including asking him why God didn’t answer his prayers for smaller ears (nice little naps)

Based on Trump’s social media activity, there were only five nights over the last month when the president could have possibly gotten a full night’s sleep. Now, in fairness Trump does take nice little naps, mostly during the national security meetings. —Jimmy Kimmel

The strait of Hormuz has not been reopened. While Trump claims that the US is close to a deal, it is still very much in flux, as in what the flux are we doing over there? —Jimmy Kimmel

Trump has been issuing more threats this week. Trump’s list of threats is now longer than Kash Patel’s bar tab. —Jimmy Kimmel

This week will also see Marco Rubio being sent to make nice with the pope including asking him why God didn’t answer his prayers for smaller ears. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because you know who left the last supper early? (that’s only because it’s never been worse)

 

A happy tax day to all who celebrate. Reports about the Iran War has driven consumer sentiment to its lowest level in 70 years. It turns out that 1956 is as far back as the numbers go, meaning that consumer confidence is at the lowest ever recorded. It may sound bad, but that’s only because it’s never been worse. —Stephen Colbert    

Vice President JD Vance commented at a Tuesday event about the Pope’s criticism of Trump’s Iran war. “I think it’s very important for the Pope to be careful when he talks about matters of theology.” Hey, JD, I know you’re Catholic, but you joined in 2019, OK? I’ve been genuflecting since the mid-1960s. I think you’re out over your Catholic skis here, OK? I think it’s time for you to sit down, then stand back up. Then kneel. Then stand again. Then shake hands with people around you. Then kneel a little more, then go take communion, then go back to your pew for some more kneeling, because you’re not sneaking out of here after communion. Because you know who left the last supper early? Judas. —Stephen Colbert    

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.”
 

You both historically care deeply about the same thing (It’s never great when someone says...)

 

There have been public clashes between Donald Trump and Pope Leo XIV, which began when the pope delivered a beautiful, compassionate message for the Easter holiday calling for peace around the world. It does not come into my brain that anyone in the world hearing the Pope’s message of peace will have some kind of weird problem with it. Except for Trump, who posted on his social media website Truth Social that the leader of the Catholic church was “weak” and a “loser”. I am really starting to sour on this president. Look, President Trump, I know the Vatican’s been critical of your policies, but you gotta remember that at the end of the day you and the Catholic church both historically care deeply about the same thing – covering up sex scandals. —Jon Stewart

President Trump has criticized the pope, whom he has called a “loser”. According to one Italian religious historian, not even Hitler or Mussolini attacked the pope so directly and publicly. It’s never great when someone says, ‘You should really be more discreet and respectful. You know, like Hitler.’ —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.”
 

Mission accomplished … in a manner of speaking (once they get the wheels back)

The Ford Motor Company announced it's giving the Pope a custom Explorer. It was built in Chicago, and the Pope will receive it once they get the wheels back. —Greg Gutfeld 

The war with Iran is costing $6 Billion a day. Still, President Trump told CBS News: “I think the war is very complete … pretty much.” Yes, very complete, pretty much. Just like that famous banner: Mission accomplished … in a manner of speaking. —Stephen Colbert 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Somehow, I finished ahead of the pope. Eat it, Leo! (How did I beat Diddy this year?)

On Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel celebrated his designation as the third-most-trending person on Google for the year 2025. And I just want to say, I couldn’t have done this — none of this would ever have happened without the support of loyal viewers like President Trump, who has done so much this year to raise awareness of our show. Thank you, Mr. President. for making me No. 3 in the world. — Jimmy Kimmel

“Somehow, I finished ahead of the pope. Eat it, Leo!” — Jimmy Kimmel 

“I beat Diddy! How did I beat Diddy this year?” — Jimmy Kimmel

 https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I could not be more proud, which is a sin, and now I'm ashamed (I was worried it was Kanye)

Well, the Catholic Church has elected the first-ever pope from America, and as an American Catholic, I could not be more proud, which is a sin, and now I'm ashamed. —Colin Jost

This pick was actually a welcomed surprise for me, because when I heard the pope was a super-religious guy from Chicago in a funny robe, I was worried it was Kanye. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're on to the collusion! (something so juvenile)

President Trump says Catholics loved an image he posted of him dressed as the Pope last week, but I just find it hard to believe that anyone in the Catholic Church would be into something so juvenile. —Michael Che

85-year-old Motown legend Smokey Robinson has been accused of sexual assault by four of his former housekeepers. Robinson plans to beat the charges by being dead soon. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Trump immediately made him the ambassador to the Vatican (Let's get this straight)

Pope Leo's brother's been reposting on X calling Nancy Pelosi a quote drunk c-word, end quote. Which isn't fair. She’s not always drunk. After seeing this President Trump immediately made him the ambassador to the Vatican. —Greg Gutfeld

North Carolina Congressman Tim Moore has posted a video of a secret tunnel beneath the Capitol building. So I guess we now know where Maxine Waters breeds the possums for her wigs. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Prevost chose the name Pope Leo XIV, in honor of Leonardo of Caprio (Now, let’s end by saying daaaaaaa prayers)

I am especially excited that Prevost was raised in Chicago, which means I can no longer imitate the pope using an Italian accent. From now on, the pope is going to sound like this: ‘Hey there, it’s your buddy Leo. The deep dish Papa. Just talked to God, and not even he can help the White Sox, sorry. First order of business, I’ll be canonizing Michael Jordan. Now, let’s end by saying daaaaaaa prayers.’ —Stephen Colbert

The Vatican’s got that new pope smell! Robert Francis Prevost will become the first American pope. The thing about becoming pope is that you also have to leave your old name behind, which works out great for him, because I’m pretty sure Prevost is also the name of a weight loss medication. Prevost chose the name Pope Leo XIV, in honor of Leonardo of Caprio. —Stephen Colbert

And Colbert was most excited about the fact that Prevost once criticized JD Vance, the vice-president, on Twitter, posting: “JD Vance is wrong: Jesus doesn’t ask us to rank our love for others.” Holy Father, you had me at JD Vance is wrong. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

this must’ve been what it felt like when they opened the first Olive Garden (truck nuts)

I’m actually surprised at how excited I was when I heard this. An American who grew up here, watched all the shows we watched, rooted for our teams is now in Rome at the head of the church. Italy and America – this must’ve been what it felt like when they opened the first Olive Garden. —Jimmy Kimmel

Thursday was an exciting day for Catholics and for America, as Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost was elected the new pope. Against all odds, he is one of us. An American pope. The pope-mobile is now a Ford F-250 with truck nuts. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”