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Thursday, July 21, 2016

a large percentage of my audience is terrorists (tequila of mass destruction)



"Every time the president comes up with a new secret tactic to down al Qaeda, the media blows its cover: torture, monitoring our phone calls, monitoring our e-mails, secret prisons. All perfectly reasonable temporary concessions of freedom that will only be in effect as long as our never-ending war on terror. Well last week, the New York Times did it again folks. Now, I don't want to give to much information away on what they revealed, because a large percentage of my audience is terrorists." --Stephen Colbert

"Earlier today President Bush took Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is sending troops to the Mexican border. He's going to have them look for tequila of mass destruction." --David Letterman



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