These layoffs were brought to you by the letters F and U

The U.S. Patent Office has rejected Whole Foods' request to be called "the world’s healthiest grocery store." However, they approved 7-Eleven’s request to be called "the world’s finest antique foods dealer." –Conan O’Brien

Sesame Street announced that they have fired several of their long-time cast members. These layoffs were brought to you by the letters F and U. –Conan O’Brien

This year, for the first time ever, marijuana plants will compete in the Oregon State Fair. The winner will be whichever marijuana grower remembers to show up. –Conan O’Brien