We have a very busty waitress today (rub one out and get back to work!)

President Trump praised Senator Jon Husted’s physique during recent campaign rallies, telling attendees that he had examined many parts of his body, including his rear end. “Yes, you live your truth, Donald, go find a man and take him dancing in your big gay ballroom.” — Michael Kosta

“And MAGA, if you’re upset by this, you were the ones who love Trump ‘cause he says whatever he’s thinking.’ But that’s a double-edged sword. Because sometimes you get ‘I hate immigrants’, and sometimes you get ‘reincarnate me as a desk chair so this guy can sit on my face all day’.” — Michael Kosta

“But if Donald Trump’s not secretly gay, but what he definitely is, is an 80-year-old man. That’s the age where the filter starts to slip and Grandpa just says out loud anything that pops into his head, like leaning over at the restaurant, going, ‘We have a very busty waitress today.’” — Michael Kosta

“OK, so you examined his shoulders, his feet and his jawline? Does Trump think Jon Husted is a horse? ‘I fed him a carrot. I brushed his beautiful mane.’” — Michael Kosta

“Trump has now spent more time thinking about this guy’s butt then how to end the Iran war. Mr President, rub one out and get back to work!” — Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Man, if the Justice Department still existed, you’d be in so much trouble (She left a paper trail about not leaving a paper trail)

An article in The Wall Street Journal reported that Kimberly Guilfoyle, the U.S. ambassador to Greece, had asked a political donor to pay off a $100,000 credit card bill. Man, if the Justice Department still existed, you’d be in so much trouble. — Michael Kosta

“Wow, that was not subtle. Usually it’s, ‘Meet me in the parking lot with a suitcase full of bills.’ But Guilfoyle was like, ‘Here is a PDF with instructions for how to send me a bribe.’” — Michael Kosta

“And damn, a $100,000 credit card bill? Now her current job makes sense: ‘Hmm, we need a new ambassador who really understands Greece. Kimberly, you’re deep in debt. You’d be perfect!’” — Michael Kosta

“Whoa, real criminal mastermind we got here. She left a paper trail about not leaving a paper trail. Didn’t help that she named the group chat ‘Paper Trail (Crimes).’” — Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sometimes I also start at the bottom of my to-do list (tomorrow's bread)

“President Trump said in a recent post on Truth Social that he supports a Senate bill that would end daylight-saving time and added, ‘Who wouldn’t want more SUN in the afternoon than in the morning?’ Sure, OK, daylight-saving time. Sometimes I also start at the bottom of my to-do list.” — Michael Kosta

“Finally a crisis that Trump takes seriously — being late for dinner.” — Michael Kosta 

As Trump’s approval ratings get lower, something curious happens: somehow his engine fills up with more and more self-esteem. —Jimmy Kimmel 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hold for booing (the Iran war championship T-shirt merch we had to throw away)

“Well, get this, last night during a speech in North Carolina, Trump said high gas prices are a ‘very inexpensive price to pay’ for the war. Then his teleprompter said, ‘Hold for booing.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“We’ve got a problem with diesel, and I mean the fuel source, not the brand of jeans worn exclusively by disgusting Europeans. And the cost is even more when you count all the military bases we have to repair, all the equipment we’ll have to fix, all the Iran war championship T-shirt merch we had to throw away.” — Michael Kosta

“I’m starting to think it’s bad that our entire economy is built on extracting oil from incredibly narrow waterways in the world’s most volatile region.” — Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s two trips to the grocery store (we should be faking our own death and starting a new life in Thailand)

During his keynote speech at the G.O.P. midterm convention in Dallas on Wednesday, President Trump promised that he would give every American $5,000 if Republicans retained control of both the House and Senate in the upcoming elections. $5,000? That’s two trips to the grocery store. — Michael Kosta

“I like how Trump calls this a dividend. Do you know when businesses hand out dividends? When they’re raking in money. The last time I checked, we, as a country, have negative $40 trillion of money. America should not be handing out dividends — we should be faking our own death and starting a new life in Thailand.” — Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Rocky took the chairlift (putting raisins on rice)

Tuesday marked the third consecutive day of US airstrikes in Iran after the country said that it would charge tolls for ships to pass through the strait of Hormuz. Meanwhile, Trump has announced his own plans to charge a 20% toll on cargo shipped that passes through the strait. How did we end up like this? We’re a global superpower and we’re haggling over tolls with the Iranians. We’re not going to beat the Iranians at haggling – they invented it, and putting raisins on rice. —Michael Kosta 

Donald Trump had a lackluster reaction while greeting IndyCar racing drivers at the White House. Maybe it didn’t have that Eye of the Tiger energy. This would be like, if instead of running up the steps of the museum, Rocky took the chairlift. —Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm just going to keep saying this (plus 36 weeks vacation time)

Senator Lindsey Graham has died. When asked by a news host whether we know the full story about his death, Trump said: “Well, I think we do. We have great doctors and they talked about, you know, a certain part of his body literally blew up.” It’s actually a fairly common cause of death. We all remember when Queen Elizabeth II died after her vagina went boom. —Michael Kosta 

Shortly after Lindsey  Graham’s passing, it was announced that his sister Darline Graham would be his interim replacement in the Senate. A Senate seat? That’s an inheritance jackpot! Most people just get a garage full of damp boxes. —Michael Kosta

Darline Graham’s qualifications differ from those normally expected of Senate members, with a job history that has focused on government agencies helping the blind. She is currently president-elect of the national council of state agencies to the blind. If anything, she’s overqualified. I’m worried she’ll make the other senators look bad, which would be embarrassing for the ones who know where they are right now. —Michael Kosta

Let’s move on, because Lindsey’s sister will have her work cut out for her for the next five months, plus 36 weeks vacation time. —Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Historically, some of them involve catapults (because rich people tell them to)

President Trump is teasing us about using “other methods” for staying in office for an illegal third term. Yes, there are other methods. You tried one a few years ago, I think it was on January 6th. There are other methods for staying in power beyond when you are legally allowed to be there. Historically, some of them involve catapults. —Jon Stewart

On The Daily Show, Michael Kosta examined how the US market lost $2.5 Trillion in value in a day. “$2.5 Trillion vaporized. Your kids’ college? Disintegrated. Your 401k given the death penalty. Your pension waterboarded at Guantánamo. Those stocks your nana gave you 20 years ago accidentally stepped on a landmine while vacationing in Vietnam. Economists say we could be on the verge of a recession, so things are looking scary right now. But don’t worry – the only thing the president is better at than negotiating is speaking soothing words of comfort in times of need.” —Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You lose 100% of the elections Democrats and Republicans Win (Fast and Furious)

And on the Daily Show, guest host Michael Kosta ribbed Democrats for their week of DNC themes – Monday: For the People. Tuesday: A Bold Vision for America’s Future. Wednesday: A Fight for Our Freedoms. Thursday: For Our Future. How do you have themes that are so vague and then still run out of ideas by Thursday? This is like when the Fast and the Furious movies ran out of different ways to say that the movies would be fast and furious. —Michael Kosta

“Each night of the convention has its own theme, and tonight’s was ‘For the People.’ Yeah, it’s a big change from a month ago, when the theme was ‘For the Last Time, Please Drop Out.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“President Biden gave a speech highlighting his accomplishments. He talked about the economy, health care and how he walked to the podium.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Surprise, it’s Kamala! Which one month ago became the Democrats’ campaign slogan.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s how I know you really want to be president (Everyone gets one rock and we put it in a jar)

“In the wake of the Iowa voting-app debacle, New Hampshire’s secretary of state, Bill Gardner, reassured CBS This Morning that the primary was ‘app-free’ and thus secure. It’s funny how a few years ago, people were like guys, we’ve got to vote with our phones, it’s the future! But now, thanks to the disaster in Iowa, it’s like: ‘We’re going back to how our forefathers did this, OK? Everyone gets one rock and we put it in a jar.’” —Trevor Noah

“If you have to spend a year campaigning in Miami, everyone would be running for president. But if you’re willing to spend a year in Iowa and New Hampshire, eating bland food in sub-zero temperatures pretending to care about how big a pumpkin is? That’s how I know you really want to be president.” —Michael Kosta, The Daily Show

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”