It runs on sleeping pills and when you get on the highway, it runs on alcohol

"With these gas prices, I got smart. I'm driving the new Patrick Kennedy hybrid car. It runs on sleeping pills and when you get on the highway, it runs on alcohol." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people are very upset that Congressman Patrick Kennedy was not given a blood alcohol test after his car accident last week. I understand why they didn't do it. It's kind of like giving President Bush the SAT test. What's the point?" --Jay Leno

"The president of Iran has written a letter to President Bush. This Iranian president is very smart. To make sure Bush read the letter, he wrote it on Exxon stationary." --Jay Leno

"The president of Iran sent George Bush an 18-page letter. 18 pages? Yeah, like he's going to read that." --David Letterman