NHL: Pittsburgh Penguins vs Ottawa Senators

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs Pittsburgh Penguins

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it was more of an auto crayon (going for pennies)

A new report claims Joe Biden used an autopen signature on nearly every document he signed. Democrats defended him saying it was more of an auto crayon. —Greg Gutfeld  

A Cheeto shaped like Michael Jordan is being auctioned off online for thousands of dollars. Meanwhile a cheese puff shaped like Rosie O'Donnell is going for pennies. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

NHL: Toronto Maple Leafs vs Pittsburgh Penguins

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Cool, at least they think we do something (You up?)

Seventy-two new emojis came out today, and I saw that one of the new emojis is a pregnant woman. Apparently it’s the emoji you get nine months after texting, “You up?” –Jimmy Fallon

"A new survey found that 77 percent of Americans think politicians do serious harm to the country. Politicians are like, 'Cool, at least they think we do something.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That was all me (ew, ew, ew, ew)

In Touch magazine is set to drop a 5,000-word interview with porn star Stormy Daniels about a 2006 affair when she allegedly had sex with Donald Trump. All 5,000 of those words are “ew, ew, ew, ew.” --James Corden

I have lived in Los Angeles for one year, and in that time Los Angeles has regained an NFL team, it started raining again after three years of drought, and they opened the city's first Dunkin' Donuts. Now look, I can't take credit for all of those, but I'm definitely taking credit for that Dunkin' Donuts. That was all me. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Peace on earth: myth or sarcasm (And get this... tickets are still available!)

The preserved forearm of a 16th century saint is on a tour across Canada. And get this... tickets are still available! --Conan O’Brien

It is so cold in the midwest that truck nuts have actually moved up inside the truck. --Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump now says that this week he will allow 872 refugees into the United States; 872. Trump says the immigrants will arrive on Friday and start their modeling careers on Monday. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even worse, some of it was wasted (Jesus, it's hot)

 

"This is a terrible controversy. According to a new report, $1.4 billion of FEMA money for Hurricane Katrina victims was used to buy alcohol, vacations and pornography. Even worse, some of it was wasted." --Conan O'Brien

"The National Academy of Sciences says that due to pollution and global warming, this year the Earth has been the hottest since the time of Jesus which explains why the disciples were always saying, 'Jesus, it's hot.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is (myth or sarcasm)

Brett Kavanaugh defended himself by saying that he was a virgin in high school and for many years thereafter. I have got to say, if those are the qualifications, I should be on the Supreme Court. I should be Chief Justice Corden. --James Corden

Ben & Jerry's just announced that they are going to be supporting seven progressive congressional candidates by promoting them with their own flavors of ice cream. This is such a brilliant political move. I mean, what is Donald Trump going to do now — come out against ice cream? Now, personally I would like to thank Ben & Jerry's for giving me a reason to tell my wife why I am eating an entire pint of ice cream every night. "No. It is for the future. We have to leave our children a better world. That's all this is." --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm starting to think that he was kind of a jerk (I definitely recall and I’m in trouble)

"According to reports, Osama bin Laden's bedroom had the only air conditioner in his compound. I don't know about you guys, but I'm starting to think that he was kind of a jerk." –Jimmy Fallon

Jeff Sessions said he “doesn’t recall” having any meetings with Russians at the Mayflower. For those of you who don’t know, “doesn’t recall” is the Washington term meaning, “I definitely recall and I’m in trouble.” –Jimmy Fallon

Bruce Springsteen is selling his house in Beverly Hills for around $70 million. And for that much money, the house actually comes WITH Bruce Springsteen. —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His approval rating has dropped so low the only thing he's above now is the law! (Isn't that a condom ad?)

Things not looking good for President Bush. His approval rating has dropped so low the only thing he's above now is the law! –Jay Leno

President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme -- "Safer, Stronger, and Tested." Isn't that a condom ad? –Jay Leno

"In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it works there maybe we'll try it in New Orleans." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Is it possible that 18 million Americans don't know what the word favorable means? (That's a long time, even for a leprechaun)

"It's Day 71 of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They just did a poll that says only 6 percent of Americans have a favorable view of BP, to which I say, 6 percent of Americans have a favorable view of BP? That's 18 million people. Is it possible that 18 million Americans don't know what the word favorable means?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Some of the counts Rod Blagojevich was convicted of carry 10- to 20-year sentences, so he could be facing up to 300 years in prison. That's a long time, even for a leprechaun." –Jimmy Kimmel

"BP is running with this, I guess. Their company newsletter has an article that says most gulf residents aren't upset with BP because their cleanup crews have boosted the local economy. BP taking credit for boosting the economy in the gulf is like al Qaeda taking credit for creating jobs in airport security." –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump is upset today because so many of his former Republican rivals have not endorsed him. He says he feels like he is running against two parties because none of the guys have jumped in to lend their support. Which makes no sense at all. Donald Trump has been nothing but nice to them. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I like to think of them as the world's newest oldlyweds (Why can't I get separated?)

We are in the midst of a hell-like heat wave on the West Coast. The temperature hit 112 in Beverly Hills yesterday. That's dangerous. Many residents of Beverly Hills are made of materials that melt at temperatures like that. –Jimmy Kimmel

It was a devastating loss for Cavs superstar LeBron James. He lost both the NBA Finals and 40 percent of his hairline. It's times like these when it really helps that you make $65 million a year. –Jimmy Kimmel

In England, the world's oldest bride and groom tied the knot. She's 91, he's 103. Men are unbelievable. He couldn't find someone his own age? They're the world's oldest newlyweds, but I like to think of them as the world's newest oldlyweds. –Jimmy Kimmel

This is not a popular immigration policy — 67% of Americans oppose it. Even Melania released a statement saying she hates to see families separated. Partly because it makes her jealous. “Why can't I get separated?” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That number jumps to 100 percent if you only ask the animals (Trump once called Ronald Reagan a con man)

"Sarah Palin has a 61 percent unfavorable rating in Alaska. That number jumps to 100 percent if you only ask the animals." –Conan O'Brien

"Ann Romney...is defending her husband for once strapping the family dog to the roof of their station wagon on a family trip, saying, 'The dog loved it.' Unfortunately the dog could not be reached for comment because he ran away to stay with Michael Vick." –Conan O'Brien

"It just came out that Donald Trump once called Ronald Reagan a con man who couldn't deliver the goods.' Trump also called Abraham Lincoln 'a bearded moron who couldn't even sit through an hour of theater.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Please do not lump us in with those maniacs (a BLT)

June 2012

"A man is filing a lawsuit against Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, claiming they have ties to al-Qaida. When al-Qaida heard this, they said, 'Please do not lump us in with those maniacs.'" –Conan O'Brien

"New Jersey's Chris Christie is under fire for calling a politician he doesn't like an 'S.O.B.' Meanwhile, Christie calls a politician he does like a 'B.L.T.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney reminds me of the guy in high school who only has friends because his parents have a swimming pool." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s actually what Mike Pence said on his honeymoon (making your next four years a living nightmare)

December 2020

“Seriously, Bill Barr is quitting now? That’s like waiting until the last five minutes of ‘The Emoji Movie’ to walk out of the theater.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, McConnell told Biden and Harris congrats, and then said, ‘I’m looking forward to making your next four years a living nightmare.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Vladimir Putin scent a message to President-elect Joe Biden saying ‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you.’ That’s actually what Mike Pence said on his honeymoon.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”