Are you sure this isn't something a seven-dollar bill can't get me out of? (Man, talk about living in glass pyramids)

"Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced he is against medical marijuana in the state because it could hurt the tourism industry. Then Jamaica was like, 'You sure man?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Oh this isn't good. The Secret Service just arrested 13 people in New Jersey who were making counterfeit money. Which got worse when the counterfeiters said, 'Are you sure this isn't something a seven-dollar bill can't get me out of?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday Egypt's foreign ministry called on the United States to show respect for the rights of protesters in Ferguson, Missouri. Yeah, Egypt said that. Man, talk about living in glass pyramids." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They don't build'em like they used to (she will be replaced by an especially loud leaf blower)

Nancy Grace is leaving Headline News in October. The network announced she will be replaced by an especially loud leaf blower. –Conan O’Brien

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet. –Conan O’Brien

In a speech yesterday, Donald Trump spoke in favor of waterboarding. Trump said, "It’s how I got two of my three wives to say yes." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Man, talk about living in glass pyramids (My TV says you are a domestic terrorist)

"Yesterday Egypt's foreign ministry called on the United States to show respect for the rights of protesters in Ferguson, Missouri. Yeah, Egypt said that. Man, talk about living in glass pyramids." –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, the New York Jets are 1000-to-1 long shots to win the Super Bowl. That means if you bet just one dollar... you will lose just one dollar. –Jimmy Fallon

Congressional leaders are still upset with President Trump’s decision on the DACA immigration plan. They called it “brainless,” “heartless,” and “cowardly.” All Trump needs are some ruby slippers, and he’s off to see the wizard! –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

thanks for printing out all 755 pages, by the way (You know what this place needs?)

August 2022

“We are celebrating a big weekend for Joe Biden, as Senate Democrats passed the Inflation Reduction Act, the economy added half a million new jobs, and he finally tested negative for Covid. So he was able to leave the White House for the first time in over two weeks. And this is great: when he emerged from hibernation, he predicted six more weeks of summer.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Biden had such a successful 18 days with Covid he’s already setting up meetings with shingles and pneumonia. I’m not into conspiracies, but all I’m saying is Beyoncé finally puts out an album and Biden hits a hot streak – you won’t break my soul, Jack.” —Jimmy Fallon

“We are cheering the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act, though as the vote was 51-50 with no Republican support, it was a great way to let the world know that half of us are united. The Senate majority leader, Chuck Schumer, called the 755-page bill the ‘boldest climate package in US history’. The Earth was like ‘thanks for printing out all 755 pages, by the way.’” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Couldn’t they come up with a better name? (Priest in your pocket)

"President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything." –Jay Leno

"The problem in Egypt is that so many government officials are rich and the people are poor. I think it’s a pyramid scheme." –Jay Leno

"The Catholic Church has approved an app that let’s you confess on your iPhone. You can now cheat and atone right on the same device. Perfect for Brett Favre." –Jay Leno

"The actual name for this app is “Priest in your pocket.” Don’t they read the paper? Couldn’t they come up with a better name?" –Jay Leno

"The Catholic Church has approved an app that lets people confess their sins through their iPhones. The number one confession? Taking the Lord's name in vain after the iPhone drops your call." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Apparently, Halliburton wants to rebuild the pyramids (smokin' hot assistant)

"I'm happy to report that Vice President Dick Cheney has returned from the Middle East. And he certainly straightened that mess out. He made a stop in Egypt, as a matter of fact, on the way home. Apparently, Halliburton wants to rebuild the pyramids." --David Letterman  

"In a new video promoting Hillary Clinton's campaign, former President Clinton says there are a lot of things about Hillary that voters may not know. Then he said, 'For instance, did you know she has a smokin' hot assistant?'" --Conan O'Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html