they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation (getting rid of the taste)

Jon Stewart returned to his Monday perch for The Daily Show’s new season amid rampant speculation over the president’s health, after he wasn’t seen in public for several days over Labor Day weekend. “You people, you reporters, have no chill! Guy can’t take a few days for some R&R and a non-surgical breast reduction without everybody suddenly pulling out the toe tags? It does say something about the ubiquity of Donald Trump in our lives that we don’t hear from him for 20 minutes and we’re like: ‘He’s dead!’ Of course Trump didn’t die in office. But I wouldn’t put it past him, trying once again to take credit for something Biden had already accomplished.” —Jon Stewart

At the US Open tennis match, Trump sat in the Rolex booth – anything with a crown is like catnip to him, he can’t resist it. And once again, all eyes were on his hands. The president’s right hand was obviously plastered with some kind of putty that did not match the color of his skin. Between his face, his neck and his hand, his skin has more colors than a Sherwin-Williams store right now. It’s too bad he hates drag queens, because they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which explains why Goofy is missing all but two teeth (Do Not Resuscitate)

Mark Zuckerberg completed day two of his congressional testimony about security breaches. Things got a little tense when Zuckerberg referred to each senator by their PIN number. --Conan O’Brien

DEA officials have seized 500 pounds of meth concealed inside Disney figurines, which explains why Goofy is missing all but two teeth. --Conan O’Brien

A 104-year-old man just became the oldest person in the world to get a first tattoo. The tattoo says, "Do Not Resuscitate." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was hidden in a copy of Black Tail magazine (everyone in the crowd took a hit of nitros and bit a cop)

January 2023

A drag queen who claims she performed with George Santos said that George did not have the glamour to be a professional, but she said another draw queen in congress is actually slaying it as the character, Marjorie Taylor Green. —Michael Che

Earlier today, the FBI searched President Biden’s Delaware home and found six additional Obama era classified documents. Worse, one of them was Obama’s real birth certificate. It was hidden in a copy of Black Tail magazine. —Michael Che

Florida governor Ron DeSantis has proposed a new policy permanently banning mask mandates and vaccine requirements saying that, ‘when the world lost its mind, Florida was a refuge of sanity.’ Then everyone in the crowd took a hit of nitros and bit a cop. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You may be a Kiwi but at 42, you are constitutionally old enough to be a president’s grandchild (a wedding between the green M&M and a Covid vaccine)

January 2023

“Jacinda Ardern has resigned as prime minister of New Zealand, saying she ‘no longer had enough in the tank’ to do the job. ‘It’s time,’ Ardern, who has served for six years, said in her announcement. Wait a second – she’s leaving because it’s the right thing to do? She didn’t lose an election or steal classified documents or have a Boris Johnson sex party? Are you Kiwis sure you know how democracy works? Do you even have one deranged pillow salesman? You’re the only world leader that I’m friends with. Don’t make me start hanging out with Justin Trudeau! Sure he’s pretty to look at, but he smells like hot yoga and poutine. Prime Minister Ardern, please rest up, because we need you to come to America to run in 2024. You may be a Kiwi but at 42, you are constitutionally old enough to be a president’s grandchild.” —Stephen Colbert

“In American political news, there is yet another complication in the backstory of the disgraced GOP congressman George Santos. According to new reports, the New York Republican used to perform as a drag queen in Brazilian pageants. Wow, George Santos did something interesting! All his other lies are super boring, like ‘I worked at a bank’ or ‘my mother is a volleyball.’ Santos allegedly performed under the stage name Kitara Ravache. Really? That’s what he went with? I would’ve gone with something fun, like Anita Alibi or Ivana Pawnyourjewelry. Santos has denied his past as a drag queen, and I can understand why. His party, the GOP, has declared war on drag queens all over the country the past year. They don’t care that Santos is a serial liar who steals money intended for dying dogs. But for Republicans, finding out that he performs drag would be as bad as finding out that he officiated a wedding between the green M&M and a Covid vaccine.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”