drunker than a ship captain in the Suez Canal (You got this, right?)

“Joe Biden’s press conference. It was quite the event. If you did a

shot every time Biden said, ‘Look, folks,’ you got drunker than

a ship captain in the Suez Canal.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There were a lot of questions today about immigration after

Biden announced that Vice President Harris will be overseeing

the challenges at the U.S.-Mexico border. It’s similar to how

Trump put Pence in charge of handling the pandemic. When

the going get tough, presidents are like, ‘You got this, right?’”

—Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s so big, the Suez Canal would get stuck in it (People who buy this, also buy this)

May 2021

“The pandemic has been a boom time for billionaires, and they are using their profits to give back to hard-hit communities, as long as those communities build giant, shiny new yachts. Today, we learned that Bezos will soon receive delivery of a $500 million megayacht. Don’t know exactly when it will be delivered, but we do know it will come in a much bigger box.” —Stephen Colbert

“The yacht is 417 feet long. It’s so big, the Suez Canal would get stuck in it.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The founder of Amazon is reportedly building a $500 million superyacht that is so big, it requires a ‘support yacht’ to travel with it. This is like the billionaire version of having a second fridge in your garage.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“It sounds like an old-time comedian’s routine, doesn’t it? Jeff Bezos is so rich, even his boats have got boats. Bezos is so rich, when he goes to the A.T.M., the A.T.M. asks him for money.” —James Corden

“Truth is, Bezos didn’t really need the support yacht, but Amazon did one of these upsells where they go, ‘People who buy this, also buy this.’” —James Corden

“You can tell which one is the support yacht because it has that little vest. That way, you can take the yacht on the plane with you.” —Stephen Colbert

“Here’s why Bezos needs it: The mommy yacht will be powered with the assistance of three giant masts, and those sails mean it will not support a helipad, so they need a separate ship with a dedicated landing facility. I mean, who hasn’t needed a separate yacht just for his helicopter?” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

drunker than a ship captain in the Suez Canal (You got this, right?)

March 2021

“There were a lot of questions today about immigration after Biden announced that Vice President Harris will be overseeing the challenges at the U.S.-Mexico border. It’s similar to how Trump put Pence in charge of handling the pandemic. When the going get tough, presidents are like, ‘You got this, right?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, after 64 days in office today, President Biden held his very first press conference. Normally, when a 78-year-old answers an hour of questions, they’re getting a physical.” —Jimmy Fallon

“During his first press conference today, President Biden said, quote, ‘I got elected to solve problems.’ Um, OK, so what do you know about boats and canals then?” —Seth Meyers

“It was quite the event. If you did a shot every time Biden said, ‘Look, folks,’ you got drunker than a ship captain in the Suez Canal.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, Biden talked about the biggest issues facing his presidency — the pandemic, the economy and Dr. Oz hosting ‘Jeopardy.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It’s a Dr. Seuss-themed gay wedding cake (it’s smart enough to go from sofa to brunch)

March 2021

“I get it — after a year of quarantine, nothing fits anymore. They should have put that ship into their stretchy canal. You know, the one that looks like denim, but gives, and it’s smart enough to go from sofa to brunch.” —Stephen Colbert

“I’ll give you a sense of how huge these container ships are: This one is as long as New York’s Empire State Building is tall. Well, there’s your problem. You should have sailed it through upright.” —Stephen Colbert

“In the wake of the Boulder and Atlanta shootings, many have once again called on Congress to pass gun safety legislation, while others are calling on the NRA to pass the money bucket. Republicans are trying the same old cynical of switching the subject away from guns to things like mental health or video games or ‘look over there! It’s a Dr. Seuss-themed gay wedding cake for the marriage of Pepé Le Pew and Mr Potato Head!’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

What? Go around Africa? (big boat got stuck, water too small)

March 2021

“A giant container ship is blocking the Suez Canal, one of the world’s most important maritime arteries, causing a traffic jam of more than 100 ships at each end. And I feel so bad for the captain of that ship that got stuck in the canal because, like, we’ve all been there, trying to make a U-turn on a narrow street. But now imagine how much more stressful it must be when you know that if you back up wrong, you might bump Egypt.” —Trevor Noah

“I also feel bad for the guys behind that ship, because it’s not like there’s a lot of alternate routes. Can you imagine if you are on one of those ships looking at your Waze app like, ‘What? Go around Africa?’” —Trevor Noah

“What this situation really shows is how even in this age of technology, we still depend on old-school things like cargo ships and canals. I mean, think about it: Right now we can use our wireless computer phone to buy a hologram with cryptocurrency, but at the same time, big boat got stuck, water too small.” —Trevor Noah

“But when you look at how big that ship is, I’m not surprised it got stuck. And the crazy thing is that whole ship is just delivering two AA batteries. Yeah, the rest is just extra packaging.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Right now he’s trending worldwide on Twitter as #dockblocker (Imagine blocking a whole hemisphere)

March 2021

“A giant container ship is blocking the Suez Canal, one of the world’s most important maritime arteries, causing a traffic jam of more than 100 ships at each end. Yeah, that’s a tough day for that captain. Right now he’s trending worldwide on Twitter as #dockblocker.” —Jimmy Fallon

“If you look closely, the ship has a tiny bumper sticker that says ‘student driver.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Do you know how stressful it is to parallel-park when there’s someone behind you? Imagine blocking a whole hemisphere.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”