"Experts say that what happened in Egypt proves that countries in
the Middle East can move toward democracy without the U.S.
invading them. George W. Bush said, 'Now you tell me.'"
–Jay Leno
"Wal-Mart announced it's cutting over 11,000 jobs. Wal-Mart said it's cheaper to fire people in bulk." –Jay Leno
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
While most eyes have been trained on Donald Trump’s criminal hush-money trial in New York, we are looking at America’s other major political corruption trial: that of the New Jersey senator Robert Menendez.
The 70-year-old senator faces 16 counts of federal bribery charges for allegedly conspiring with his wife, Nadine, to accept bribes from wealthy businessmen in exchange for political favors to help the governments of Qatar and Egypt. The prosecution’s evidence recovered from Menendez’s house includes boots stuffed with cash, gold bars, a Mercedes-Benz convertible, furniture, exercise equipment and cash found in the lining of the senator’s embroidered congressional jacket.
Upon returning from a trip to Egypt, Menendez also Googled “how much is one kilo of gold worth?” Menendez has proclaimed innocence. According to the New York Times, he said his cash habit was the result of “traumatic” family history. [As Menendez] “They are simply my emotional support gold bars? Whenever I’m not with them, I get anxious. We respond to trauma in different ways.”
But perhaps the dumbest thing about this entire, not-quite-believable Real Housewives episode is how unnecessary it all is. You, sir, are an elected official in America’s most respected legislative body. It’s like a license to print money. You don’t need to break the law so cartoonishly when the legal corruption in the Senate is so fucking lucrative. The trial occasioned a new Daily Show segment: “Senator Robert Menendez, how dumb is you?”
As Stewart explained: “Promising favors to foreign entities for a little chump change on the side? It’s bush league when as a US senator you can enrich yourself in so many different, let’s call them ‘legal’, ways.” The host let Menendez in on the workings of insider trading, writing laws that benefit a side business, “like the way Senator Chuck Grassley netted $370,000 in farm subsidies” and leadership PACs that essentially operate as lobbyist slush funds. “A pharma lobbyist cannot buy a senator a panini and some NyQuil,” he said, “but through the Pac, they can pay for five-star hotels for Senator Kristen Gillibrand, luxury resorts for Ted Cruz and even golf lessons for Rand Paul.
“At every turn, our Congress and our courts have been given a choice: be less corrupt, or redefine what constitutes corruption and get on with your bad selves,” Stewart added. “Robert Menendez’s gold bars in exchange for favorable legislation is obviously cartoonishly corrupt, but for anyone out there who thinks the status quo of government patronage and influence is of an entirely different species than Menendez … how dumb is you?” —Jon Stewart
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Monopoly is getting a big makeover. They want to make the Monopoly game more modern and bring it up to date to reflect our current culture. Like, in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail." –Jay Leno
"Experts say that what happened in Egypt proves that countries in the Middle East can move toward democracy without the U.S. invading them. George W. Bush said, 'Now you tell me.'" –Jay Leno
"President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it's talking about." –Jay Leno
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Donald Trump accused media outlets this morning of deliberately editing his words to make him come across in a bad light. Also making Trump come across in a bad light – light. –Seth Meyers
The U.N. General Assembly began today, and Donald Trump was scheduled to meet with the president of Egypt. Said Trump, “Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Tut.” –Seth Meyers
An Oregon romance novelist who published an essay titled "How to Murder Your Husband" was arrested yesterday, for the alleged murder of her husband. But her lawyer is more concerned about her other essay, "How to Poison Your Lawyer." --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced he is against medical marijuana in the state because it could hurt the tourism industry. Then Jamaica was like, 'You sure man?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Oh this isn't good. The Secret Service just arrested 13 people in New Jersey who were making counterfeit money. Which got worse when the counterfeiters said, 'Are you sure this isn't something a seven-dollar bill can't get me out of?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Yesterday Egypt's foreign ministry called on the United States to show respect for the rights of protesters in Ferguson, Missouri. Yeah, Egypt said that. Man, talk about living in glass pyramids." –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
A man used a fake bomb to hijack an EgyptAir flight. Here's the crazy part — it was all an attempt to deliver a love letter to his ex-wife who he was trying to win back. So relax, everyone. It’s not terrorism, just good old stalking and harassment. I don't know about you, but to me it looks like someone forgot to check his emotional baggage. –James Corden
This is just like a romantic comedy. The man was like, “I'm just a hijacker, standing in front of his hostages, asking them to deliver this letter to my ex.” This guy was really feeling bad about his breakup. Cops knew he wasn't your average terrorist when a list of his demands included sweatpants, ice cream, and an Adele CD. I feel sorry for this guy. I feel like I want to give him some advice and say to him, “If you have to hijack a plane, she's just not that into you.” –James Corden
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Fidel Castro's stepping down as the leader of Cuba. He'll be replaced by his brother, Raul. It's true, yeah. According to the State Department, Raul Castro is the Jim Belushi of Central America." --Conan O'Brien
"President Bush delivered a Passover greeting to the Jewish people. Bush explained that Passover celebrates that great day when Jews were led out of Egypt by the Easter Bunny." --Conan O'Brien
"It's now been reported that Britain did pass information on to U.S. authorities about the attempted underwear bomber, but the U.S. disregarded it. In part, that's because the British intelligence referred to him as 'a bloke with boomzy-woomzy in his knickers.'" –Conan O'Brien
"King Jung Nam, the brother of North Korean leader Kim Jung Un, said that as a leader his younger brother will fail. When he heard this, Kim Jung Un was so upset at his older brother, he yelled, 'I'm telling Kim Jung Mom.'" –Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Yesterday John Boehner led a group of 20 Republicans to see President Obama. Unfortunately when they got to the White House, the president was still black." –Bill Maher
"This NBC News poll has Republicans freaking out. They're having what they call now a 'boomerang effect.' Whatever Republicans were going against, Big Government and Obamacare, now is more popular than ever. I love the Tea Party, they are the ultimate beer goggles, they make everyone look better." –Bill Maher
"A lot of Republicans are blaming Obama for all of this unrest in the Middle East. Right, you know what, if we were attacked in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen, George Bush would know what to do. Invade Iraq." –Bill Maher
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Donald Trump accused media outlets this morning of deliberately editing his words to make him come across in a bad light. Also making Trump come across in a bad light – light. –Seth Meyers
The U.N. General Assembly began today, and Donald Trump was scheduled to meet with the president of Egypt. Said Trump, “Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Tut.” –Seth Meyers
The New York Times revealed today that Tim Kaine travels with six harmonicas in his briefcase. He carries so many because they’re constantly getting slapped out of his hands. –Seth Meyers
"In a recent promotion, Mitt Romney is offering donors a chance to win a ride on his campaign plane. But if you know how Mitt Romney travels, this is one contest you don't want to win." (on screen: a picture of someone strapped to the roof of his plane) –Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"A lot of Republicans are blaming Obama for all of this unrest in the Middle East. Right, you know what, if we were attacked in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen, George Bush would know what to do. Invade Iraq." –Bill Maher
"The leader in this movement to defund Obamacare is Ted Cruz, the senator from Texas. He said, 'I will do anything and everything possible to defund Obamacare.' Really, how about lighting yourself on fire?" –Bill Maher
"Why is everything so off limits with Mitt Romney? We can't ask him about his taxes, we can't ask him about Bain Capital, his business for 25 years, we can't ask him about his religion. How can a guy who is such a boring cypher have so many secrets? It’s like waterboarding Ryan Seacrest." –Bill Maher
"Anthony Weiner did not really exit in a very classy way. After his concession speech, as he was leaving, the press was taunting him, and they got a picture through the window of the car of him holding up his middle finger. At least we hope that was his middle finger." –Bill Maher
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Yesterday Egypt's foreign ministry called on the United States to show respect for the rights of protesters in Ferguson, Missouri. Yeah, Egypt said that. Man, talk about living in glass pyramids." –Jimmy Fallon
Meanwhile, the New York Jets are 1000-to-1 long shots to win the Super Bowl. That means if you bet just one dollar... you will lose just one dollar. –Jimmy Fallon
Congressional leaders are still upset with President Trump’s decision on the DACA immigration plan. They called it “brainless,” “heartless,” and “cowardly.” All Trump needs are some ruby slippers, and he’s off to see the wizard! –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Yesterday, at a big campaign rally, Sarah Palin drew a crowd of 60,000 people. Yeah, after hearing about it, Joe Biden got new glasses and a boob job." --Conan O'Brien
"President Bush delivered a Passover greeting to the Jewish people. Bush explained that Passover celebrates that great day when Jews were led out of Egypt by the Easter Bunny." --Conan O'Brien
"Speaking of cheating, Senator John McCain has been accused of having an affair with a woman who was a lobbyist for a cable television company. During their affair, the cable lobbyist would show up at McCain's house sometime between 8:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m." --Conan O'Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and a politician? A cat doesn't pretend to care about you.” –Jay Leno
"In his speech tonight, President Obama urged Congress to raise the minimum wage. Now don’t confuse that with congressional minimum wage. See, that’s doing the minimum for your wage. That’s completely different." –Jay Leno
"Experts say that what happened in Egypt proves that countries in the Middle East can move toward democracy without the U.S. invading them. George W. Bush said, 'Now you tell me.'" –Jay Leno
"The Olympics start Friday and Russia's implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. The government will monitor every email. They will monitor every social media message and they will listen in on every phone call. In fact, people are now comparing Russia to the United States. That's how bad it is." –Jay Leno
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Yesterday Rick Santorum greeted the locals by telling them if Puerto Rico wants to become a state, they need to start speaking English. Only Rick Santorum would go to someone's native land and tell them they're speaking the wrong language." –Jimmy Kimmel
Donald Trump is right now gearing up for his first State of the Union speech; it’s tomorrow night. State of the Union is the one day of the year presidents are supposed to brag about their accomplishments. So he’s been training for this really for his whole life. --Jimmy Kimmel
According to the Annual Happiness Report the top 10 were Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, Norway, Finland, Canada, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Australia, and Sweden. Basically all the countries represented in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. –Jimmy Kimmel
"Tiger Woods called a press conference for Friday morning. Only select journalists will be invited and no questions will be taken. Essentially, we’re going to listen to him read. Maybe he’ll announce a new batch of mistresses for 2010." –Jimmy Kimmel
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“There have been a series of extreme natural events lately, from heatwaves in many parts of the US to the emergence of cicadas. It’s never a good sign when the weather forecast ends with ‘just as the Bible foretold’, but it has been happening.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Cicadas have swarmed parts of the eastern US after 17 years underground, looking to mate like a bunch of horny teenagers on prom night. They’re an interesting creature: the reason they all come out at the same time is because it makes it impossible for predators to eat all of them at once. It’s like bottomless breadsticks at Olive Garden, but for bugs.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Between Covid, the heat and these cicadas, it’s like someone figured out an algorithm to make sure we never go outside the house. I suspect Netflix is behind this.” —Jimmy Kimmel
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night
of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"According to the Labor Department, unemployment fell from 8.3 percent to 8.1 percent last month. But that's because 368,000 Americans gave up looking for work. Today, President Obama said that's a step in the right direction, and he is encouraging more Americans to give up looking for work." –Jay Leno
"Anti-American crowds have been protesting and burning American flags over that anti-Islamic film. And the U.S. is now bracing for more protests next week when the film comes out on Blu-ray." –Jay Leno
"I'm watching the news, and I see these protesters in countries like Egypt, Afghanistan, Tunisia. They're all burning American flags. Where are they getting all these flags? If you hate us so much, how do you have a large supply of flags on hand?" –Jay Leno
"All over the world people are chanting, 'Death to America.' Except in China, where they're chanting, 'Not until we get our money back.'" –Jay Leno
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"It's nice to know that no matter how bad things get in the Middle East, Mitt Romney is always there to make them worse. You saw him this week when our embassies were under attack, before any facts were in he tried to score political points because he sees everything as a business opportunity. This is a man who would sell ad time during a moment of silence." –Bill Maher
"A lot of Republicans are blaming Obama for all of this unrest in the Middle East. Right, you know what, if we were attacked in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen, George Bush would know what to do. Invade Iraq." –Bill Maher
"Mitt Romney went on live with Kelly and Michael and tried to answer these hardball questions. He was asked what he wears to bed. He said, 'as little as possible." Wow, there's a switch, Romney giving too much information." –Bill Maher
"Romney told us all about their sex life. Sometimes he and Ann turn off the lights and play 'find my tax returns.'" –Bill Maher
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
“A giant container ship is blocking the Suez Canal, one of the world’s most important maritime arteries, causing a traffic jam of more than 100 ships at each end. And I feel so bad for the captain of that ship that got stuck in the canal because, like, we’ve all been there, trying to make a U-turn on a narrow street. But now imagine how much more stressful it must be when you know that if you back up wrong, you might bump Egypt.” —Trevor Noah
“I also feel bad for the guys behind that ship, because it’s not like there’s a lot of alternate routes. Can you imagine if you are on one of those ships looking at your Waze app like, ‘What? Go around Africa?’” —Trevor Noah
“What this situation really shows is how even in this age of technology, we still depend on old-school things like cargo ships and canals. I mean, think about it: Right now we can use our wireless computer phone to buy a hologram with cryptocurrency, but at the same time, big boat got stuck, water too small.” —Trevor Noah
“But when you look at how big that ship is, I’m not surprised it got stuck. And the crazy thing is that whole ship is just delivering two AA batteries. Yeah, the rest is just extra packaging.” —Trevor Noah
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of
Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"It's the 24th day of the Occupy Wall Street protests, also known as the largest homeless slumber party in the world. Some protesters brought their kids to the demonstrations. Some of the kids got bored and decided to occupy Sesame Street instead." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Christopher Columbus was an Italian explorer who came to exploit our native population and infect them with smallpox. And 500 years later, we've exacted our revenge by sending Snooki to Italy." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years to lead his people out of Egypt, but he could do it in 30 minutes or less." –Conan O'Brien
"California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up." –Conan O'Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
