Bush time clock (I'm sorry, that was Tom DeLay)

George Bush, "America is a free society, which limits the role of government in the lives of our citizens. In this country, people are free to choose how they live their lives." Jon Stewart: "And that's why I want to ban gay people from getting married." 

"Remember those $1,000 credit cards given to the victims of  Hurricane Katrina? Congressional investigators now say FEMA was conned out of over $1.4 billion in bogus claims. Imagine how much worse it would have been if FEMA had actually gotten there on time?" --Jay Leno

"Congressional investigators say that FEMA was conned out of $1.4 billion in bogus claims including people paying for season football tickets, tropical vacations, golf outings. I'm sorry, that was Tom DeLay." --Jay Leno

  

"The anti-gay marriage amendment: The president endorsed it. The Senate discussed it. I'm pretty sure Jerry Falwell masturbated to it." --Jon Stewart