Sweet, I love magic! (Mayans 24, New York Jets 0)

In an interview, Donald Trump claimed that New York police and court employees were crying when they arrested him. Why is everyone in Trump’s stories always crying? You’re bragging that when people see you, they just like burst into tears, because it never sounds like excited crying. Like when teenagers see BTS. It sounds more like scared crying like when hostages see Jigsaw. —Colin Jost

Senator Diane Feinstein who is 89 is facing calls to resign from fellow democrats. But unfortunately, Feinstein is answering those calls on her stapler. —Colin Jost

Conservative judges and pundits defended Clarence Thomas saying his deals with Harlan Crow are not corrupt because Crow had no business before the court. But, come on. Does this conservative Christian billionaire strike you as someone who didn’t want them to overturn Roe vs Wade? He looks like he’s on a pamphlet called ‘Why you have to keep it.’ —Colin Jost

Archeologists have discovered a one thousand year old scoreboard used for an ancient Mayan ball game. The score was Mayans 24, New York Jets Zero. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Aw man, they’re gonna blame me for this, too! (his approval rating is the only thing inflation hasn’t touched)

June 2022

“According to a new poll, President Biden’s approval rating is at 40 percent. Meaning that his approval rating is the only thing inflation hasn’t touched.” —Seth Meyers

“The K-pop group BTS announced yesterday that they are going on an indefinite hiatus. Said President Biden, ‘Aw man, they’re gonna blame me for this, too!’” —Seth Meyers

“Another South Carolina incumbent, Representative Nancy Mace, who refused to join Trump loyalists in discrediting the 2020 election, survived a challenge from a Trump-backed candidate. Her opponent, Katie Arrington, conceded her race by apologizing to Trump: ‘Sir, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you the birthday present that I wanted to give to you, but you will always be my No 45, my No 46.’ I don’t know why anyone would think Trump supporters are a cult. It’s just a normal woman apologizing to Trump for losing her election on his birthday. It’s not a cult! This is a very normal thing. ‘Please forgive me, dear leader’ – normal, so normal.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Out of all the countries there, they probably have the most powerful army (I couldn't be prouder of the job we've done)

September 2021

“Guys, it’s a very busy time in New York City because the U.N. General Assembly is officially underway. Yeah, more than 100 foreign leaders are in town to address the assembly, while some are just here to pick up a fiancé for 90 days.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But all the big names have shown up. President Biden gave a speech, Brazil’s Bolsonaro gave a speech, and BTS gave a speech and filmed a music video from inside U.N. headquarters. Completely real. Yeah. Old people were probably watching this, like, ‘What the hell is a BTS?’ And young people were watching it, like, ‘What the hell is the U.N.?’” —Trevor Noah

“But it makes sense for BTS to show up at the U.N. I mean, out of all the countries there, they probably have the most powerful army.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”