have the transcript of the phone call; a bunch of highly incriminating text messages; and not only did Trump do it privately with Ukraine, he asked China to do it on television. If this was ‘Judge Judy,’ he’d be out before the first mesothelioma commercial.” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What republicans don't want women to remember (Like 'normal' slow or 'your investigation' slow?)

Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of sexual misconduct by several women and many Republicans are still defending him. Americans were like, "Here's an idea — just pick a different judge. There's thousands of judges. Anyone! What is Judge Judy up to? Let's get Judge Judy in there! Judge Joe Brown! Simon Cowell! I don't care who it is!" --Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Robert Mueller was spotted at an Apple store. When he said his computer is really slow, the employee said, "Like 'normal' slow or 'your investigation' slow?" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I knew we should have gone with Judge Judy. Damn it, I told them! (Recognize this man?)

There were new new allegations against the nominee for the Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh, aka "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," is facing another accusation from a woman who says she knew him when they were in high school. She alleges that he and his friends would target girls with alcohol and Quaaludes in order to take advantage of them sexually. And, just like that, we have a new spokesperson for Jell-O Pudding — we lose a Cosby and gain a Kavanaugh. --Jimmy Kimmel

Brett Kavanaugh seems to be backing off his claim on Fox News that he was a model student. In his prepared testimony today, he wrote, "In retrospect, I said and did things in high school that make me cringe now." In retrospect, you said things on Fox News three days ago that should make you cringe now. --Jimmy Kimmel

All three accusers want the FBI to investigate their claims. Republicans, Brett Kavanaugh, don't want the FBI to investigate. I wonder why that is. At this point Donald Trump has to be like, "I knew we should have gone with Judge Judy. Damn it, I told them!" --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Especially if they forgot to use birth control (congratulations to Dog the Bounty Hunter)

Hillary Clinton has asked “Shark Tank’s” Mark Cuban to attend tonight’s debate. Trump was furious and said, “A billionaire reality star has no business being at a presidential debate.” –Conan O’Brien

A new study says men who have more sex are more likely to pray. Especially if they forgot to use birth control. –Conan O’Brien

On Friday, Donald Trump added more names to his list of potential candidates for the Supreme Court. So congratulations to Judge Judy and Dog the Bounty Hunter. –Conan O’Brien

Hillary Clinton is going to be cleared of all email charges by Judge Judy (Uber driver)

Today Republican candidate Donald Trump decided to clear the air and reveal the results of a recent physical, on “The Dr. Oz Show.” Which is an interesting move. Like for Donald Trump, you know, sure, Dr. Oz is a respected doctor — you know, in the same way that Dr. Dre is a respected doctor. –James Corden

If you think that a presidential candidate appearing on “Dr. Oz” is ridiculous, later Donald stopped by the Maury Povich show and found out that he is not the father. –James Corden

Tomorrow, Hillary Clinton is going to be cleared of all email charges by Judge Judy. –James Corden

TMZ reported that the rapper Nelly is in debt to the IRS for about $2 million. I guess now when Nelly sings, “If you want to go and take a ride with me,” it’s only because he’s working as an Uber driver. –James Corden

The first thing I know about Delaware..

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he's still adjusting after his surgery to reduce how much he can eat. He said, 'I now have six free hours a day I don't know what to do with.'" –Conan O'Brien



"According to a new poll, Americans trust Judge Judy more than they trust Supreme Court justices. She won her trust after her landmark decision in the case of Drunk Lady vs. Other Drunk Lady." –Conan O'Brien



"Yesterday, Delaware became the most recent state to legalize same-sex marriage. That marks the 11th state to make same-sex marriage legal and the first thing I know about Delaware." –Jimmy Fallon