You Sure This Is Legal? Institute (keeping it and expanding it wherever possible)

This week, CIA Director John Ratcliffe traveled to Cuba, which has run out of oil and is experiencing massive blackouts. We sent the CIA director because the FBI guy is also experiencing massive blackouts. —Colin Jost

Health Secretary RFK Jr., said during an Oval Office event, that, in 1970, men had twice the sperm count as our teenagers do today. The teenage sperm counts were measured at the You Sure This Is Legal? Institute. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers (they're complicit)

The Cuban government recently returned a missing U.S. missile that was sent to Europe for training, but was accidentally shipped to Cuba. So the good news is that the missile was returned to America. But the bad news is THAT CAN HAPPEN! –Jimmy Fallon

President Obama was spotted at a steak restaurant in D.C. This week with Morgan Freeman and Tom Hanks. They didn't even order anything. They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's nice to be back home in front of all of you capitalist pigs (Don’t Worry I Was Adopted)

"I had an amazing experience in Cuba. The people there are

fantastic. But I do have to say it's very nice to be back home in

front of all of you capitalist pigs."-Conan O'Brien

Despite Jeb Bush’s poor campaign, some analysts are already

talking about the political rise of his son, George P. Bush. George

P. Bush has already got his campaign slogan: "Don’t Worry I

Was Adopted." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's so annoying when your boss is disobedient (it's going to drive good people out of the fraud business)

"The House passed a bill where there's a tax now of 90% on the bonuses that these CEOs get. So, half the Republicans voted against this. They said this is exactly the kind of punitive taxation that's going to drive good people out of the fraud business." --Bill Maher

"Apparently Dick Cheney is coming out with a memoir, and he said during the second term, Bush stopped taking his advice. That has got to hurt. When the most gullible man in America stops buying your bulls**t. It's so annoying when your boss is disobedient." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just don't stop mining that Cobalt! (not in Cuba, at LaGuardia)

Barack Obama also spoke in Cuba yesterday and said that U.S. airlines will start making commercial flights to Cuba this year. But first, Obama said he wants to see a greater respect for human rights — not in Cuba, at LaGuardia. –Jimmy Fallon

Golfer Rory McIlroy said there should be a limit to how much alcohol fans can buy at events because they’re getting too rowdy. And also, he’s tired of hearing drunk people try to say “Rory McIlroy.” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Assuming the next guy is Dick Cheney (Dad, quit asking me that)

 

"Cuban doctors said today that Fidel Castro is recovering and is in better shape than the next guy. Assuming the next guy is Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

 "President Bush said he's often asked why we are in Iraq when Saddam Hussein isn't responsible for 9/11. Bush said all his responses are the same -- 'Dad, quit asking me that.'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hold my calls. This is not gonna end well (My Political Philosopy)

"Today President Obama announced that the U.S. is working to improve its relationship with Cuba in an effort to normalize full diplomatic relations. For instance, today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops." –Jimmy Fallon

"Joe Biden will assist in the 35th annual lighting of the National Menorah at the White House. When he heard that, Smokey Bear said, 'Hold my calls. This is not gonna end well.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How long before he starts bragging about this? (they are not my enemy)

The former president’s New York City trial, where he faces multiple charges, which is coming to an end as the jury deliberates. Trump is hoping for a hung jury. Of course he was also hoping for a hung Mike Pence but that didn’t happen. —Jimmy Kimmel 

“You do have to hand it to him, no president has ever been convicted more than Donald Trump. How long before he starts bragging about this?” —Jimmy Kimmel

After the verdict, Trump spoke to press about how the trial was “rigged” by a “conflicted” judge and promised his supporters that they would still be fighting to win the election in November. And if he doesn’t win, he’ll say he won anyway. The only thing he’s gonna be fighting to win is the Jell-o cup on his prison tray. —Jimmy Kimmel

The only Trump relative in court for the verdict was “stupid Eric” who then went on to tweet that 30 May would go down as the day that his father won the 2024 election. I think it will go down as the day that a jury spanked your dad even harder than Stormy did. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But don't worry, you'll still be able to see him on ABC's 'Dancing With the Stars.' (to help you get your numbers up)

"Mitt Romney spent something like $35 million of his own money. If he loses any more, he may have to run as a Democrat." -Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney is here in California to try and boost the campaigns of several of the Republican candidates out here. Boy, how low are you in the polls when you bring in Cheney to help you get your numbers up?" --Jay Leno

 

Fidel Castro has resigned today as the president of Cuba. But don't worry, you'll still be able to see him on ABC's 'Dancing With the Stars.'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Freedom for who? (it's already announced its support for Trump)

At Ohio State University, it was just announced that a tiny human brain has been grown in a lab. Isn't that crazy? And it's already announced its support for Trump for president. –Conan O’Brien

"Fox News host Glenn Beck has lost over 30 sponsors since he called President Obama a racist. And the latest sponsor that he just lost is Clorox bleach. That's amazing. Even a company whose sole purpose is to make things whiter thinks Glenn Beck has gone too far." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I hope this works because the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid (closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

"British Petroleum is going to try something new. They're going to try what they call a 'top kill.' That's where they shove a fluid that looks a lot like mud down into the well. I hope this works because the next idea involves Bruce Willis and an asteroid." –Bill Maher

"Good news in the oil situation. BP said they found a way to start breaking up their oil slick. The bad news is it involves a toxic chemical called Corexit 9527A. Apparently this is moving us further from a solution and closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The strangest transformation in human history (unbelievably without stopping to have sex once)

It was reported today that Cuba will open its first sex shop. It's called Fideldo's. --Seth Meyers

A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once. --Seth Meyers

Boeing is currently in possession of so many malfunctioning 737 MAX jets that they have started storing the planes in their employee parking lot. Either that or Jerry in marketing finally got that raise. “Wow! Wow, Jerry, looking good!” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Get the body you always wanted this summer!! (Which one of us are you talking to?)

 

"And last night during his speech, Bill Clinton promised to do everything he could to help Barack Obama win the election. And then Hillary said: That's nice. But you know Bill. Keeping promises is not his strong suit." --Jay Leno

"President Bush met with the president of China at the White House. The arrival ceremony was interrupted by a protester who started yelling, 'Stop the persecution, stop the torture!' President Bush had to ask, 'Which one of us are you talking to?'" --Jay Leno

 

"Fidel Castro ran Cuba for almost 50 years. And political analysts are now debating what kind of changes the Cuban people will hope for. I'm gonna guess: term limits." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Don't fall for the con (I won Evil Bingo!)

According to reports, Donald Trump Jr. spoke briefly last year

with a Russian banker with ties to Vladimir Putin while attending

an event hosted by the NRA. Wait, hold on one second. Don Jr.,

OK … Putin … NRA! I won Evil Bingo! –Seth Meyers

Police say a Texas man stabbed his roommate this weekend during a fight over a piece of fried chicken. So even if you don't eat the fried chicken, it will still find a way to kill you. –Seth Meyers

"The government in Cuba is encouraging citizens to have more children because the country has the lowest number of newborns in Latin America. And nothing gets you in the mood like a direct order from Fidel Castro." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The speech was stopped 72 times last night for applause and another 30 for subpoenas (It was hard to hear over the explosions)

"But Fidel Castro’s retirement will not change the relationship Cuba has with the United States. Cubans will still not legally be allowed to enter the United States unless they have an overpowering fastball." --David Letterman

"Vice President Dick Cheney, you know where he is right now? He's in Baghdad. He visited there. While he was in Iraq, he said that it's a successful endeavor. At least I think that's what he said. It was hard to hear over the explosions." --David Letterman

 

"President Bush's State of the Union address was stopped 72 times last night for applause and another 30 for subpoenas." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I do have to say it's very nice to be back home in front of all of you capitalist pigs (I thought he looked familiar)

"Yesterday during a speech on national security, Jeb Bush mispronounced Boko Haram and got confused between Iran and Iraq. When reached for comment, his brother George W. said, 'He sure sounds presidentiary to me.'" –Conan O'Brien

"I had an amazing experience in Cuba. People there are fantastic. But I do have to say it's very nice to be back home in front of all of you capitalist pigs."-Conan O'Brien

President Obama said that his very first job was scooping ice cream. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, "I thought he looked familiar." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know you’re doing something wrong when you’re getting cyber bullied by the Pope (Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea)

The Cuban government recently returned a missing U.S. missile that was sent to Europe for training, but was accidentally shipped to Cuba. So the good news is that the missile was returned to America. But the bad news is THAT CAN HAPPEN! –Jimmy Fallon

Last night was the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump scored a big victory, bringing him one step closer to the Republican nomination. A Trump presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea. –Jimmy Fallon

One of the big stories everyone’s talking about is the immigration debate. Pope Francis has actually been tweeting Bible references that oppose President Trump’s travel ban. You know you’re doing something wrong when you’re getting cyber bullied by the Pope. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Push button. We'll hear ya! (the Jim Belushi of Central America)

 

Fidel Castro's stepping down as the leader of Cuba. He'll be replaced by his brother, Raul. It's true, yeah. According to the State Department, Raul Castro is the Jim Belushi of Central America." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush delivered a Passover greeting to the Jewish people. Bush explained that Passover celebrates that great day when Jews were led out of Egypt by the Easter Bunny." --Conan O'Brien

"It's now been reported that Britain did pass information on to U.S. authorities about the attempted underwear bomber, but the U.S. disregarded it. In part, that's because the British intelligence referred to him as 'a bloke with boomzy-woomzy in his knickers.'" –Conan O'Brien

"King Jung Nam, the brother of North Korean leader Kim Jung Un, said that as a leader his younger brother will fail. When he heard this, Kim Jung Un was so upset at his older brother, he yelled, 'I'm telling Kim Jung Mom.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops (Hope and Pinot Grigio)

"Today President Obama announced that the U.S. is working to improve its relationship with Cuba in an effort to normalize full diplomatic relations. For instance, today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops." –Jimmy Fallon

"Today everyone was busy looking at all the different numbers, trying to figure out who voted for which candidate. President Obama beat Mitt Romney by 38 points among single women. They say it’s because of Obama’s final campaign slogan, 'Hope and Pinot Grigio.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Rand Paul, the senator from Kentucky, keeps getting into trouble. They say he actually plagiarized an entire section of his 2012 book, 'Government Bullies.' When asked for comment, Paul said, 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyways, who wants meat pies! I have a suspicious amount (Joe better get those nuclear codes back from Mar-a-Lago)

October 2022

“There are rising tensions with Putin’s Russia, as President Biden warned that we face the most serious prospect of Armageddon since Kennedy and the Cuban missile crisis. That is scary. Joe better get those nuclear codes back from Mar-a-Lago.” —Stephen Colbert 

“Also troubling: the US Department of Health and Human Services recently spent $290 million on a drug to treat radiation sickness, which they claimed was ‘coincidental’ timing. Yeah, it sounds so coincidental. It’s like saying, ‘Yeah, a lot of beefy men in the neighborhood have disappeared with no trace. Anyways, who wants meat pies! I have a suspicious amount.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Over the weekend, the GOP House judiciary committee Twitter account posted: ‘Kanye. Elon. Trump.’ [Colbert whipped out a Jeopardy-esque buzzer]. What is: three people I would trap in a Porta-Potty and roll it downhill?” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”